


Satan Doesn't Make Coffee

by Corporal_Levi_cleans_my_house



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Coffee Art, College Student Eren Yeager, Eren Is a Little Shit, Goth Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Levi pretending to be Satan, Levi with piercings, M/M, Modern AU, Sass, alternate universe – modern times, barista!levi, eventual pining, excessive sarcasm, goth/punk!Levi, he wants the jaeger booty, he's dark, he's moody, student!eren, to fuck with Eren
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-17
Updated: 2018-05-06
Packaged: 2018-06-02 19:51:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 76,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6580093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Corporal_Levi_cleans_my_house/pseuds/Corporal_Levi_cleans_my_house
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Levi works at a café and Eren is adamant that the surly, at times downright terrifying little man is actually Satan incarnate because how else could he send so many people running? And of course Levi is a complete shit about it.<br/>Based off of <a href="http://haberkonium.tumblr.com/post/142946281779/au-au-5#tumblr_notes">this</a> prompt.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Just Use The Menu

**Author's Note:**

> Found a prompt. Was amused. Wrote a thing.  
> This is kind of a "testing the waters" chapter. It's short. But it's worth it. I hope.  
> Un-beta'd and written like half an hour ago, errors may be lurking.

Long, pale fingers drummed against the countertop, glossy, black-painted nails drilling out a quick tempo that spoke of irritation. A whole sixty seconds had already been lost just listening to the latest beverage order, the description of which was neither on the menu nor should it be.

That didn’t stop Mrs. Stick-Up-Her-Ass from rattling off her desired beverage and fixing the barista with a look that sat begrudgingly between expectant and condescending, like the woman expected to have to repeat her order.

But no, she would not have to repeat it. There was no way in hell that Levi Ackerman, said put upon barista, would be forgetting a request for both decaf _and_ regular shots _in the same drink_ with not one but _two_ types of milk because apparently this lady really needed skim and low fat. What was the difference again? Was there some new diet promoting the consumption of a fuck tonne of different milk types? Did they even have low fat milk here?

Levi checked, eyes skittering over to the fridge along the wall to his right, and nope. That was a definite no. Not a single trace of low fat or two percent or whatever the fuck. Just skim and…well milk. Milk was milk, right? Why were there more than two types? Hell, why was there more than one type?

Fuck the world could be a confusing place.

Mrs. What’s-her-face-queen-of-the-frown-lines cleared her throat and Levi figured he should probably say something. Maybe try and deal with this customer in a calm and professional fashion so that he could get to the other customers waiting in line behind her.

It wouldn’t be _that_ hard to tell the lady that they didn’t have the milk she wanted. Levi could compromise. Just use skim milk and hope she didn’t notice. For God’s sake talk! Just be civil.

“Do I look like a fairy god mother to you?” Levi said instead, tone flat.

The question seemed to take the woman by surprise and honestly, Levi wasn’t shocked by this. He raised a slender eyebrow when his ears were suddenly assaulted by a loud and indignant query, calcium’s number one fan asking whether or not they had heard their requested drink.

Oh he’d heard it alright. Wished he hadn’t heard it. Repeated the whole fucking mess of words back to the now-scowling woman just to wipe the look of doubt off her makeup-smothered face. You call that eyeliner? That’s eye-drowner right there. What was she going for, Ancient Egyptian? Was this a reincarnation of Cleopatra come to collect enough hot milk to bathe in? Just go to the store, snake lover. Seven-eleven. Two blocks down, right on the corner.

Her Majesty was still. _Talking_. Christ, where was she keeping all that air? She just kept going and going with her unhelpful criticism of his service skills.

And Levi had had enough.

“Okay. That’s enough. See that board up there?” One finger swivelled to point over the raven’s shoulder and he gave a single nod. “We call it a menu. Take a good look and pick something. Pick ten somethings if you want. But don’t come in here with your fucking ‘oh I need one third decaf and two thirds regular with one packet of raw sugar and three packets of artificial sweetener’ bullshit.”

There was something so gratifying about the sharpness of that word. Probably something to do with the soft “sh” meeting with the harsh “t” sound, but that was wading into English territory and it had never been a particularly strong subject for the raven.

“And who needs two different types of milk in their coffee anyway?” Levi continued, amazed that he could have forgotten the milk tangent for even a moment. “Nobody, that’s who.”

Apparently that was not the right thing to say. Unsurprising, really. Levi watched with eyes hooded in a glare balanced perfectly on the line between venomous and indifference (a tricky expression to master but what could he say, he had the bone structure for resting bitch face) as Cleopatra’s bitchy, forty-something manifestation started lecturing him.

_Bad service this, horrible attitude that, blah blah blah where’s my coffee? Don’t you know who you’re talking to?_

Hate to break it to you lady…

“Listen I really don’t give a fuck who you are; if you want your weird-ass combo drink then you’d better make it yourself or give me something I can work with here. No you cannot speak to the manager, they’re not in, so you can either order something real or get your prissy ass out of here.”

A few shades of purple and some interesting expressions later and the surly lady turned on her heel, muttering what was probably meant to be under her breath but actually came out quite clearly in the quiet of the café.

Levi was unimpressed with the quality of her insults.

“Oh you’re offended? Well. You’re not the one that had to listen to your nasally voice rattle off that shopping list of directions. Yes, bye now, ma’am. Bye bye. Au revoir. Good fucking riddance.”

The barista bared his teeth in a sneer as the café door closed, punctuated with the all-too-cheery tinkling of the store bell that was one hundred percent out of place and hilarious against the contrast of silent rage as the fuming customer took her leave. Levi watched her go with rising satisfaction, his gaze following stomping steps until he could no longer see the viper of a woman, and grey eyes flicked over to the next in line.

Round two. Ding ding.

“Come on then. Make my day.”

The customer, a man in his late twenties, swallowed audibly in the sudden quiet of the café, but managed to speak at last.

“I-I’ll have a flat white.” He stammered out, fidgeting with a briefcase and swallowing again before hastening to add, “Large. N-No sugar. Please,” before Levi could snap anything back at him.

Well Mr. Shitting-Himself was at least polite enough to order a reasonable drink. And even a please on the end. That’s more like it.

“That it?” Levi asked, arching an eyebrow to emphasise the question.

He would lose his shit if the guy changed his mind or forgot something once his drink was halfway made. It happened more often than the raven would like.

The man nodded, however, and his next words had the ghost of a smirk edging its way onto Levi’s mouth.

“Y-Yes, Sir.”

A chuckle left the raven and he cast the man a teasing glance.

“Sir? I like the sound of that.”

Wow. Probably several years between them and this guy was calling Levi Sir? Really? At twenty-four it seemed a bit early (and a bit kinky if he thought about it) to be addressed with such a title. Wasn’t this guy a little old to be intimidated by moody employees? Well fuck it; Levi would take what he could get.

And hopefully that little incident would brighten the remainder of his day.

Ha. Promises, promises. Levi finished making the man’s drink and he almost, almost smiled when the guy handed him the exact money for his purchase. God Bless. Off went Nervous-But-Helpful, using his shoulder to open the café door and brave the chilling wind of the outdoor world, briefcase clutched in one hand and coffee in the other. Come and gone, just another routine.

And onto the next customer. Take order. Remember to be civil. Promptly fail at being civil but make up for it with damned good coffee. Payment. Done, finished. Rinse, repeat, rinse, repeat. How much are they paying me again? Is it really enough for all this forced human interaction to be worth it?

Only just. He would have to remember to ask for a raise. And by ask he meant straight up demand.

In the politest manner of course, with as few curse words as humanly possible.

Still, with four hours to go until his shift ended and a sudden lack of middle-aged harpies trying to make his job a living hell, Levi figured he could survive interacting with people for a little longer.

A jingle rang out, the sound abruptly lost to a child’s loud squeal and her father’s hushed reprimand, and Levi’s previous optimism vanished quicker than he could scowl.

Turning and pretending to look for something (a miracle, maybe?), Levi made a face at the ceiling.

_Why me?_


	2. RIP Bell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eren's POV!  
> P.S. Eren did NOT appear last chapter, I only mention this because some people seemed to think that customer no. 2 (or stuttering-chan as I like to call him) was in fact our favourite teal-eyed boy. But no, that was just a regular citizen and Eren is going to the café for the first time this chapter. Just had to clear that up :) Carry on ^_^

“I broke your bell.”

“I can see that.”

This was not at all how Eren had planned for this day to go. First long as fuck lectures, then having to walk through crowded as hell streets all the way from campus to this café, and now…the cherry on top of this whole mess.

A broken-ass bell and an angry little gnome.

Note to self: don’t hit motion-sensitive bells. Especially not with the force of a petulant five year old trying to squash a bug. It had been nothing personal to said bell; that was just the way Eren always rang counter bells. They were there for a reason and the brunet had always kind of seen them as a dare anyway. Even if there was somebody already around to serve him.

Eren hadn’t known that this particular one wouldn’t take kindly to being mashed under his fist.

Who would’ve known?

“I’m sorry.” Eren tried in a poor attempt to salvage the situation.

If it could be salvaged.

“You should be.” The barista, a scowling little man (who was responsible for the pile of rubble that the ex-bell now resembled) muttered without a moment’s hesitation. “Who just punches a bell?”

He looked pissed; eyes narrowed, posture rigid, arms crossed over his chest.

How did one properly apologise after accidentally destroying a piece of a business’ property?

Eren gulped. “I didn’t-”

“Shut the fuck up and tell me what you want.”

That seemed like quite the contradictory command but Eren Jaeger wasn’t about to provoke the angry little goblin (who just so happened to be his current server) any more than he already had.

It had been a funny incident, really. Oh yeah, hilarious. Accidental vandalism and oops-I-woke-the-dragon. Not your average weekday. No Sir. And it had all started with Armin’s brilliant idea to try out a new spot for study group.

Inspired, Armin. Absolutely inspired.

 

_Earlier…_

5:15PM that afternoon.

Eren made his way down the crowded sidewalk, easing his way through the throng of pedestrians. Would it kill these assholes to back up a pace or two? Did they have to be right up in each other’s faces?

As the brunet thought this he was jostled by yet another middle-aged woman with the kind of frown that could have been pissed or an attempt at superiority. Eren didn’t know. He didn’t care. All he did care about was shimmying away enough to avoid being jammed in the side by her handbag which looked more like a weapon with all the goddamned buckles adorning it.

Narrowly escaping getting barged with what had to be some sort of BDSM-edition novelty, Eren continued onwards and let the milling crowd carry him along.

Geez. Sometimes Eren hated the city. It was all rushing about like your life depended on it and somehow waiting hours in traffic for what could have been a ten minute walk. Could have been, if not for every single person having the idea to walk to work at around the same time and creating a people-jam. Honestly, sometimes it was worse than trying to get the last bottle of burn-your-face-off hot sauce from Mikasa’s favourite restaurant over in the local Chinatown area. People lost so many hours to the traffic jams here, it was insane. Which was why Eren was walking now. As per usual the streets were full but for once most people seemed to be heading Eren’s way, making it simple to just follow along behind some dude on his skateboard successfully clearing the way now. The brunet hoped this guy didn’t turn off any time soon as he was quietly enjoying the extra breathing space.

Heading further down the street, the noise of the city swept Eren up. He couldn’t hear his own footsteps over the sound of so many other feet slapping against the pavement or the gravelly passing of cars and buses, but that didn’t matter. It all became a peaceful kind of white noise, a static sound that hummed away in the back of the brunet’s mind. Eren kept his eyes on the horizon, his determined gaze a shade of green in the brilliant sunlight.

The pretentious sun promised warmth, shining like it was the literal Miss Universe Contest and the Solar System's favourite, light-giving fireball was running for the title.

It _lied_ ; the blinding rays provided only light and minuscule relief from the bitter chill of the wind that had whipped up over the city.

Worst. Fireball. Ever. Eren had been around bonfires that had kept him warmer than this. With a huff, the young man burrowed his arms further into the jacket shrouding his upper body and marched on. Each step brought him (hopefully) closer to his destination, the location of which had managed to slip his mind. Again.

With that thought, the reason for the rise of the classic 'Jaeger Frown of Doom' currently adorning the brunet's face appeared.

Damn, damn, damn. He was so late. A hand came up to shove messy bangs out of his face. Tanned fingers carded through the unruly locks in an effort to tame them, pushing strands left and right. No dice, though, for this was not a L’Oréal commercial and he had not the time nor the funds to go around buying expensive shampoos and gels that  _might_  be able to keep his hair under some semblance of control. One day, when he was rich and successful and a babe magnet, maybe then he’d bother with brand-name product. Until then he would just have to suck it up and deal with the floral whatever-its-name-was that Mikasa bought and remain broke, unsuccessful, and dating his laptop.

And wow, that sounded a lot sadder when he put actual thought into it.

But enough daydreaming. Getting side-tracked now wouldn’t help him arrive any earlier.

Eren Jaeger wasn’t normally one to be on time but he also wasn’t usually a whole hour late. Especially considering that he was on his own free time. Late for a lecture? Sure. Technically they always started five minutes after the hour they were scheduled to start, so there was always the argument of ‘was I really late, though, Sir?’ if he needed it.

Today, though, his lecture was over and done with, finished, full stop, and yet he was still running late. And for something that involved fun things like friends and food.

Fooooood. Even the word itself sounded good after not eating for more than six hours. Eren couldn’t even recall if he’d had breakfast that morning, which was never a good sign. Usually is one can’t remember eating anything, it’s because they hadn’t eaten anything.

Empty-stomached and still late. And oh, he’d just stubbed his toe against a bike rack. Just perfect. Late, hungry, and with a sore toe. Could this day get any worse?

At least the sky didn’t decide to rain down out of nowhere. That was a plus.

Eren checked the clock in the square on his way past and winced.

Shit, shit, shit-fuck, damn. And that was just charming language, Eren. You kiss your mother with that mouth? At least none of the words had actually made it out of his mouth but he knew there were other, more sophisticated words that he could be thinking.

Like ‘oh would you look at that…a whole fifty seven minutes later than I should be. Well bother, better luck next time’.

Yeah, no. Now he just sounded like a father trying especially hard not to swear in front of his children.

Where the fuck was this café meant to be at again? With a grumble, Eren dug around in his backpack for his phone, finding it to be quite the challenge to rummage and not walk into people at the same time.

Clutching the shiny black square of his mobile in hand, Eren glared at the screen. It glared back at him, gleaming white and impossible to read under direct sunlight. Shading it from direct sunlight with his free hand, Eren stabbed one of the contacts with his thumb and scrolled through the previous conversation.

 

**[Jaegerwafer]**

where are you guys?

**[Mushroom]**

Café.

 

Oh good, that’s exactly what he’d wanted to know. Geez.

Armin was never especially helpful one text in and Eren wasn’t sure if that was funny or frustrating. Usually it was hilarious. In person the little blonde could get so chatty that he started stammering from speaking so fast, and yet nine times out of ten in his texts the blonde was so concise. Benefits of technology and non-face-to-face interactions, Eren supposed.

Right now, though, all the brunet wanted was to get to wherever his friends were. That would be nice. That would be great. And the answer lay somewhere in that last conversation with Armin.

Eren read further, eyes scanning for anything address-like. Maybe he should text Armin again and ask him to repeat the address. All he needed was some info. Numbers, a street name, hell a shop name would have been nice. Or coordinates. A GPS app, maybe? Knowing Armin something like that wouldn’t be impossible.

But this was Eren’s problem so he sucked it up and scrolled back to his first text of the day. If he had to go through the entire conversation then so be it. Those directions would have to be in there somewhere.

 

**[Jaegerwafer]**

which café?

i thought we were going to marco’s?

**[Mushroom]**

His parents are having some sort of date night.

**[Jaegerwafer]**

at home?

**[Mushroom]**

Yes, Eren. At home.

It's not that weird. Some people are just that romantic.

We’re regrouping elsewhere.

**[Jaegerwafer]**

okay where?

**[Mushroom]**

227 Ascot Street. It's a 2 storey building w. graffiti out front.

**[Jaegerwafer]**

that’s a long way to walk.

**[Mushroom]**

Cab?

**[Jaegerwafer]**

broke.

**[Mushroom]**

Right.

Well it’s worth the walk then. Coffee here is amazing.

**[Jaegerwafer]**

there’d better be hot chocolate or i’ll sue.

**[Mushroom]**

Always so dramatic.

They have hot chocolate you freak.

**[Jaegerwafer]**

yessss!

 

Ascot Street…that was the one with all the shops, Eren recalled. Well one of the streets with shops. It was somewhere near the main square, a popular area, and not all  _that_  far from the university campus. To Eren walking further than two blocks was ‘far’. This, in reality, was only about six blocks. In a high-traffic area. With crowded as fuck sidewalks from the campus all the way to his destination knowing Eren's luck. So far he had been right.

Still, Armin wouldn’t lie just to make sure Eren got this new place. Even if that would be a damned clever play. At least Eren knew that once he got to this mystery café there would be a worthwhile drink.

He'd need it, damn it was getting chilly out here. The Sun had better step up its game or Eren would have something to say. Not that a burning fireball would care about a potential tantrum from a single speck of life on the blue planet.

Focus, Eren. Focus. Convo. Armin. Café search, remember?

Oh yeah.

That conversation with Armin had been over half an hour ago, though. Eren had already wasted a good twenty or so minutes walking about campus searching for his friends. Usually they waited for all their classes to end. Endure the torture of an hour or two of boredom. Escape together. Bitch about lectures. Etc...

Eren’s Thursday lecture was later than his friends’ classes. It was the bane of his existence. Not one, but  _two_ whole hours of mandatory sitting around on their asses listening to some old fart blather on. Miss out on more than three classes per semester and they could fail you, although fuck knows why. Attendance was a stupid requirement in Eren's opinion. Especially when almost every resource needed to pass almost every course could was online. Today had been a nightmare and Eren's professor had dragged on and on. Blah blah 'assessment groups', blah blah 'wife's second baby', wait what?

Oh great. Out of  _all_ the things mentioned through class, of course Eren would remember a detail of his professor's personal life.  _Of course_.

Thanks, universe. He'd never get that brain space back. One day, on his death bed, Eren would recall the tale of how Mrs. Married-But-Could-Do-Better was expecting yet another soon-to-be-screeching child to tie her down to her boring as fuck husband. And dammit, in that moment, Eren would laugh and wonder what else might have taken up the space used to store that information.

He would never know.

It had been twenty minutes after four when the brunet had finally managed to flee the room and notice everyone had already gone off to their study date.

Great. All good guys, just bugger off why don’t you. Not that Eren blamed them. His lecture shouldn’t have gone on so long and at least the others had found a reasonable place to study. What sucked was that Eren had said he’d be there studying with them (and by studying he meant dozing off over a warm drink) and so far that had yet to become a reality. Still, if Armin wasn’t sending him on a wild goose chase (which was unlikely in any case) then Eren should reach them soon.

He hoped so anyway. He had already passed the main square so he couldn’t be too far off.

Another block and Eren spotted ‘Ascot St’ on one of the little street signs. Not too far to go then. Following along the new street, Eren squinted at buildings looking for their numbers. Most were tricky to spot, with only a few complexes displaying numbers on mailboxes. Eren saw ‘249’ and a little ways further there was a ‘235’ so he knew that he was on the right side of the street at least and from the looks of things.

There was no visible number for 227 Ascot Street on the building’s exterior but, after checking his phone for Armin’s brief description of the place, Eren decided that yes, this was probably it. The two-storey building wedged in between a store with its shelves lined with various plants and some sort of DIY craft shop was very probably the café that Armin had mentioned.

Yup. Correct Street. Two storeys. Graffiti.

That…was actually a whole lot of graffiti. Damn. And not what one might expect when they hear the word ‘graffiti’. There were no scrawled names or racial slurs. Instead Eren saw…well he supposed it would have to be called art. Wings rising up in vibrant blue and white, clouds and vines and a whole lot of twists and turns of black-lined colour. It looked like someone had taken all the work from a skate park and applied it to the walls of this place, although without the unpleasant images that often came with. Sure this work seemed…tasteful? Was that the word? There were no crudely-drawn dicks or any of the many renditions of “-insert generic name- sucks cock” so it wasn’t like Eren could complain. But the only places that weren’t covered by multi-coloured paint were the windows. It wasn’t exactly a welcoming sight, more comparable to a tattoo parlour than any café that Eren had been to.

Still, the whole books and covers and first impressions rubbish made its way through Eren’s mind and so he approached the place with a relatively open mind. There were a lot of places like this, appealing to the youth of the city, and most of them weren’t too bad. With the added bonus of Wi-Fi one could improve any place in Eren’s good opinion. All the benefits of Tumblr without the constant pain of having to deal with parents or dormies. Cafés were an escape, more so now than ever before, and it was unsurprising that the gang would want to gather in a place like this.

As he got closer, Eren breathed a sigh of relief when he spotted his friends crowded into a booth by a window. He’d found the right spot, thank God. The little group had already set up with notebooks and laptops out. The brunet found it safe to assume that there was Wi-Fi and he allowed himself a moment of relief. Well-deserved since he’d only brought an as yet empty notebook and his phone. The cause of this being that his laptop sat back at the share house, broken (thanks Jean). That and Eren may or may not have dozed off during his lecture, hence the severe lack of notes from that particular class.

Hopefully his professor had remembered to upload today’s slideshow.

At least it would be warmer inside. Eren hoped so at least.

With that thought in mind he pushed on the glass door and stepped inside, hearing the welcoming jingle of a small bell, and he glanced about. To his right there were metal tables and chairs along two large windows, without tablecloths Eren noticed. That seemed odd, seeing as most guests to these sort of places weren’t exactly considerate towards keeping their crumbs on their plates. To the left there was a row of booths along the window and following the far wall, following the L shape of the room and with tables arranged in the open area. Eren could just make out the green of an ugly yet soft-looking sofa in the very back. It was simple but charming, a stark contrast to the intimidating exterior.

All in all a good place to study. The brunet could see why Armin would suggest this sort of place since their regular study haunt, aka the Bodt family home, was not available.

Date night his ass. More like booty night. More like sappy, vanilla as fuck sex that only the true romantics could go for on repeat without it seeming mundane. That, though, was part of their adorable charm. Marco’s parents were the kind of gross romantics that still went on dates every week and only ever fought to solve problems. “Constructive arguments” was what Mrs. Bodt called them. They were adorable and Eren hadn’t thought that adults could be adorable.

Looking at their one and only son in the same room as them always made Eren want to laugh because they were just such a happy family, the kind to use nicknames like “The Three Musketeers” and make anyone in the same room want to puke at how cute they all were.

Eren loved the Bodt family. They were mushy, sappy fuckers, and they were exactly the sort of mushy, romantic fuckers that Eren Jaeger aspired to be one day. Probably in the far, far future if he was completely honest, seeing how he hadn’t even been close to a relationship. Ever. Geez, universe, a break would be nice.

Send someone along already. Anyone. A chick, hell Eren mightn’t even be bothered if a dude came along at this point. It would just be nice to have someone.

Christ, if Jean ever learned to read minds Eren would never stop hearing about this. The whole “am I straight” business was becoming rather tiresome. Mostly because Eren wouldn’t know if he was straight until he got some experience in the attraction department and that didn’t seem likely to happen any time soon.

Oh fate, why so cruel?

A call brought Eren back into the present, leaving his thoughts behind, and the brunet turned to look at the source of the sound: his friends waving at him. Armin and Mikasa had their heads down, chatting back and forth and actually working. Jean sat crammed into the end of the far side of the booth, the half against the wall in the corner, and a wildly-gesturing Connie kept him from taking up any more space. The ashbrown didn't seem to notice, busy half-listening and half-reading whatever was on his phone screen. Last of all Marco, looking half-asleep as he gazed out the big window, yawning and reaching for his coffee.

The group was missing a few but not all of their gang could get together every time they went out.

Connie sent over another wave at Eren, still babbling on about whatever story had caught his interest. The brunet waved back, feet leading him towards the group.

The café was far from full, with Eren’s friends overcrowding the booth the furthest along the windows to the left and one or two other customers scattered about, reading or tapping away at laptops. Not busy, but cosy all the same. Most of the tables and other booths were empty and Eren figured it must have been a slower time of day. The streets might have been busy but most people out there were trying to go places, most of them were heading home. Coffee was more of a morning thing, although with the chilly weather Eren wouldn’t be surprised if a few more customers came trickling in to escape the cold.

Eren reached his friends and Jean wasted no time in greeting the brunet.

“You took your sweet time.” The ashbrown stated, not so much as glancing up from his phone.

Well, greeted might have been the wrong word.

Eren rolled his eyes at the comment. "Har har, thanks for waiting. Jackass."

Jean mirrored his eye-roll and Eren wondered how he’d missed seeing the other boy look up. He was certainly looking up now, phone forgotten for the moment.

"Missed you too."

"Ew."

Ah the dialogue of true friendship. Nothing like insults and unrestrained disgust to let people know who your besties are.

Jean snorted, taking a long sip of his drink to hide his growing grin. Mentioned something about all the progress they'd made already just waiting for him. Showed Eren an almost completed assignment started just forty minutes ago.

Bastard. Eren made it his new mission to ignore the fucker. As only a true friend would, of course.

"Eren," Mikasa's voice greeted him this time, and the dark-haired girl glanced up at her brother with a nod of acknowledgement, "what took you so long?"

"Another life lesson incident?" Armin asked instead, sending a sympathetic smile Eren's way.

Clearly Eren had whined about his professor’s antics enough for it to have sunk in because everyone in the booth gave a collective hum of sympathy.

"Don't get me started." Eren grumbled, turning his gaze over his shoulder. "I'll be back, I need cocoa and a nap."

"What about studying?"

The brunet scrunched up his nose in distaste.

"Ew, Mika. You know I'm allergic to that word."

His foster sister chuckled at him, turning back to her laptop with a smirk.

Eren took that as his cue to wander off and he did just that, making a b-line for the counter.

There was a long counter that formed an L shape and connected to the wall, with stools lining the outer edges. There was a gap where Eren assumed people usually lined up.

Not a single soul manned the counter, despite the bell above the door signalling a new customer’s presence when Eren had entered. The brunet felt like he had just walked into a modern rendition of an Old Western, waiting for some thugs to jump out from behind a table and try to throw him out of town. Or maybe that was just the tumbleweed rolling through his mind spurring on Eren’s imagination. Seriously, though, weren’t there any staff here? Anyone at all? Then again it did appear to be a bit of a slow moment for the café. No one enjoyed standing around and waiting on people, even when they were getting paid to do so.

Well then...Eren would just have to alert the (seemingly-non-existent) staff of his presence. Shouldn't be difficult, knowing his luck. He had once gained the attention of an entire school assembly, parents, teachers, principle and all, with a sneeze. A sneeze. Not one of those cute, kitten-in-the-rain sneezes either, the kind that sounds like someone squeezed the Windex bottle on mist mode. Nope, this had been a rampage of a sneeze. Eren had managed to throw himself forward far enough with this one sneeze that it had carried his face right into the back of another boy’s head. Jean’s, as a matter of fact. That was the one reason Eren liked that memory.

He’d gotten detention for two days after that for interrupting. With a sneeze.

Education system, what the fuck is up?

But if Eren Jaeger could get a whole crowd’s attention with one sneeze then he could definitely get the attention of some staff.

Surveying the surrounds, Eren spied a bell that sat on the counter. Well that would certainly help. It was one of those weird, electronic ones, though. Eren rolled his eyes; what was wrong with just a regular old bell? Hell, a cowbell would have done the trick. Why did people insist on wasting technology on something with a simpler alternative? Geez.

That was the start of it all. Spotting that bell was the beginning of a rather unconventional end, one that a future version of Eren would probably laugh at.

He reached the counter and gave a moment’s pause, waiting to see if anything would happen. In hindsight, Eren wasn’t sure what he expected to happen. A miracle? Coffee making itself via magic? He was not surprised when his standing around like a moron changed absolutely nothing. The only logical course of action that presented itself was to ring the bell. Seemed simple enough. Just a bell. Nothing complicated about a bell. Eren had rung plenty of them before, if a little more enthusiastically than others, and he would ring some after this, although with considerably _less_ enthusiasm.

And here’s why.

Without much thought to the consequences, Eren slammed the bell with his palm. Hard. It was how he always rang bells, no wussy ‘ding’ action. It worked too. The bell rang out loud and clear. And kept ringing.

And ringing and ringing.

What? Why? Bells weren’t meant to do that, and especially not that loud. Eren felt an odd panic rise in him, similar to the feeling one might get hearing a smoke alarm go off, and the brunet couldn’t help but notice that he had fucked up. His eyes widened, his arms rigid by his sides for a lack of knowing what to do with them.

The words “motion sensitive” suddenly became very,  _very_ clear as Eren finally paid attention to the little label attached to the front of the bell.

Oh. Oh no. Oh damn. Well done Eren.

Would it have killed the manufacturing company to use bigger lettering? In some kind of bold font? In red, that way Eren’s mind would have registered that if he fucked up there would be consequences.

Like the headache he was giving all of the customers. Whoops.

The shrill screaming was so loud, an ongoing squeal of mechanic agony (okay maybe Eren got a little poetic in his moment of shocked panic), and Eren was so stunned that all he could do was stand there with his hands hovering awkwardly in the air while all the heads in the café turned in his direction. What was he supposed to do about this? Hit the bell again? Run for it? Blame Jean?

There was a murmur from Armin, a distinct “what the fuck” from Jean, and even the chick over in the corner pulled out her headphones to figure out what was going on.

Fuuuck. What was he supposed to do? There was no one to turn to. Everyone was staring. Hell, Eren was even staring. He honestly contemplated hitting the bell again. It sounded stupid but sometimes violence did solve problems. Like metal and plastic related, screechy problems.

Well this afternoon had turned into a rather spectacular clusterfuck.

And then-

“I leave for five goddamned minutes and all hell breaks loose.”

That was the first time Eren heard his voice. _He_ for now since Eren would not learn his name for a while yet.

Movement stirred in the brunet’s periphery and his eyes drifted up, past the screaming bell, past the dark marble of the counter, up to the blur of dark stalking its way through from the back.

Back room, back hall, kitchen? Eren did not know. He just watched in bemused silence as a glowering little man with dark eyes, dark hair, and darker clothes stomped out, pot in hand. That hand raised, long, pale fingers curled about the black of the pot handle, and Eren watched with wide eyes as said pot descended.

It all happened in seconds, the whole damned incident, and yet so clearly that the memory ingrained itself in Eren’s mind in slow-motion.

Slap. Screaming bell. Oh shit. Enter angry gremlin.

Swing. Bang. Crunch. Goodbye bell. Rest in pieces. And that wasn’t even a joke.

The shrill ringing ceased with a gurgling squeak and a strangled sound. The bell was silent. The bell wasn’t even a _bell_ anymore, just a lump of crushed debris.

Eren lowered his hands from their previous state of hovering and he actually flinched when the man across the counter turned his vicious gaze on the brunet.

The barista's expression slipped from unimpressed apathy to accusation in such a smooth motion that Eren had trouble defining when one look became another. All he knew was that he'd never thought that 'calm' could be an intimidating expression. It seemed like a mask until Eren noticed the blazing, silver eyes. Those orbs told the brunet everything he needed to know about what this guy was thinking.

It sure as hell wasn't any variation of, "Hello, my name is blah de blah, may I take your order?" Not by a long shot.

Never had the question “what the fuck did you do” been easier to read in somebody’s eyes. It was all in the subtleties of the raven's expression, in his body language; the cocked hip, the casually-folded arms, the expectant arc of one thin brow. Midnight pupils narrowed into something sharp, sharp to match the harsh angles of the other man’s face. But that look of murderous calm didn’t seem quite as important as taking in the sudden sight before Eren.

To describe it in a word: damn. And that was not the word Eren would have chosen to describe any kind of man in a normal situation, but he was quickly discovering that there were exceptions. Short, dark-haired, murder-y exceptions.

Well that answered the "am I straight" question. And probably also the “am I sane” question, too. But those were thoughts for another time.

With nothing coming to mind for him to say, Eren chose the only other option left available. He stared.

Was that eyeliner? Wait, scratch that, more important question. Was that mascara Eren saw? It had to be. Just a little, nothing overwhelming – the darkness brought out the light grey rings of the other male’s irises. And damn, Eren hadn’t thought that any guy could look good wearing makeup but here he was being proven wrong.

Makeup and _metal_.

Eren wasn’t a particular fan of piercings and this guy had quite a few but dear God in heaven did they work for him. There were so many, or at least it looked like a lot for someone who thought ‘two’ was a lot of metal objects to have attached to a face. Eren didn’t even know the names of most of them, but his eyes tracked over that angular face and took in little glints of silver in the barista’s ears, more on his nose on one side of the bridge as well as a septum piercing, one of few that Eren could recognise (Jean kept talking about getting one). More silver in both ears, little rings curling around the outer curve of the left ear and another two rings in the lobe of the right. Eren recognised a barbell pushed through the upper shell of the right ear.

Damn and double damn.

“Oi. You done staring?”

Not a bad voice, either. Odd, a little airy but also low. Not bad at all.

“Hey!” The voice snapped again.

Oh, that question had probably been meant for him.

“Not quite.” Eren said after a beat, his eyes still focused on the glinting metal lining one of the barista’s ears.

And then he started to come back to himself and his own words replayed in his head. “Not quite”, really? Wow. In true Casanova style. That was actually a whole lot smoother than it should have been for an in-the-moment reply. And usually Eren’s lack of filter wasn’t that helpful. It sure picked a hell of a time to work in his favour.

Eren blinked out of his daze in time to realise what he’d just said and he watched the barista raise thin eyebrows at him.

“That’s a new one.” The raven replied and his eyes flicked up and down Eren’s form once.

Was that interest? Or disdain? Two expressions that weren’t usually easy to mistake.

Except for on this guy’s face, apparently.

A creeping warmth started to make its way across Eren’s face.

Damn, he hadn’t meant to say that. And to a complete stranger? Well done, creeper Eren. Well fucking done.

“I-I…uh…” Eren brought a hand up to scratch at the back of his neck in a sheepish display, “I broke your bell.”

Oh great, take the role of Captain Obvious why don’t you. Nice one Eren. And admit to damaging property. Good job.

Well _technically_ they had both done their fair share of breaking when it came to that bell. Eren’s part had been an accident, at least. A stupid accident.

Just one of the barista’s eyebrows was raised now and he eyed the rubble on the counter for a moment. “I can see that.” He said, tone flat.

This really, really wasn’t how Eren had planned for today to go. All he’d wanted was to have a warm drink and nap the rest of the afternoon away.

“I’m sorry.” Eren offered, as per the demands of social protocol.

_Make mistake. Realise you’ve made a mistake. Apologise for it. Fix situation where possible._

A nod of acknowledgement came from the raven. “You should be.”

Eren gulped. He felt like a rabbit caught in a snake’s slitted gaze, rigid for fear of not knowing what else to do.

“I didn’t-” he tried, only to be cut off.

“Shut the fuck up and tell me what you want.” The raven said, no, demanded. There was a finality to his tone that let Eren know he didn’t have another option.

The brunet blinked, confusion written across his features. “What…I want?” He managed, trying to get across to the other man that he had no idea what was happening.

“Are you an idiot?” Came the response to his question.

Maybe his confusion really was that obvious.

“Come on,” the raven continued, impatience in his voice, “coffee? Cocoa? Fucking lemonade? Make it snappy, kid, there are people waiting.”

Eren felt like he was getting some kind of whiplash just talking to this guy. First he thought he was in trouble, now he was being asked (more like told) to order something.

This was all very confusing. Was this how this man handled all of his customers?

“Oh no, take your time, please.” The raven drawled, shifting his weight onto one foot and rolling his eyes, pretending to check his bare wrist for the time.

Eren couldn’t speak. Who was this guy? And _how_ had he ever managed to get employed by anyone with such an abrasive attitude?

“Hello? Earth to fuckwit?”

The brunet blinked back into the present to find fingers being snapped in front of his face. The sound was offensive to his ears and he frowned, leaning back a little.

“Well?”

“I-I…”

Nicely done. A true display of confidence. How will this guy ever stand a chance against the fearsome Eren Jaeger?

Fierce as a kitten at the moment, geez. Or maybe a mouse. Yeah that was better imagery. He was the mouse and this feisty little guy was the cat after him.

“Damn.” The barista muttered, sounding bored all of a sudden. “And I thought I’d finally found a winner. Better luck next time, Sunshine; I'm looking for someone who can carry on the banter past the first line. Now what do you want?”

_To disappear._

“Um…” Eren paused for a moment longer, just in case some deity granted his wish and commanded the floor to swallow him, however when that did not happen he cleared his throat and forced himself not to avert his eyes, “h-hot chocolate please.”

Aaaand stuttering…could he have been more lame? At least it served to amuse Mr. Dark and Darker behind the counter who spared a moment to snort at Eren’s complete lack of composure before he even considered moving to make his drink.

Charming service here.

“Well that was fucking adorable. And you even picked something from the menu, thank Christ for that. At least your momma taught you some manners before sending you out to terrorise society.” The petite man muttered with a click of his tongue and Eren caught sight of another barbell glinting from behind those thin lips before the raven began to turn away. “You want sugar? Or _sweetener_ as you hip kids call it.”

“Huh?” Eren shook himself back into focus, damn he was easy to distract today, and answered before he could get chewed out again. “I mean yes. Please. Uh, two please.”

“Which one, genius? I’m not a mind reader,” the raven paused, eyed Eren again, and carried on, “although I don’t have to be one to know that all that’s going through your head right now is static.”

Well that was harsh. Accurate too.

“Rude.” Eren commented.

“Honest.” The raven corrected with a shrug. “Now, fake sugar or real sugar?”

What did that even mean?

“Huh?” Eren said, blinking dumbly.

Eren had heard of raw sugar, brown sugar, and icing sugar, but what the heck was fake sugar?

The next roll of the barista’s eyes seemed playful but Eren may have been imagining things.

“You want the raw or the artificial?” The raven clarified, waiting.

And yep, that was definitely a playful smirk tugging at the corner of the little man’s mouth.

Eren frowned in confusion. “Why not just say that in the first place?”

“It’s called sarcasm, sweetie.” The smaller man muttered, punctuating the end of his sentence by cocking his hip to one side. “Helps me get through the day. Now which one?”

“Oh. Raw?”

Apparently that was the correct thing to say because the little man nodded like Eren had just landed a mic-drop mid-debate.

“About time somebody made a good choice in here.” The raven said, turning at last to prepare the brunet’s beverage. “Most fuckers go fake sugar on me. Sorry to break it to you youthful types but just because it’s artificial doesn’t mean it counts towards your diet.”

Eren didn’t have anything to say to that so he nodded dumbly and watched the man make his drink. It was a quick process, one that spoke of the ease of familiarity, and Eren observed the easy lines that were assembled atop his hot chocolate amidst cocoa powder and frothed milk.

A bell. The barista drew him a bell. Geez, rub it in why don’t you?

“This one you can break.” The raven muttered, pushing Eren’s drink across the counter and raising one eyebrow, expectant.

Oh, right.

Eren handed over the correct money, something for which he was praised (if you could call any of what this man said praise), and the brunet backed away from the counter a few paces before he turned to walk over to his friends. It was only then that he realised the entire population of the café was watching him, and that number had risen by two customers since he’d last checked.

One of them, a young woman, took one look at the waiting barista’s furrowed brow and impatiently curled lip and she turned on her heel and noped it the fuck out of there.

Eren sure wished he’d had the same kind of warning before he’d ambled aimlessly up to the counter.

He sighed and took a seat, ignoring Jean’s snickered teasing and the amused reassurances from Armin and Marco. Slumping down in the booth, Eren brought the disposable cup in his hands up in front of his face and blew, watching the flurry of steam wisps whipped up by the air.

Bringing the cup to his lips, he took a sip. Blinked. Swallowed.

Holy fucking shit.

“Eren? Are you alright?”

That was Mikasa. Eren recognised her voice but he could not answer.

No he was not alright. He’d just tasted the best hot chocolate that he’d ever had in his life. It wasn’t watery or too milky, he could taste the chocolate like someone had dropped an actual block of it into his drink, and yet somehow it managed not to be too sweet.

How? How the fuck was it possible for any drink to taste this good? If heaven existed, it was here, right there in his cup. But the one to capture it there had been no angel. Why, universe? Why did the most amazing cocoa have to come from the hands of such a moody little urchin?

Turning to looked over his shoulder, Eren stared wide-eyed at the barista currently chewing out some poor man for God knows what and he frowned.

After all that had happened today Eren had been ready to throw in the towel and head home. Maybe just lie in bed for the next few days. And now he had to acknowledge that he would be coming back to this place. He would _definitely_ be coming back because damn, if all the drinks were this good then Eren might not even mind the crass little man making them.

“Excuse you, cheapo. I said three fifty, not three dollars and a creepy ass smile. Pay up, you freak, or you’ll be _wearing_ your coffee.”

Okay, maybe Eren would just have to grin and bear it. One, grumpy guy couldn’t be all that difficult to deal with. Right?

“Three fucking _fifty_ you ignorant piece of shit! You have two seconds, hand over the fifty fucking cents or so help me _I will jump this counter!_ ”

God help them all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eren got his Jaegerwafer phone name after several incidents in high school where he and Jean kept using the phrase “risk it for the biscuit”. Jean’s contact name in Eren’s phone is Seabiscuit for that exact same reason.  
> We'll be back to Levi's POV next chapter :) thanks for reading and feedback is welcome!


	3. Didn't Like That Bell Anyway

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a day off so I finally finished this :D  
> Levi's POV again, this time of the day and happenings before Eren arrived on the scene. Un-beta'd as yet, please forgive me.

Take a full day shift, they said. It’ll totally be worth it, they said.

Resisting a herculean urge to bash his head against the register, Levi opted instead for letting go of a colossal sigh. No matter what his barely-awake self might have thought earlier this morning, nothing was worth being called in to work at six in the morning. Nothing was worth having to be at the café by six thirty to set up shop, wipe down all the counters like the perfectionist in him demanded, and have the door open by six forty-five because apparently those fifteen minutes before the hour really counted for something. Although what that something actually was, he would never know. In fact Levi was sure no one would ever know. The only thing he did know was that if his boss didn’t compensate him handsomely for the additional bullshit slotted into what would have been a bearable day then he was going to slam his foot where the sun didn’t shine.

Why, dear gods above, did he agree to an extra five hours of forced (albeit paid) interaction with potentially the most annoying human beings of all time?

Motherfucking customers. Worst of the worst. No respect for the staff upon which they dumped their problems. Well they would certainly be getting no respect from him if they tried to pull that pompous ‘I’m paying therefore I’m above you’ bullshit.

At least he wasn’t working retail, Levi admitted. His job was relatively easy in that he didn’t have to walk all over a goddamned department store looking for some cardigan that the weekly geyser or grandparent saw in last month’s catalogue. If there was a hell, that was it. Probably. Who knew, that sort of job probably worked out fucking fantastic for some people. People who didn’t mind having to speak to other people and deal with their problems.

That wasn’t the life for Levi, however. Oh no. People could deal with their own problems. The only problem Levi worried about…was whether or not the first customer of the day would fuck his whole shift up. It was an everyday concern for the raven. Usually there were less hours of potential hell lined up for Levi during any given day, but he really, really hoped that today would hold off on the regular BS for as long as possible. A whole day of scowling and he might actually have to start worrying about frown lines. And how would he keep pulling off the twink look then?

Levi crept one hand over his mouth to hide the amused expression he had inevitably made just acknowledging himself and the term “twink” in the same train of thought. The little smile was quickly schooled back into something less friendly.

Wouldn’t want to give any customers the wrong idea about the service here. Ha.

As if on some universal cue, the door to the café swung open with the accompanying jingle of the bell above and in strolled bozo number one.

Okay, maybe bozo was a bit mean, but then again it was early. Normally Levi wouldn’t bother leaving his bed until at least eight and yet here he was, awake, standing, and in uniform (or his variation of it at least which basically consisted of whatever the fuck he wanted with the café’s apron over the top) all before seven o’clock.

God help every human being passing this way.

Potential Headache No. 1 was approaching. Alright, Levi. Game face. Time to try out that good old thing the civilised bastards call hospitality. Or was it manners? Ah fuck it.

“Hey there,” not a bad start, “my name’s Levi and I’ll be your server today.” Fucking phenomenal. “What can I get you?”

Amazing. Actually amazing. Manners before nine in the morning? Manners _at all?_ No one would believe that this had ever happened and Levi preferred it that way. Normally he didn’t try to go out of his way to be nice, or even helpful really, but it was going to be a long as fuck day and Levi really didn’t want to start it off badly.

The approaching customer, a businessman from the looks of it, wisely overlooked the appearance of the server he was stuck with, choosing instead to order his drink to go with the addition of one of the pastries on display. Oh and he even tossed in a thank you, God bless. Levi sent him on his way with an espresso, a warmed-through croissant, and the sincerest “enjoy your day” that he could muster without triggering an eye roll.

Well that hadn’t been too awful, the raven thought to himself as he considered making himself some sort of caffeinated pick-me-up. He kept a personal supply of his preferred tealeaves out the back but he couldn’t really abandon the counter so early to go get them, let alone prepare a pot. That would just have to wait for later, then.

As if the universe could sense his inner tea-related turmoil, the door swung open again and disturbed the little warning bell above it, singing the arrival of the next potential asshole of the day.

And wow, Levi really needed to work on his positivity. He really was just tired but to be this cynical already with the day just barely started did not bode well. He pitied whatever customers would come to annoy him later in the day. Afternoons were when he got worse, after all. Not _mean_ necessarily, but he definitely got blunter. And petty.

Forgot to ask for sugar? There’s a supermarket a few blocks down. Yes, I can see that there are sachets just behind me, so why didn’t _you_ see them when you were ordering? You useless fucking waste of space. Accidentally order regular instead of decaf? Too fucking late now, isn’t it? Want to pay for a new drink? No I didn’t think so.

Honestly, it’s like people didn’t actually know what the fuck they wanted. Oh wait. That was actually right on the money. Well.

Customer no. 2 trudged up to the counter and Levi knew from the slump to her shoulders that this woman wouldn’t even be awake enough to enter the asshole category. Thank God for that.

True to expectation, the bleary-eyed brunette shuffled up to the counter and greeted the raven with a “hello” wrapped in a yawn. Dear God above, this woman needed her caffeine. Levi couldn’t even find it in himself to frown at her when she managed to make eye contact; in fact he was pretty sure he was smirking.

“What can I get you?”

Oh dang. Was that sympathy in his voice? Shit, abort. _Abort!_ Before she figures out you’re human after all and not an emotionless droid!

“Long black, please.” Came the sleepy whimper of an answer.

Aw. Okay, Levi would take it easy just this once. No one ever had to know that sleepy customers were his weakness. Well, the adorable sleepy kind anyway. Sleepy-and-asshole-ish customers were a different matter entirely.

With a nod, the raven turned to begin preparing the drink, keeping an eye on his weary customer in case she fell asleep over the counter. Poor, precious thing. The sleepy ones were the best. There was just something about the dazed and confused approach of a barely-awake human being that took all of Levi’s sharp edges away. Kids were even worse, with their huge doe eyes and tiny mumbling voices. That was one of the rare times that Levi Ackerman felt anything towards children other than an instantaneous loathing.

Levi was so caught up with his thoughts that almost missed Snoozed-And-Lost’s next question.

“Do you write the names on the cups here?” The woman asked, rubbing at one eye.

Seriously, stop. It was too sweet to look at; she was going to give him a cavity at this rate.

“On the takeaway ones.” He said in confirmation. “Only really when it’s busy. Why?”

“Could I trouble you to write mine on for me?” And if that wasn’t the most adorably formal sentence ever then Levi was straight. “I feel like I’m going to need to remember it later.”

Levi gave a snort and pulled open a draw to look for a marker. “Better tell me what it is before you forget. What am I writing?”

The woman gave another long yawn, shaking her head before giving a, “Huh? Oh, um cash.”

Unusual name. Yeah right. The raven’s smirk grew as he picked up on the mistake, marker uncapped and hovering over a disposable cup lid.

“I mean your name, sweetheart.” Levi said slowly, taking pity on this poor creature driven from sleep too early just as he had been. “Not how you’ll be paying.”

There was a pause and the brunette blinked slowly before her eyes finally opened wide enough for her to look almost awake.

“Oh.” She managed, before telling him her name with a sheepish blush and paying for her drink.

Levi sent her on her way with a chuckle. Well at least he wasn’t the only one around who wasn’t a morning person. Maybe this wouldn’t be such a bad day after all.

 

Wrong. So wrong.

Four hours in and Levi was really starting to contemplate just asking this next lady if she could wait for a minute or two so he could go out into the back kitchen, make his tea, and then maybe sleep for the rest of the day.

But that would be unreasonable and Levi wouldn’t dream of doing anything like that to a customer that hadn’t pissed him off. If she crossed that line, however…well then, who knows?

“Hello, welcome to-”

“I’m in a hurry.” The woman cut him off, her tone snappish.

Levi closed his mouth, barely controlling the twitch of irritation he gave at being interrupted. There was a very special procedure for customers who were, quote, “in a hurry” and it all started with the calculated crossing of Levi’s arms over his chest.

“Okay.” He said simply, waiting.

The audible tapping of one foot started up as the lady rattled off her order, and of course it was a stupidly specific description for someone who claimed to not have much time. Couldn’t she just give everyone a break and order a fucking espresso? Really? Would her daily routine really be thrown off if she didn’t get her pretentious low fat, decaf with only a _half_ packet of artificial sweetener and soy milk? Did that even taste good? Like, at all?

“How quickly can you have that done? I have a very important meeting to attend. Are you listening?”

It would be literally impossible not to listen to that grating voice. Even earphones wouldn’t drown out the horror of that nasally tone. It was like listening to someone speak through a kazoo, minus the vibrato. Jesus Christ, blow your nose, don’t talk through it.

Levi nodded calmly through the three times that Madame I-Needed-My-Order-Yesterday prattled through her description, asking him if he’d got it. Yeah, he’d got it the first time. The damned request was burned into his memory by the second time. After the third he was just ticked off. So he nodded, assured the woman again that he understood by repeating the damned order back to her, and then he proceeded to give a subtle but (in his opinion) brilliant impersonation of how a tortoise would make coffee. Namely, as slowly as possible without it being a blatant display of disrespect. Not that Levi would have minded being called out on this one; he was just about in the right mood to get into a screaming match with one of God’s good creations. Instead he pottered around, offering monotonous apologies for ‘malfunctioning’ equipment and promises of “just a moment” and “it won’t be long now, ma’am” until the woman was red in the face from her silent fuming.

And then he took the time to get really creative with some completely unnecessary art of a cat, complete with individual fur strokes, all because he could. And without another person in line there was literally nothing to interrupt the glorious performance of grade-A fuckery.

Levi was personally proud of this, his current record, of taking a total of ten minutes to make a cup of coffee, and that was with minimal conversation and maximum pretence of cleaning the practically gleaming equipment.

He finally sent the disgruntled lady on her way, feeling very pleased with himself. He understood that being a woman and trying to make one’s way in business could be tough and unrewarding, but that was no excuse to take out one’s frustrations on other people. If those people started in on you first, then fine. Let them have it. Tear them apart if you have to, but don’t be that person to start the shit show.

Levi was a fierce believer of standing up for oneself. No one else is going to save you, kids. There will be people to help you stand and keep you going, but the first steps are always going to be your own. Don’t let people push you around, unless you’re being a complete twat and deserve to be taken down a peg.

This, though, was obvious bullshit. A superiority complex, plain and simple. Levi had been able to see it in her eyes; the condescension, the belief that she was better than him just because he was the one behind the counter.

Newsflash, fuckface, everyone has shitty days. Levi would have been perfectly happy letting the woman go about her business, no muss, no fuss. Just place your order and leave. It was a simple process and most people had enough functioning brain cells to at least follow the routine. But of course there was always the select few who just had to be a bitch about it.

That was just fine by Levi. He had the bitch act _down_. Attitude only, mind you. If anyone wanted to get down to an actual fight Levi could guarantee more than mindless windmilling and shrieking hair-pulling.

But enough about that.

Another few customers entered, some chatting girls – students probably – and behind them a man on his phone with a perplexed frown pinching his brows together. The girls giggled the whole time that they were speaking to him, almost drowning him with what he supposed was considered to be ‘feminine charm’. It was smothering but by far preferable to the clipped sentences that a lot of customers gave him without so much as a please or thank you. Levi was sure that the girls uttered at least ten thank yous between them, bless their coy little hearts. They left an unnecessarily generous tip in the jar on the counter, flushing like delicate rose petals in the process, and Levi couldn’t find it in himself to dislike them completely. He made sure to etch several hearts on the froth of their drinks, watching them tittering off towards one of the booths by the window.

Bless their innocent little souls. But he should really be paying attention, not spacing out.

“Next.” Levi called to the man in line, still looking at his phone in concern. “Mister?”

“O-Oh, I’m sorry.” The man apologised, pushing a lock of light brown hair out of his eyes as he stepped forward.

Well at least he’d had the decency to acknowledge that he’d been spacing out. Off to an okay start, then.

The man opened his mouth. “Do you know how to get to-”

“I’m going to stop you right there.” Levi cut off the half-formed question, holding up a hand to further inform the customer to shut his trap. Another line crossed. “This is a café, not an information centre. Next.”

Goddamned tourists. Don’t they know about Google Maps? Or GPS? Or even the maps at nearly every town square ever? This shit happened way too often for the raven to put up with the whole “could you direct me to: insert most obvious building in the city” speech. He sent them on their way with a nice little reality check.

Oddly enough the man had not moved. Well that was strange; the usual scene involved either a screaming match for dominance or an awkward departure from the newly dejected customer. Well not a customer if they weren’t buying anything, Levi thought. Just a fuckwit wasting his time, then.

But the twit still. Hadn’t. Moved. Levi blinked up at him, quirking an eyebrow.

“You got a problem?” There couldn’t have been a more confrontational way to say that. “You’re holding up the line.” The raven jerked his chin in the direction of the line of customers, but also subtly in the direction of the door.

“I’m sorry,” the man began, almost making Levi roll his eyes, “but weren’t _you_ the one holding up the line with your daydream a moment ago?”

Did he just go there?

Levi took a purposefully slow moment to take in the customer’s stance, the crossed arms, the quirked eyebrow that wasn’t quite superior. More like he knew he couldn’t show a sign of weakness or he would get torn to shreds.

But oh he’d fucking gone there. Was this fucker looking to make a scene? This guy sure had some nerve. But he was absolutely goddamned right.

“Touché.” Levi uttered, pushing back from the counter and settling his weight onto one foot, crossing his arms. “Where are you headed?”

Levi might have been quick to defend himself in almost every situation life presented him with, but he also knew when to step the fuck down and admit that he was full of it. And if this guy was brave enough to call him out on his shit then Levi could spare the minute or so it would take to get him headed in the right direction.

Hopefully out of the café.

Okay, so he was still a little salty inside. What was new?

The customer ran one hand through mousey-coloured locks in an effort to smooth them back (something a little product could have easily fixed) and with his other hand the kind-of-blonde-kind-of-almost-brunet (seriously, what was that hair colour? Was he between dyes?) pulled out what appeared to be the remains of a newspaper. An advertisement of sorts, perhaps?

“Madame Zoe’s Botanic Garden?” The man said as he squinted at the paper in his hand. Well not so much _said_ as _asked_ seeing as he sounded completely unsure of himself.

But that didn’t matter because Levi knew exactly where this clown was headed and he hoped Karma was paying attention to his earlier injustice of being called out because she (yes, she, cos anyone that dedicated to revenge had to be a woman) was about to have a golden opportunity to roast this guy’s ass six ways to Sunday.

“Right next door.” The raven replied, jerking a thumb to his left. “Out the door. Left. Literally right fucking there, plants and all. How the shit did you miss it?”

The man blinked, turning to look back out the window over his shoulder with a surprised expression.

“Oh.” He said. “I came from the other direction.”

“Of course you did. Well there you go. Bye bye now. Yes, off you go.” Levi rolled his eyes but still shook his head and smirked at the hesitant steps that led the man out the door and towards his destination. Good fucking luck to him, if he had any good fortune at all he wouldn’t get eaten by some Venus Fly Trap hybrid. “Next.”

If Levi didn’t even feel a tiny bit bad waiting (more like hoping) for screams of horror to start coming from next door, nobody had to know.

 

After what seemed like an endless stream of useless human beings coming along to bring Levi’s day to all new levels of shit, there was finally a reprieve. The latest wave of students had come pouring in, a regular and some of his snot nosed friends all being relatively agreeable and asking for drinks that were (amazingly) on menu. Thank Christ. Usually students were the worst when it came to complicated coffee orders. They always had to be _trendy_ and _hip_ , or whatever the fuck reason people had for overcomplicating their caffeine fix.

These kids hadn’t been all that bad, really. Other than one weird incident that could have been an attempt at flirting or maybe just an over the top personality, for once Levi had no idea what had happened. He sent the twerps on their way with the customary icy glower and they’d been busy chatting amongst themselves in one of the window booths ever since.

Then nothing. The door didn’t budge. No figures rose in their seats to come bother him for refills or extra food. Levi was more or less free from his duties for the moment.

Casting a quick glance around the place, he noted that all of the customers were occupied with conversation, laptops, or books. This was his chance, then. As stealthily as was humanly possible, Levi edged away from the counter and slipped out through the doorway that led into the back kitchen. It was peaceful and empty, as expected, and Levi headed straight for the tea cupboard.

Yes, not just a nondescript cupboard. This one he had claimed solely for tea. It was a narrow spot in the corner, smaller than some others, but perfect for storing away loose-leaf and boxes of teabags.

Snatching up the kettle that he’d gotten out that morning, Levi set water to boil and busied himself by taking care of the pile of dirty dishes that had been left behind by the person who lived in the flat above the café. The person who just so happened to be Levi’s employer and owner of the plants shop next door.

Levi wondered what the hell they would do without him cleaning up around the place. Probably drown in their own filth, he suspected. He glowered at the metal saucepan in his hands, scrubbing viciously at the silvery inside until whatever charred essence clinging there had been obliterated by pressure and detergent.

Behind him the kettle started whistling, screaming to the world that it had completed its task and the water was ready. Thank God for that because it was way past tea time in the raven’s opinion. He’d done his best, he’d put up with countless faces demanding this and that, and now all he wanted was to sit and take a minute for himself. Levi set the now clean pot down, wiping his hands on the hand towel that hung from one of the big ovens on his way to the stove. He reached for the kettle, shutting off the gas, but before he could close his hand around the handle a different sort of screaming sound made itself known.

What the fuck was that? It sounded like someone had punched a robot Pomeranian and the thing was squealing its agony to the fucking heavens.

Wait. That sound was kind of familiar.

Oh. It had finally happened, then. That fucking waste of space bell had finally kicked the bucket. The stupid thing didn’t usually ring for that long, unless some stupid fuck of a kid shook it. With a sneer, Levi spun and headed back for the drying dishes, snatching up the saucepan and stomping out for the counter with an angry mutter of “I leave for five goddamned minutes and all hell breaks loose”. He realised mid-swing that he probably looked like some kind of insane psychopath but someone had to put an end to that horrid screeching. It wasn’t like he’d had a golden reputation to begin with.

With a whoosh of air and a startlingly loud smash, the screaming stopped. As did all other sound in the café.

Great. Levi hoped that little stunt didn’t lose him any regulars.

With a huff, he looked up, sweeping hair out of his face and glaring at the culprit.

Oh. Not a kid, like he had expected. The raven had been anticipating some snot nosed little brat and a mother convinced that their little angel could do no wrong. Instead he was faced with a man. If he could even be called that with such a boyish face. He had to be a student, only students could look so petrified and prepared for their unavoidable doom all at once.

That wide-eyed look of terror kind of suited this guy. It reminded Levi of a startled deer in the woods looking into the eyes of the predator that would, in moments, charge at it. Brown hair, big, green eyes, and fuck if those weren’t the very definition of blowjob lips then Levi would happily be struck down by lightning. Damn. But those were thoughts for another place and another time.

Well shit, another cute one. Why was it always the cute ones that caused the trouble? Damn it all the hell, _why?_ Levi always went easy on the cute ones. _Well_. Compared to the chewing out that a lot of idiot customers received, Levi supposed what this kid was about to experience could be considered “easy”.

Poor twerp looked like he was getting ready to melt into the floor. Unfortunately for Stunned-And-Bangable there would be no such escape.

Wait a second…was that appraisal? Was this kid honestly checking him out, now of all times? Oh sure, great idea. Destroy property and move right along to undressing with his eyes. Well whatever this brat thought was going to happen, he was about to get a rude shock. Another time, another day, and Levi might have been tempted to throw out a cheeky line just to see where the banter headed.

But it had been a long day.

“Oi. You done staring?” Levi didn’t bother skirting around the situation. He was being ogled and he knew it.

It turned out that the cutie of the day was also a bit of a space cadet. The brunet didn’t so much as blink as he was spoken to, still letting his eyes wander around the raven’s face.

Levi felt his eye twitch, his irritation showing, and he snapped. “Hey!”

Green eyes blinked at last, still distant, and the first thing out of the kid’s mouth was far from what Levi had been expecting.

“Not quite.”

Well that was certainly new. Maybe this day was about to get interesting.

 

It was interesting, although less so than the raven would have liked. The cheeky brat wasn’t the suave Romeo that his first words had hinted at, but somehow stuttering under pressure was even more pleasing. Levi sent the little shit on his way with a reality check, an embarrassed blush painting tan cheeks, and some ironic coffee art.

The look on the kid’s face upon seeing the little bell shape floating atop his drink he’d turned beet red and had struggled to maintain any sort of eye contact thereafter. He’d ordered a freaking hot chocolate of all things, could this guy get any more adorable?

Cute and insufferable. Goddamn. Levi really wished that he weren’t tired and irritable or else he would have asked (more like demanded) to have the boy’s number. But he was tired and he was irritable, so anything even resembling flirting was out of the question.

So Levi glanced at the wreckage that had once been the counter bell, frowning at it. The raven wondered whether this would come out of his pay, or whether it would become just another quirky story that his boss would remind him of from time to time. The brunet backed up and Levi scowled as he watched the twerp scamper off towards a table of giggling youths. Yep, definitely another student. Christ, everyone and their aunt was in university these days and all Levi wanted to do was sleep and maybe one day own a cat. Then they could both be sourpusses together. Life goal right there.

Another wave of tittering rose up from the direction of the window booths and Levi resisted the urge to roll his eyes, somehow just knowing that they were teasing the brat about getting chewed out by the cute barista. Yes. People thought he was cute. For fucks sake.

And they wondered why he always glared at people. With a sigh so deep it almost hurt, Levi swept the trash can out from under the counter with one foot, and sent the pieces of now-ruined bell tumbling into the rubbish where it belonged without a moment’s hesitation. Piece of shit technology had been annoying anyway, especially when fuckwit kids came in and figured out what it was. Then it was a constant string of electronic ringing while the little shits waved their grubby hands past the motion sensor because apparently that was a real hoot for anyone under ten.

But that was short attention spans for you.

He’d have an interesting time of it explaining the day’s events later.

One of the customers waiting left abruptly after the bell-smashing incident, something that earned a few wary chuckles from the already served customers. The next lady didn’t seem all that bothered by the display of violence towards small and shitty pieces of machinery and she ordered her espresso to go as though all was normal.

Levi appreciated that.

A few other customers wandered in, most of them managing to be halfway bearable with their requests except for one woman who couldn’t decide which pastry she wanted. He may have raised his voice a bit but after more than five minutes of staring into the glass covered shelves it had been getting ridiculous.

He finally got to make his tea, choosing to bring the pot and his favourite cup out to the counter so that he could keep an eye on things and make sure that none of the customers ever got too comfortable without the presence of his icy glare.

Levi may have inadvertently made one of the customers a bit uncomfortable when, upon taking his first mouthful of tea, he had let go of a rather indecent moan of appreciation. They had moved a little farther away as a result, but hadn’t left the premises entirely so Levi didn’t feel all that guilty.

As the end of his shift was approaching, the doe-eyed brunet came sidling up to the counter again. He looked decidedly bashful, averting his eyes to the ground and stuffing his clenched fists into his jacket pockets.

Levi couldn’t resist teasing him.

“Anything else you’d care to break?” He asked, keeping his tone dry just to watch the brat squirm.

The brunet flushed at the comment, ducking his head with a mumbled “no” and fidgeting anxiously with the zipper of his jacket.

Cute, Levi thought, and he leaned against the counter while he waited for the other male to speak. It took a while, the twerp floundering for a good long moment and staring all around, in every possible direction, except for Levi’s.

It was, in a word, hilarious. Levi chewed the inside of one cheek to fight back he urge to smirk. He kind of hoped that he hadn’t scared this one off. Maybe things would get interesting with someone fun around to mess with.

“I was kind of hoping you made shit coffee.” The boy mumbled then, looking at the floor with a little frown.

It took a second for the words to sink in and when they did Levi blinked in confusion.

What?

“What?” He said a second later, voicing his thought aloud.

No seriously, what?

But the brunet refused to explain himself, just asked for one of the pastry and chocolate scrolls with a “please” and a “thank you”, paying and fleeing for the booths again. Levi was left shaking his head, wondering if anything else would happen before his shift came to an end.

And that was when he heard it, the sound he’d been waiting to hear for most of the day. A single, undoubtedly girlish scream coming from the store next door. Sounded like Hanji had hired herself a new store attendant.

Finally, someone was having a worse day than him.

Despite his better instinct, Levi started laughing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter like this, I promise. Now things are set up decently. From here we'll see things progress into insanity and (hopefully) hilarity!  
> P.S. Guess who got hired to work at the plant store next door to the cafe? XD Subtle character introductions for the win.


	4. Don't Flirt With Satan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm serious, don't flirt with Satan. Really, just don't do it. It's bad for your health.

It was probably a gradual build-up of moments that led to the one, final acceptance.

Levi was a fucking demon.

And Eren meant that in the literal sense. Spawn of Satan, scourge of Hell, Bible nonsense demon. He’d thought demons had horns and spined tails, maybe glowing eyes and nightmarish smiles. But no, demons apparently came with aprons and bad attitudes. They came with eyeliner and a mouth full of snark, ready with a withering scowl and crippling retorts.

Eren convinced himself of this over a number of weeks. A demon existed in Eren’s life now, although why it would be willingly employed in a café would remain a mystery.

Then again, maybe Levi just got a sick enjoyment out of making people’s lives a living Hell for a couple of minutes each day?

The satisfied smirk he got after successfully subjecting unsuspecting customers to venomous sarcasm only made Eren more certain. This man had climbed straight out of the Underworld and taken up residence at 227 Ascot Street.

His method of torture did not involve anything more than words. Brutal, completely honest words laced with unrelenting sarcasm.

A ruthless knife wound right to the ego.

Although to be honest, some of the asshats that came in deserved it. Maybe Eren even liked watching someone give a little harsh truth to some of the city’s inhabitants. That didn’t make him any less wary of the little barista.

Levi was the very definition of hard to please. Even non-living things seemed to irk him. The equipment that lined his counters copped just as much flak from the mouthy barista as the customers. That was usually more amusing that worrying, and Eren had caught the tail end of quite a few one-sided arguments or threats against the espresso machine.

“-don’t start working properly I’ll take you apart, build a radio, and beg E.T. to take _me_ home.”

“You’re going to give me an actual heart attack. Stop with the random bursts of steam! You’re not even that old!”

“You know what? I’m done with you. I thought we could work this out, but you just couldn’t keep up your end of the bargain. Maybe someone will pity your sorry ass on the street and adopt you?”

That last one had been caught as Levi had walked right by with his arms full of gurgling equipment, placing it outside and returning to declare that there would be tea or instant coffee only for the rest of the day.

The new machine had received much nicer treatment. It was a rare change to see the barista fawning over technology instead of berating it for making his life a living Hell.

Customers were always reliable in that they could always, always bring out the sour in Levi.

Eren hadn’t ever met such a moody guy, and he’d been looking since that first failure of a day at the café. RIP to that poor bell, an incident that none of Eren’s friends had let him live down. They’d been going to the café every afternoon since that day.

Armin called it a good study environment. Apparently something about the vaguely terrifying atmosphere was perfect for inducing optimum anxiety levels for focusing on their work.

Jean called it weathering terrorism.

Still, those ethics quizzes were getting easier to get through so Eren figured it was worth hovering around the edges of a terrible temper. He tried not to pay too much attention to that. It was somewhat of a vain effort when the aura of disdain that radiated from Levi was practically a tangible thing some days. Like an invisible mist that hovered in the air of the café, threatening to smother. Levi’s black moods were rare, which seemed ridiculous seeing as the barista was almost always frowning. Over the weeks, however, it became bizarrely apparent that the presence of a frown did not always infer the presence of a bad mood.

Levi just frowned a lot. He had the world’s worst case of resting bitch face, and that might have been a problem for him if he wasn’t actually quite attractive.

That was also something that Eren was trying quite avidly not to pay too much attention to.

As long as Levi was busy insulting him, that much was easy. He was still just as likely to become a victim of Levi’s wrath. Eren still had his name on the raven’s shit list, after all.

“Well if it isn’t Wreck It Ralph.” Levi greeted, the words remarkably bored in tone.

His eyes reflected some of the annoyance his words suggested, and Eren could only sigh as he reached the counter.

“That was one time.” He said.

There was no helping it. He really had made an awful, if spectacular, first impression. At least Levi didn’t look like he was ready to tear off any heads today.

“I should hope so.” The raven replied, leaning back to rest his weight on one foot.

It leant him quite a flattering posture.

“Are you ever going to let that go?” Eren asked.

More like pleaded.

Levi cocked one, slender brow. “Are you ever going to buy a replacement bell?” He shot back, tone doubtful.

That was a damned good point. Eren wasn’t even sure if Levi was being serious, or if he was still just pulling Eren’s leg. It could have been either at this point.

“…do you want me to?” The brunet asked.

He made no effort to mask his confusion.

Levi made no effort to hide his amusement, either. He seemed to get some kind of bizarre enjoyment out of making Eren feel like a lost lamb facing down a sly, silver-tongued wolf.

“Figure that out yourself, kid.” Was all that Levi offered, straightening out of his lazy slouch to reach for a cup. “Now order something or move along.”

Apparently Levi wasn’t going to let him live down their introductory incident either.

 

Another lively afternoon at the café, tucked away in a booth with his friends. Sasha and Connie were working through last week’s pay buying the café’s legendary triple chocolate cookies, and getting crumbs all over their notes. Armin was hunkered down, tuning out the chattering around him with ease. It was remarkable how Armin could go in and out of focus at will, somehow recognising when someone was asking him something important as opposed to something non-study related. Beside Eren, Jean sat bitching about how Levi had made his coffee hotter than the surface of the sun again, on purpose. Dude probably deserved it.

And Eren was forgoing his studies in favour of watching yet another interaction by the counter.

A mother and her five children had entered about five minutes ago, and the stout woman still hadn’t finished making her order. Eren knew. He knew because he’d been paying far too much attention to what was happening across the room and nowhere near enough attention to the ethics notes he’d scrawled down in class.

There would be time to cram in a couple of hours of study later. For now it was far more entertaining to watch Levi’s steadily growing irritation from a (relatively) safe distance.

While the lady tried to decide what to purchase for her happily squealing children, Levi tried not to spontaneously combust from growing anger as the little twerps scuttled about the store. Screaming, chasing each other, even running behind the counter and out into the kitchen at one point. Who could blame them, trying to escape the boredom of waiting for their mother? The woman was considering her options, or as Levi might have said, ‘taking her sweet-ass time about it’. In the quiet of the café, the kids did what they could to entertain themselves. Unfortunately that meant a rather obnoxious game of tag, with high-pitched, shouted directions to boot. Their mother barely noticed, too busy asking about the specific ingredients that had gone into several of the pastries on display. Levi hunted the little terrors out of the kitchen for the third time, and Eren was frankly surprised not to see a broom in the raven’s hands by that point.

Something happened next to Eren, Jean giving an almighty sneeze and almost dousing Armin in coffee. Napkins were passed out, puddles of coffee mopped at, and Eren lost a couple of seconds of the commotion as he paused to help out his friends before Levi could hiss at them about getting the tables sticky. Again. When Eren finally turned back he wondered what he had missed.

He’d never seen such a passively hostile situation.

The calm on Levi’s face was a stark contrast to the fire in his eyes, and across the counter the woman had a look of disdain spreading across her features.

Levi spoke first, or maybe he was replying. Eren didn’t know. All he did know was that the air felt colder for no reason other than the bloody murder written in Levi’s gaze.

“I swear to God if one more kid runs back there I’ll be bringing them back covered in pastry and disguised as the dessert of the day.” The raven said suddenly, so casually.

Armin choked on a mouthful of coffee as he tuned in. Levi tilted his head, the new pose only adding to the nonchalant bite to his words.

“So do us both a favour and keep an eye on your brats,” the raven continued, “or watch them sell out faster than a Beyoncé concert.”

Eren could have sworn he saw steam come shooting out of the woman’s ears. It would have explained why her face got so red all of a sudden.

“Did you just threaten my child?” She asked needlessly.

Someone was looking to start a war, and Eren and co. were all too ready to duck and cover. And watch all of the drama, of course. Probably from under the safety of nearby tables.

Levi leaned against his counter, elbows holding him up, and he looked almost disinterested when he replied.

“Lady. I’ll fucking swallow them whole if you don’t keep your little _angels_ out of my kitchen.” He cocked an eyebrow. “Capiche?”

Another death-staring contest started up between the barista and his customer, even the kids somewhat aware that there was unrest amongst the adults.

Armin inhaled audibly through his nose. “Ooooh boy.” He muttered.

Jean was nodding in agreement, his eyes glued to the scene and the argument that had started up again. “Dragon lady over there is about to go God mode.”

“You really think she’ll go off at Levi?” Sasha asked from under the book beneath which she had been cowering for the past couple of minutes.

Connie lifted a book of his own, mirroring her pose with an equally anxious expression.

“Dude.” Jean scoffed. “Levi’s the one I was talking about.”

Eren processed that, running “dragon lady” around in his head and fitting it to the scowling face across the room. Behind his counter, all but snarling and baring his teeth.

It was a fitting title.

“Is that the new codename?” He asked.

“I think it’s pretty appropriate.” Armin answered, glancing up at Jean’s silent nodding.

Eren found himself nodding, too. “You’re telling me.” He said, eyes trained on the affronted pair across the room, squaring off as if for a fist fight. “I mean did you guys hear some of that? Oaths to God? Swallowing kids? No one else is worried here?”

It was time to see if anyone else had noticed how creepy their local barista had been.

Jean snorted in amusement right away. “It’s just Levi, Eren. He’s like that.”

“He’s a fucking demon.” Eren insisted.

The ashbrown rolled his eyes, still smirking like he thought his friend was ridiculous. “This again?” He asked, shooting the brunet a sceptical look. “Eren, for fuck’s sake, you don’t even go to church.”

“Aren’t you an atheist?” Connie piped up from underneath a textbook that he and Sasha now shared as a hiding place.

“He’s agnostic.” Armin supplied oh-so-helpfully.

Jean clicked his fingers at that, remembering. “Right, right. So all this God, Jesus, demons and Hell stuff isn’t even real to you, right?” He said it more than he asked it. “You’re just mad cos he’s hot and you’re hopeless.”

True, so devastatingly true.

But that was beside the point.

Eren cracked his knuckles in mock offense. “Them’s fighting words, Jean.”

Jean waved off Connie’s laughter and Sasha’s good-natured taunting.

“Hey, calm down.” The ashbrown chuckled, hands held up in surrender. “Nothing to get your panties in a twist about. Besides, you can’t really convince me that you’re any sort of a believer just because this one guy is a gremlin.”

“Have you _seen_ the way he is?” Eren asked, his tone thick with disbelief. “It’s like humanity is a curse to him.”

This time it was Armin’s turn to snort. “Oh yes, I’m sure we’re an insult to his very existence.”

That wasn’t even arguable; Levi acted like everyone and everything was an insult to his existence. Even Eren couldn’t say anything against that.

“Levi has to deal with pissy customers all day.” Jean added, shrugging. “I’m sure he didn’t ask for this, so cut the guy some slack.”

Dealing with customer after nagging customer was a gruelling task, Eren had to agree. And Levi was here almost all day, most days of the week.

Maybe he was some sort of social sadomasochist?

Eren sighed, not quite a relenting sound. “Okay but has anyone else noticed that there’s no salt in this entire place?”

Okay, maybe he had gone a bit too far because Armin was looking at him like he was a grade A loony, and Jean…well Jean usually looked at Eren like he was some special brand of idiot so there was no real change there.

“What the actual fuck, Eren?” Jean muttered.

And yup, his friends officially thought he was nuts. But he’d gone there now, no use backpedalling.

“Listen, okay. Demons don’t like salt, right?” Eren asked the table, realising how dumb he sounded only after the words were out of his mouth. “It’s…well it’s not proof, exactly, but it’s damned well a coincidence!”

Armin actually face palmed. “You don’t need salt in a café that sells sweet foods and beverages. Have you ever heard someone ask for salt in their coffee? Or with a dessert pastry?”

“And there could be salt out in the back kitchen.” Sasha chose to offer.

Eren tried not to glare at her, aiming his glower at the table instead.

He could still see Jean nodding in his periphery. The ashbrown snickered.

“You’re an idiot, Jaeger.” Jean said, patting the brunet on the back to soften the insult.

Eren sighed, defeated, and leaned forward until his head was pressed to his notebook on the table.

“Besides, there’s enough salt coming out of his mouth that he probably got rid of the rest anyway to give us a break.” Armin contributed, smirking over his notes.

“Har har har.” Eren spoke into his book. “Hilarious.”

Someone flicked the top of his head. Armin probably.

“I thought that one was pretty good, actually.” The blonde’s voice said.

Definitely Armin, then.

“You’re going to get ink on your face.” Jean informed him, prodding at the brunet’s shoulder.

Eren grunted at him in response.

“What else have you got, Eren?” Connie asked suddenly, and that must have been him shaking Eren’s shoulder. “This is getting entertaining.”

Well at least his friends were amused. Eren thought, considering all the little things he’d noticed or tried to put together to fit his (apparently ridiculous) demon theory.

Well there was that one thing.

“Weather manipulation.” Eren mumbled against the page that was surely going to stick to his face.

A beat of silence.

“What?” That was Armin’s voice.

“I swear to whatever God is out there,” Eren started, raising a hand to point to the ceiling like that could get the attention of the supposed deity he was swearing to, “every time Levi gets pissed a cloud casts shadow over the café.”

Sasha bit back a shriek of laughter, while Connie wheezed. “Jesus, Eren. _Stop_.” He slapped the table, stifling his laughter into a considerably unattractive gurgling sound in his throat.

“Actually I’ve seen that happen.” Jean snickered. “The weather thing, I mean. I thought it was pretty funny.”

“Funny now.” Eren muttered. “I bet it’ll be hilarious when he sacrifices all our souls for the glory of his dark master.”

Another choking sound of amusement came from Connie.

“Now you’re making it sound like he’s into some kinky BDSM roleplay.” Sasha pointed out.

Jean barked a laugh. “Dark master? Really, Eren?”

Eren, realising his mistake, winced. “Okay so I could have picked a better way to word that.” He admitted, lifting his head to glare when Jean started laughing again.

A page lifted up with him, peeling away much slower than he would have liked.

There was bound to be ink on his face.

“Oh no,” Jean smirked, pretending to wipe tears of laughter from his eyes, “please tell us more about his glorious, dark master.”

“Fuck you guys.” Eren groaned, swiping an arm at Jean.

And, abruptly, there was a loud shout. The store seemed to get a fraction darker as a cloud passed by.

“Enough!” It was the woman again, _still_ trying to pick a fight. She glared fiercely. “You’re abominable.”

The entire café fell back into the kind of quiet that instantly meant eavesdropping was afoot.

Levi just cocked an eyebrow at her. “Who even uses words like that?”

“Where’s your manager?” The mother asked.

More like demanded.

Levi sighed, dreadfully bored of the whole situation.

That didn’t make his antsy customer any happier. “Excuse me? I said where is your manager?”

“How do you know I’m not the manager?” He asked.

Oh…oh no. That bordering-on-offended tone was never a good sign. Eren had half a mind to step in, to show the lady out before she could be shredded.

Although she was doing okay on her own so far. No signs of withering under that dark stare.

“Take a look in the mirror.” She said then, sealing her fate. “I know manager material when I see it, and it’s not present in you.”

Eren might not have been a fan of the surly little man, but even he winced at the comment. Loud enough to have everyone in the place deathly silent, waiting. Looking at Levi’s reaction, Eren wasn’t sure who to feel sorry for, the barista, or the woman getting stared down like his next unwitting victim.

Never had Eren had a fiercer hope that Levi was not a psycho killer, or worse an actual demon.

If he was Satan, then this lady was fucked.

He hadn’t spoken yet, probably working overtime to keep the murderous intent off of his face.

“Don’t make me ask again.” The woman went on haughtily. “Where is your manager?”

The picture of stillness broke as Levi straightned.

“Out.” The raven bit out the word, but he jerked a thumb to the right. “Lucky for you, they’re right next door. Plant shop. Can’t miss it.”

A terse nod was the only response Levi got before his customer turned on her heel. She had a hand on the door when Levi spoke up again.

“Not to be pedantic, but you asked twice anyway.” He added, probably just to cause the almost purple flush of anger that began taking over the woman’s face.

The door slammed behind her.

Inked arms crossed, the furrow in Levi’s brow threatening to become permanently etched into the skin. Levi’s muttered “wait for it” seemed to be addressed to the whole room.

Somewhere outside, a door could be heard opening. Muffled, but distinguishable.

While he waited, Levi fished out biscuits to distract the kids. They each got saucers and threats of cleaning the whole store as punishment if they dropped any crumbs.

Arms crossed again. The counter as his leaning post. Levi waited, eyes narrowing. He cocked his head, and the silence stretched on. Eren couldn’t look away, waiting for whatever the raven was waiting for. Everyone was still, conversation forgotten.

A pitching scream. Frantic footsteps.

Eren blinked just to make sure that he wasn’t imagining the satisfied smile that curved Levi’s mouth. The raven shooed the kids towards the door. He seemed almost proud when they all remembered to deliver their plates back to him, handing them over and scampering for the door just as it opened to reveal their white-faced mother.

She left very quickly.

“Anyone else want to be an asshole?” Levi asked, eyeing the room with a steady gaze. No one spoke. “No? Good.”

Conversation returned, albeit quieter than before.

The table of friends turned back to their notes, even Eren ducked his head to scan over scrawled dot points.

“Alright.” Jean sighed at last, stretching out and wincing at a quiet pop somewhere along his back. “This mood sucks.” He announced, flipping his book shut. “Why don’t we lighten things up?”

All eyes on the table turned his way.

“How?” Sasha asked, the first to speak.

“We could leave?” Eren suggested.

He was mostly joking. Mostly.

Jean scratched at his chin for a moment, looking very much as though he were considering his options. And maybe reconsidering them.

“I was thinking I’d try to dally with the dragon lady over there and see if I come back alive.” The ashbrown said finally, and the table went quiet again.

Eren sat up, eyes bugging in their sockets. He shook his head.

“Oh my God.” Armin said.

For all his surprise, the blonde looked interested in the developing situation.

“Do it.” Connie half-choked around a mouthful of cookie.

“I have to see this. Wait, I need my camera out-” Sasha turned to rummage about in her bag.

“You’re going to flirt? With him?” Eren leaned across the table, fingers splayed against scattered books. “He’s fucking Satan, Jean. You don’t _flirt_ with Satan.”

“Pretty sure it says Levi on his nametag.” Jean grinned, making finger guns in Eren’s direction. “Not Satan. Besides, what would Mr. Morningstar be doing out of Hell, working at a café? Working at _this_ café?”

Eren shrugged. “Vacation? Community service time for misfit demons?” He suggested, although now that he thought about it most demons would be misfits anyway. “Filling the lives of the everyday folk with misery?”

A snort of amusement came from the ashbrown. “That’s what mother-in-laws are for, my friend. If there’s anyone working for the devil, it’s them.”

In his periphery, Eren could see Connie give a nod.

Eren rolled his eyes. “Why don’t you go flirt with somebody’s mother-in-law then?” He suggested somewhat sourly, slumping back in his seat. “At least you’d have a chance at surviving.”

“Christ, Eren. Have a little fun.”

“Christ can’t help you now.” Armin smirked.

Eren continued to glower, arms crossed. “Whatever. Do what you want, but don’t come crying to me when he dropkicks you out a window.”

That would be a sight worth seeing.

“I’m feeling pretty confident.” Jean admitted.

Cocky asshole.

“Oh yeah?” Armin said, egging his friend on to his own demise.

“Five bucks says I can get his number.” The ashbrown said, then. He addressed the table.

Eren scoffed at him. “Ten says you come back a shade of green. Without his number.”

And thus the wager was set.

“You’re on, Jaeger.” Jean grinned, hand out.

They shook once, and that was that.

“Careful he doesn’t steal your soul.” Armin said as the ashbrown went to depart, smirking.

“Uh uh, they have to make a deal with you for that shit.” Jean shot back with a grin.

Eren squinted at him. “I hope he hands you a ‘go directly to Hell’ card.” He muttered, watching his friend saunter away.

“He’s so fucked.” Was the unanimous agreement that passed around the table.

 

Levi heard the kid coming a mile away, clopping over like he owned the damned shop. The raven rolled his eyes, unseen by the approaching adolescent – he had a good cover turned away for the moment to clean milk of the steaming wand of one of the espresso machines.

“Hey, hey.”

And so it began.

“Greeting twice? Wow, what’s the bet that that’s trending.” Levi muttered.

“Whatcha doin?”

Christ almighty, it was like having a falsely confident tween try to initiate conversation. The raven glanced over his shoulder and, lo and behold, one of the student troop had approached.

“Cleaning.” He said after a pause just long enough to make the kid start to regret his decision to come over.

And there it was, a flickering of indecision. Good, this one wouldn’t take too much to send off running.

Or screaming, if Levi really tried.

“Jean, right?” Levi said when the double-dyed twerp didn’t say anything right away. “You’re one of Armin’s bunch?”

“Yes!” Jean latched onto the offered reel of conversation immediately.

“Well then, can I get you anything or have you managed to get lost in the time it took you to get from the booth to here?”

Jean didn’t seem thrown immediately by the sarcasm, but he did hesitate for a minute to speak.

“You seem pretty good with your hands.” The ashbrown started, and oh God he was really going for it. “Ever worked with something a little bigger?”

Oh wow, this couldn’t be happening. Levi finished his cleaning before he even considered turning properly, and he was mildly surprised to find Jean still waiting there. Like the poor kid hadn’t noticed the escape he’d been offered.

Too late now, for Levi was leaning against his side of the counter with one hand. Ready to deal with this. He swept his bangs back out of his face and levelled the young man with a bored look.

“Dick euphemisms?” He uttered. “That’s really what you want to start with?”

To his credit, Jean did not flinch at the tone. “I figured you’d appreciate the direct approach.” He said, looking almost proud.

Like he’d discovered some secret, when he had no idea what he was doing.

“It’s dangerous to assume.” The raven said, leaning an elbow against the counter. “What can I do for you, two-tone?”

This time Jean did look thrown, and he glanced around like the empty space surrounding him would suddenly be full of possible answers.

“Well coffee is your speciality.” The boy tried, and Levi was almost disappointed that he’d started giving up so easily.

“Oh you don’t know my speciality.” The raven murmured, leaving just enough room in his tone that it wasn’t blatantly obvious that the topic wasn’t innocent. “And I know you haven’t finished that last cup you bought.”

At this, Jean looked notably surprised.

“How can you tell from just the cup?” He asked.

Levi rolled his eyes, jerking his chin towards the kid’s table. “It’s still steaming, dumbass.”

The boy turned and Levi could spot the exact moment when he realised what a stupid decision it had been to come over here. Priceless.

Jean turned back. Swallowed.

“…you’re observant.” He admitted.

Levi smirked. “I hear it pays to be.”

And cue the awkward silence. It stretched on for a good while, Levi making no attempts to lessen the uncomfortable tension. Jean’s face started to heat up.

“So…” he offered, looking for a way out.

“So what?” Levi said immediately, just about done with the situation now that the novelty had worn off. “You gonna keep wasting my time? Or do you want to keep making innuendos at me?”

“Well it was either that one or ‘my doctor says I’m deficient in Vitamin U’.” Jean tried to defend.

Levi gave a short laugh and shook his head. “That might almost be cute if it were anyone but you.”

“Hey.” Jean uttered, his eyes narrowing. “You got something against me?”

“Gosh I hope not.” Levi smirked.

He had the kid off balance, and that was the truly fun part of this kind of scenario.

“Why do I feel like I’m being unnecessarily insulted?” The ashbrown wondered aloud, tone suspicious.

Levi inclined his head to the side a fraction, squinted almost playfully. “I wouldn’t say unnecessarily.”

Jean glowered finally and the game was over.

“You really are a snarky little dude.” The ashbrown huffed, crossing his arms.

The raven gave a nod at that, allowing the statement. He couldn’t exactly argue with the truth.

“It’s been said.” Levi agreed, although he aimed a slightly slitted stare at Jean then. “Although I’d lay off on the little if I were you. I’ve been told I have anger issues.”

One of Jean’s eyebrows rose up. “Triggered, huh?”

Oh don’t go there.

Levi chuckled, though there wasn’t much humour to the sound. “Only one way to find out.” He said, shrugging. His next tone was far from friendly, and Jean looked pale even before Levi had spoken. “Care to risk broken legs?”

It was very clear in an instant that Jean was not at all interested in any sort of physical harm towards any of his body parts. He said as much.

“I like them j-just fine unbroken, thanks.”

A stutter, victory to Levi!

“You’d better run back to your friends, then.” The raven said, jerking a thumb in their direction. “Seems to me like you owe someone some money.”

Off the kid went, walking a little stiffly. And Levi hadn’t even tried that hard to send him running. Well at least he hadn’t lost his touch.

The barista groaned and brought his hands up to his face, covering his eyes with palms pressed against closed lids.

Surely this damned shift would be over soon? Levi huffed and dragged his hands down a bit to press fingers into the corners of his eyes to rub.

“Fuck I hate kids.” He muttered, intending to check the time and probably spend a few minutes wondering why it always went so slowly on shitty days.

“They’re not so bad.” A voice piped up, familiar enough by now that Levi only sighed at the sound of it.

Thin fingers parted and Levi stared through the gap with as bored a look as he could muster, aiming that stare right at Eren.

“I was talking about you and your juvenile friends.” He informed the brunet, watching the kid pause in taking a seat at the counter.

“Well that’s a little offensive.” Eren said, frowning a little.

And there was that cute pout he got when he frowned like that, but no. Nope. Levi was not about to get into a real flirting match after he’d only just thwarted a fake attempt.

“No.” Levi said, waving a finger back and forth in the boy’s face. “Oh no. You don’t get to claim that you’re offended when you and your twerp pals have been testing pick-up lines on a helpless soul all afternoon.”

“It hasn’t been all afternoon.” Eren defended, then paused as if he’d thought of something. “Helpless?” He repeated, then.

The brunet looked dubious, and Levi didn’t blame him.

He almost smirked, but thought it better to play aloof. That was always better at throwing Eren off.

“Maybe that was bad word choice.” Levi hummed as if in thought, and tapped a slender finger against his mouth like he was considering his choice of adjective. “Let me rephrase then. I _could_ kick in all of your snotty faces if I wanted. I might even get fired for it.” He took a moment to take in Eren’s suddenly pale face, and shrugged as casually as he could manage. “But I really don’t want to ruin my shoes and no one else is going to man this counter. So do me a favour, pipe the fuck down, and make this shift a little more bearable?”

Eren choked on air for a moment before he could speak, and even then he stammered out a shaky “O-Okay.”

“Why so nervous?” Levi teased, smirking for a moment before he dropped the expression. “Unless you’re the next in line to try and flirt your way into my pants?”

No response, only one beet red Eren looking like he might feint any minute. Levi actually laughed at him, hiding the sound behind the back of a hand.

“That’s a no, then? God, you’d never be able to do it, huh?” Another chuckle escaped him, and Levi was surprised just how quickly his mood improved when he got to mess with this kid. “Relax. I wouldn’t mess up a face like yours. Well, not unless you really pissed me off.”

Eren blinked those stunning eyes of his. Blinked again.

Levi could practically see him picking his words apart, and it took quite an effort not to smile.

He got it. Eren had caught the approval, and he flushed even darker. “Um…”

“Yes, that was a compliment. From the look on your face I’m guessing that you don’t get many.” Levi said honestly, noting the little frown that appeared again. “That little scowl right there is why. Don’t look so upset, though. That’s good news for me.” Levi smirked, looking up through his lashes. “Makes my job easier.”

“And what job would that be?” Eren forced the words out, sounding out of breath.

Oh adorable, obtuse little mouse. Was he really missing it?

“Wooing you.” Levi deadpanned. “Know what that means, twerp?”

“Oh. Um. That’s…yes.”

Levi paused, bent against the counter in that cheeky pose for a few seconds longer…and then he rolled his eyes with a smirk.

“I’m messing with you, Eren. Well, mostly.”

“O-Oh. Oh?”

Oh God, he even pouted when he was confused. There was no handling this.

“Stop it, you’re too much.” Levi leaned over the counter, reaching up to prod at the furrow in Eren’s brow.

He watched that frown melt into surprise for a few, fleeting seconds, and Eren’s eyes were wide as saucers as they stared back at him.

“Little shit. Now do you see how distracting it can be when some fucker flirts at you?” Levi said, his smile sliding back into that expressionless mask. He leaned back from the counter, weight balanced on one foot. “You kind of owe me five bucks, by the way.”

Eren blinked out of his confused stupor, frowning again. “Huh?”

Levi managed to look amused without actually smiling. “I heard your bullshit little bet.” He admitted. “You should have put on a better wager; nobody gets my number, brat.”

Eren considered that in silence for a few moments.

“Is there a reason for that?” The boy asked, finally.

Levi nodded, tracing some meaningless pattern across the countertop. “There is indeed.”

“High standards?” Eren guessed.

“No phone.” Levi replied, smirking at Eren’s bemused expression.

He looked just a little bit impressed, nodding to himself.

“Sneaky.” Eren admitted, watching the raven’s smirk grow. “Clever.” He added.

Good boy – slowly but surely learning to drop compliments in return.

“Flattered.” Levi replied.

He waited.

Eren swallowed, something nervous but intrigued playing about his face.

“Intimidated.” He admitted after a moment.

Levi laughed, the sound more of a chuckle than anything else. He was smirking again as he looked up.

“Good.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the most dialogue I've written in a story chapter in what feels like a damned long time. It feels so weird writing conversations after all the merpeople and dragon/phoenix wordless interactions. o_o
> 
> Also Eren's demon theory has begun at last!


	5. The Early Shift

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is not beta'd. I literally just finished writing this chapter at the speed of dayum, so typos may happen. Forgive me.

If he hadn’t overheard those shit-for-brains students discussing the likelihood that he was some kind of demon incarnate instead of doing their homework or whatever torturous process university students went through, Levi might never have gotten the brilliant idea to pretend that he was, in fact, Satan.

And fuck him if that wasn’t the longest thought he’d had all day.

Really, it was an inspired idea. A satanic barista? Priceless. Really, they could theme the whole damned store after that and draw in some of the stranger youth.

Levi would have smiled at the thought if he hadn’t already been busy pretending that he didn’t have a soul. How else was he supposed to prepare for this, the role of a lifetime? That was a trick question; as it happened Levi was already planning to go out and find replacements for all his piercings, preferably something with fire on it. Maybe some pentacles or crucifixes? Anything that could be easily interpreted as some less-than-subtle hint at the occult.

Nah, he wasn’t motivated enough for that. And besides, it would freak Eren out more if Levi just turned up to work with none of his metal or makeup and said “hello” instead of “the fuck is up?” or something else equally insulting and non-traditional.

That wasn’t a bad idea, actually.

“Hello, Eren. How was your day? Can I get you anything?” Yeah that was sure to gain maximum suspicion with the least amount of effort.

But he could get around to that some other time.

Whatever the fuck Satan would be doing in a café, in _this_ café, of all places completely escaped Levi but he didn’t let that deter him. Levi liked to think that this place and its staff were enough of a nightmare that even Satan would take a step in the door and realise that he didn’t need to bother fucking anything else up. The place was hellish enough as it was.

Prime example: starting in the morning. In the morning, as in seven o’clock this particular morning. Levi was really starting to contemplate sending Hanji a formal email about organising proper shifts and more staff.

Knowing the hours he would be working beforehand would be nice but hey, you can’t have everything.

Today, though, had been miraculously quiet. There had been customers, sure, and plenty of them. None of them were the loud, obnoxious, or rude variety this time around, however, and that just about counted as a miracle in Levi’s book. Lots of bleary-eyed students staggered inside, asking for coffee with the extreme level of politeness that only the very, very tired normally bother with. They fumbled for the right money, more than half of them bumbling off with a mumble of “thanks” and “keep the change”.

Levi loved sleepy customers. Sleepy students, actually. They were his favourite – always barely awake and ready with an apology on their lips in case they bumped into something or someone, or had to be asked things twice. They just wanted their caffeine, sometimes food, and to be able to survive another day of that glorious duty known as adulthood.

Oh the joys of being a supposedly responsible human being.

And then there was Eren. Another student that Levi was favouring, not at all a responsible adult, and never, ever on time.

There he was, tearing along the opposite side of the street like some kind of possessed thing. Likely running late _again_. Poor kid. He tried, really. Levi suspected that Eren was just bad at organising things…like when to go to bed, or when to stop ignoring his alarms in the morning. A classic student – dazed and confused at the best of times.

Eren made an abrupt turn, dashing across the street with other, more sluggish pedestrians, and made a beeline for the café.

A morning visit? Unusual.

Levi felt the beginnings of a grin, which he forced into a more subtle smirk in case he startled yet another unsuspecting customer with the knowledge that he did, in fact, know how to smile. Eren entering the café meant one thing for certain: shenanigans. But today Eren looked a bit stressed. His pace was bordering on manic, a frown building on his face. The kid looked like he was in a real hurry and, for some reason unknown to the majority of the known universe, Levi didn’t feel like hassling him. His personal amusement could wait, Levi figured. For once he would try the whole “customer service” thing in place of his usual “customer inconvenience” routine.

Bursting in through the doors, Eren actually startled a couple of customers awake at a table where they’d been dozing off. The brunet slipped a little in his effort to stop, managing to stay upright. Barely.

Levi blinked at him.

“Hi,” Eren gasped, actually _gasped_ the winded greeting at him, doubling over for a second to catch his breath. He looked up, still bent over and leaning with his hands braced on his knees for balance, “um, do you have any food that I could like, grab and run with?”

He looked like he’d been running too much already. Knowing Eren he probably had, too. All the way from his bed, which he’d tumbled out of no doubt, right up to the moment he’d skidded in through the café doors.

Levi didn’t call the twerp out on any of that, though.

“Skipped breakfast, did you?” He said in summary of all the thoughts he might have said otherwise.

Eren didn’t seem to think that question warranted an answer, and dodged around it. “I kind of need an answer in three seconds or I am going to be late. Please.”

The kid had remembered his manners, so Levi decided not to waste his time with a pointless lecture on social etiquette and how a decent person might go about using that in their daily interactions.

“I can give you a pair of croissants for four dollars.” He said, quick and simple. “They’ll be plain, though. And I’ll look for the shit ones.”

There were a couple out the back that Levi had neglected to unpack, given that they were a bit squashed. If Eren didn’t mind that, he could have them for free. Fuck it.

“Don’t care. Need sustenance.”

“Righto, White Rabbit, I get the message. You’re in a hurry.” Levi disappeared for only a moment, returning with two pastries which he into a paper bag and folded up the top to keep them from falling out. “They look like crap, so you can just take them.”

“Yeah?” Eren’s enthusiasm told Levi everything he needed to know about Eren’s student status.

Stressed, in need of caffeine, and always ready to jump at a deal.

“Sure. You want a drink or is there not enough time?”

Eren worried over that for a second, biting at his lip in thought.

He should really cut that out. It was distracting as hell.

“How long would it take?” Eren asked.

Levi almost said “huh?” but blinked back into the present in time to avoid being caught staring.

“Instant coffee is all I promise you.” He said, hoping it was a quick enough response that Eren didn’t notice anything. The last thing Levi needed was Eren having ammunition to use against him, and he just knew the brat would _love_ to know Levi had a crush on him. “Our microwave heats things like it’s trying to melt them out of existence. Thirty seconds and you’ll be on your way.”

Thirty seconds and the measly price for coffee alone was a good enough deal for Eren. He all but sang Levi’s praises.

It would have been a complete lie to say that the raven hadn’t enjoyed the attention.

Levi had not been lying. Eren scrambled for the right money while the raven set the cold cup of coffee in the microwave and printed off a small, paper receipt. The brunet all but sprinted out of the shop the moment his coffee landed on the counter, calling out a loud “thank you” and several other praises as he went, leaving an amused Levi behind in the suddenly quiet café.

 

The day passed, blissfully uneventful other than a brief visit from the boss. Hanji had been delighted to run a little errand for Levi since he was duty bound to man the counter for his stupidly long shift. She delivered his requested item in a plastic bag, not a single question asked although she did give him one of those looks that said she knew he was up to some stupid shit.

He’d tell her all about it when there was more to tell.

At the moment ‘boy meets boy then intimidates the shit out of him’ wasn’t the juicy tale that his boss would be expecting.

The café maintained a steady stream of customers all day, most of them leaving with their purchases. Groups of people clustered at several tables, chattering quietly. It was a surprisingly pleasant atmosphere that even Levi’s natural scowling couldn’t disrupt. He didn’t mean to be such a dark cloud. Generally, if Levi was frowning then all was well in the world. That was just how his face worked. There was a noticeable difference between the raven’s resting face and his glare of doom. If you couldn’t tell the difference, there was every chance that you should have already started running.

There was a rare break in Levi’s usual frowning when he caught sight of a now-familiar group of adolescents approaching the café from across the street. The Twerps, as Levi referred to them. They must have finished up with classes for the day, as the café had become their routine study point. Wi-Fi and access to food and coffee were some favourable benefits. The snarky service was probably more of a con than a pro, but they couldn’t have everything.

The group trudged in, moaning and groaning about hellish professors and soul-sucking assignments. It was nothing unusual. That’s just how university was.

Eren seemed unusually demure, not contributing to the complaints or conversation. His shoulders were lax and slumped, eyes tired, and eyes oddly vacant like he might fall asleep standing up. Levi was startled by how…sorry he felt for the kid. Well Christ. Hello, emotions. Good to know you didn’t pack up and move out after all.

Levi kept his snark to the minimum as the students filed their way to the counter, making their orders without a fuss. They were learning, then. Good students.

Eren trailed at the back, yawning. He mumbled a request for hot chocolate and a single pastry. The limitations of trying to save money while simultaneously not starving. Eren handed over the right money, swaying on his feet. He was so tired he didn’t notice Levi spooning extra cocoa into his drink, nor the second pastry that was slipped onto a plate for him.

If it came out of Levi’s wages, then so be it. He could afford to be someone’s fairy fucking godmother rather than just a gremlin for once.

He may have also mooned after Eren a bit as the student stumbled blearily after his friends, purchases in hand, and all but fell into a chair to pass out. Sleepy and adorable.

Levi was fucked.

The afternoon wore on. Eren slept for a full thirty-five minutes before he leaned far enough sideways to slip and jerk awake with a confused mumble. His friends had let him sleep. The blonde one, Armin Levi recalled, had been kind enough to scribble some notes down into one of the brunet’s books. Even that Jean brat had kept his pranks focused on the noisy baldy and his apparently starving friend so that Eren could get a few minutes of precious sleep.

Levi tried not to eavesdrop when Eren started muttering, finally awake, but the raven couldn’t help it.

“I think the Dragon Lady messed up;” Eren observed, rubbing at one eye in an effort to rouse himself, “I only ordered…one…food thing? Armin, what’s this called again?”

Levi may have snorted a little louder than he’d meant to at the mention of his earned nickname. He found it quite appropriate.

 “It’s a chocolate scroll.” Armin supplied.

Ever the helpful one.

Eren blinked at the pastries in question, nodding. “Thank you. I’m too tired to be alive right now.”

Jean scoffed, reaching over to flick the brunet’s shoulder. “Shouldn’t have stayed up till three in the morning studying then, you dipshit.”

Still blinking, Eren just shook his head. “In-class test. Had to pass. Not important, where did this come from?” He pointed to the pastries again, like it wasn’t obvious what he was asking about.

Armin was still scribbling down notes in his book when he answered. “I think you’ve been adopted as the neighbourhood stray by Mary Poppins over there.” He jerked a thumb over one shoulder in the direction of the counter.

Eren almost looked offended. “I’m not sure that analogy works, Armin.”

“Trust me, it does.” The blonde replied without looking up.

Meanwhile Jean was busy choking back his laughter.

“Dude.” The ashbrown grinned. “You absolutely have a fan.”

The brunet sent his friend a lost glance. “Whatd’you mean, Jean?”

“Come on.” Jean held up one hand and began counting things off on his fingers. “You broke store equipment, day one, and didn’t die. You got free food today. And he literally snorted at your awful nickname for him a minute ago. Go marry the guy, he’s perfect for you.”

Realising Jean’s meaning, Eren scowled. “I’m not marrying Satan!” He hissed.

Jean only shrugged. “All I’m saying is Satan gave you free food today. Twice. That’s like your ideal man, right? Employed, laughs at your jokes, cooks for you…kind of?”

“Har har. You’re an asshole.”

“He has a point.”

Eren turned to Armin with a scandalised expression. “Armin, not you too. Do you really support Jean here trying to set me up with Satan incarnate?”

“Well you’ve both got rage-scowls that could make grown men shit themselves.” Armin said to his textbook, granting Eren a brief glance and a smug smile. “You’ll be adorable together.”

Snickers enveloped the table while Eren glowered at his notes which had mysteriously appeared in his book in Armin’s handwriting. Dammit. He couldn’t even be mad.

“Test run!” Jean leaned over to smack a hand against Eren’s shoulder “Jaeger, go see if you can land a date with Medusa.”

“I am not going to ask out the dormant serial killer.” Eren protested as Jean tried to shove him out of his seat and off to an early grave.

“I’ll take notes in all your lectures tomorrow if you do it.” Someone piped up from across the table.

Eren glared at Sasha now that she had joined in. “No you won’t.” He countered.

She wouldn’t. That would involve getting up early and not dozing off in class.

“True.” Sasha shrugged, admitting defeat.

“I’ll do it.” Armin volunteered.

Eren swivelled back to plead with his friend. “Armin no.”

“Armin yes.” Jean encouraged and Eren watched in silent betrayal as his two so-called friends exchanged an undeserved high-five.

“I hate you all.” He grumbled.

“Sure you do.”

 

Levi had to make quite an effort to keep his urge to smile in check as he watched Eren get up and waddle his way over. The brunet was frowning, but it was mostly confused. Poor kid. He had no idea what he was getting himself into.

Or maybe he had every idea, and that’s what his frown meant.

Whatever the case, Levi planned to have fun with it. He waited, raising an eyebrow as the young man finally came to a stop on the other side of the counter. Those worried eyes graced him with a glance for all of a second before returning promptly to the floor and Eren murmured out a quiet greeting.

“Hey, um…Levi.”

“Hey yourself, sleepyhead.” The raven greeted back, ever the picture of emotionlessness. “Have a nice nap?”

Eren flushed a little, clearly not having realised that he’d been caught snoozing the afternoon away in public.

“Not really.” He admitted, not bothering to try and deny that he’d been practically snoring away over there. “Your chairs gave me a neck cramp.”

Levi scoffed. “Is this a formal complaint? I’d have to go fishing for a notepad and pen if it is.”

“N-No.” Eren stammered out. “No complaints.”

“Going to go to bed early this time?”

“Y-Yeah.”

“Good to hear.” Levi let silence reign for a moment just to watch Eren squirm. “Did you come over here to make small talk or can I do something for you?”

Eren hummed his acknowledgement, nodded, but failed to come up with anything more to say.

Levi bit the inside of his cheek to hide a smirk. “The ‘lost and confused’ routine? It’s working for you, if you couldn’t tell?”

While watching the boy flounder was entertaining in and of itself, Levi was almost disappointed. Not that he had the time to be flirting or anything more than that, working the crazy hours that he did. But it was nice to distract himself with the thought.

In what could be called a merciful moment, Levi decided to save the brunet from himself.

“Hey, do you think I could make glasses work with this?” Levi gestured to himself vaguely.

Eren squinted at him for a long moment. “Why are you asking me these things?”

“I just like fucking with you.” Levi said, pausing. “And I’m taking a subtle public poll on whether or not wearing some frames would make shitty customers think I know what I’m talking about, because clearly listening to the bitter truth isn’t convincing enough for some people.”

Eren smirked at his hands and Levi took the opportunity to pull out a pair of glasses from under the counter, slipping them on.

“For real, though, do these work?” He asked, waiting for Eren to look up.

Eren did, and his smile fizzled out, leaving some kind of slack-jawed surprise in its place. They were just simple, red sunglasses…with little devil horns on the corners.

Levi raised his eyebrows, feigning that he was waiting for a reply. “That bad?” He slid the frames off, pretending to inspect them. “My boss got them for me. I said they were too over the top but some people just don’t listen, you know?”

Eren laughed somewhat forcibly, a little pale. Levi had to really, _really_ put in an effort not to laugh.

“They, uh…look great.” Eren said, apparently excusing himself with the sort-of compliment.

He practically floated back over to his friends.

Even that far away, Levi heard Eren’s first, toneless mumble to Jean.

“He knows.”

“Huh?” The ashbrown frowned. “Eren, what? Who knows?”

“ _He knows_.”

Levi decided, then and there, that he loved his new sunglasses.

He would need to remember to thank Hanji later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *nervous laughter*
> 
> Hi there...it's been...a while. But here I am! Amazing!
> 
> (I have like a week before my last two assignments for this session will need my attention so I'm blazing through writing projects and it's so good to be back even for a little while :D HELLOO!!)
> 
> This fic. Will be interesting. I plan to write it following the initial prompt (somewhat loosely if you couldn't tell) and then probably let it get more shippy and then finish it? But who knows how long that'll take, psht. If I get an organised plot document done for this fic, I'll let you guys know, along with my estimated chapter count.
> 
> Until then, have fun! And I'll...try not to abandon you guys for so long? I'm so sorry?? Forgive me?? D:
> 
> Kudos to you all, I'm so sorry DX


	6. Artistic Interpretation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Levi is having a good time. Eren is not having a good time.

Eren Jaeger could remember all the times he’d honestly feared for his life.

There was that one time where Jean had hidden inside the shower back at his mom’s old house and laid in wait only to burst out and scream when Eren had gone in to take a leak. There was the time Mikasa had gone thirty-one straight hours working on an assignment and threatened to kill anyone who so much as made a peep when she finally headed off to crash. And there was that one awful incident involving discovering a huntsman on his pillow at three in the morning.

But apart from those, all the other times Eren had feared for his life had taken place at a certain café that he still frequented.

Why? _Why_ did they still go there?

Oh, that’s right. It was because the universe had a nasty sense of humour and the best coffee in town just so happened to come at the price of a hellish barista. Of course the guy with the meanest face could also make a mean cup of cocoa. Fate had to have been cackling down upon them all right about then, enjoying every last moment of suffering it cast upon poor, human shoulders.

And yet…the gremlin known as _Levi_ had been suspiciously nice of late. Well…compared to his usual behaviour, Eren supposed that the new, calm Levi could be classified as ‘nice’.

Levi’s nice act was like watching a crocodile learn to smile to tempt its meals closer. _Look at me, I’m harmless._ Bullshit, Eren knew. The tiny man had a colossal temper. For whatever reason, though, he hadn’t gone off at Eren once in…actually Eren could even remember how long it had been since he’d last gotten chewed out by the barista.

Honestly, the whole thing was starting to freak Eren out more than his demon theory.

Maybe the shorty had started taking some yoga classes? Letting go of anger and all that jazz?

Maybe he was trying to lull them all into a false sense of security only to steal their souls when they least suspected it? Straight back to the grinning crocodile imagery…yeah, that seemed more plausible.

And then there was the _flirting_.

It had been labelled flirting, at least, by anyone who actually saw the interactions going down.

Eren’s friends called it ‘selective favouritism’ only they couldn’t think of a single reason why Eren Jaeger of all people would turn out to be the Dragon Lady’s favourite customer. The brunet was a walking disaster, almost always tired. He didn’t order anything extravagant or leave enormous tips, not that students could afford to anyway. And yet out of all the people to wander into the café, Eren was the one least likely to bring an even deeper scowl to Levi’s face. He was also the one that most of the raven’s twisted sense of humour was directed at, but Eren wasn’t exactly in a position to complain if it meant he got free food every time he whipped out the puppy dog eyes.

If he’d ever be brave enough to try that. Nope.

For now, just surviving his encounters with Levi aka _Satan_ was enough for Eren. He felt like he was about to spontaneously combust just by being around the glowering little man and if that didn’t make Levi Satan then Eren didn’t know what else to use as proof.

And then the art started.

It had been a real bastard of a day. Long lectures, professors that insisted students remain present for the entire allotted time period, and generally boring content that would no doubt appear in exams later. Then it had pissed down rain, meaning that Eren had to waste money on a cab or walk to the café and risk making himself sick. Sufficed to say, Eren Jaeger had not been having a good time.

He stomped in through the café door, only just remembering to check his feet for mud or anything else he might accidentally have tracked into the floor. No mud, thankfully. And he hadn’t trodden in any of the bigger puddles outside. Eren wiped his shoes against the mat just in case before proceeding. That little action itself earned him an actual nod of approval from the raven standing behind the counter when Eren glanced up. Naturally Levi had been watching like a hawk to make sure no one brought in anything nasty from the street.

Not that there was anything nastier than the human condition, but it was understandable. No doubt Levi would be the one who would have to clean up if the floor got wet or dirty, hence the welcome mat that had been laid out to dry feet and remove excess mud.

Eren had passed that first test of the day. Now he just had to survive the encounter itself, a little conversation with the surly staff, and maybe he’d live to see tomorrow.

Surely…surely there was a less stressful café they could go to? There had to be, right?

“You’re the last person I thought I’d get housetrained.” Levi admitted as Eren approached the counter.

Honest as always.

The brunet frowned. “I’m not a savage,” he muttered, then added, “and besides, I value my life.”

Eren noticed Levi’s mouth quirk up to one side, probably the closest thing to a smile that the raven would allow.

“Good for you.” Levi praised, lacking his usual snark. “I assume you’ll be having your usual?”

There he went again with the bizarrely polite service…it was so unlike him. And remembering Eren’s usual order? It shouldn’t have been surprising, Eren only ever really asked for hot chocolate and maybe some food, but the fact that Levi had gone to the effort of remembering was…weird. Well, weird for him. Levi dealt with hundreds of customers daily and he certainly didn’t bother trying to memorise everyone else’s preferences. All it took to know was a “and what can I get you today”. More often than not people would repeat themselves to this man a thousand and one times before they risked pissing him off. So why was Levi making an exception?

Something was up, either that or Eren really was going crazy like his friends liked to suggest. Eren squinted at the raven a little but the mask didn’t slip.

Levi was an extremely suspicious picture of innocence.

“Yeah…yes please.” Eren said finally, slow but sure to remember his manners.

He didn’t know what to do with this oddly civilised Levi, but he didn’t want to offend the man and land himself back on the raven’s shit list. Eren didn’t think much about the vague small talk that Levi sent his way. Levi worked in that same, precise manner that he always had. He was efficient when he wanted to be. Not a single insult was sent Eren’s way, in fact Levi even put forth the effort to ask about the brunet’s day.

What was more odd was that his interest didn’t seem feigned. It was beyond weird.

Eren glanced over his shoulder out the window to check if the rain had changed to cats and dogs. Nope, still water. So the world hadn’t gone completely batshit crazy yet. It was getting there, though. Eren began to entertain the idea of running straight out of the café and not stopping till he got home. At least things would make sense there.

This…whatever this alternate world he’d landed in…couldn’t be normal. In what universe did Levi go out of his way to be nice? His brutal honesty was half the raven’s charm and Eren felt extremely stupid because no one in their right mind should miss a sarcastic gremlin who pointed out their every mistake.

And yet there he was. Wondering when the real Levi would show his face around the café.

What he should have been wondering was why the mask of innocence was being used in the first place. If he’d been thinking about that, he might not have been so confused when Levi set down his order in front of him.

Just the usual – a hot chocolate. Exactly what he asked for every time he came in.

Only this time there was a little shape waiting for Eren in the froth of his drink. Levi rarely bothered to decorate the beverages here. Eren could remember the last time Levi had bothered to do anything artsy with a drink and it had been a personal (if deserved) fuck you to Eren himself.

First broken bells and now Eren was starting to hear alarm bells in his head.

At first Eren wasn’t even sure what to make of the little shape that had been etched into the top of his drink in cocoa. A curling line, ending in an arrowhead. What? He was halfway to asking, open-mouthed and calm, when understanding crept into his mind.

Eren could feel himself turning white when the pattern made sense.

“What the fuck is that?” The brunet heard himself say, though he sounded ninety percent more constipated than he had before.

“It’s hot chocolate, genius.” Came the dry reply. “If you wanted something else, you should have said so.”

Eren shook his head, eyes fixed on his cup.

“What’s _that?”_ He jabbed a finger at the frothed milk.

The brunet was vaguely aware of Levi leaning over the counter in an exaggerated effort to look puzzled. A lot of effort on the raven’s part for an act. It _had_ to be an act. No way was this another coincidence. Eren could imagine the frown, the raven taking more time than needed to squint at the pattern he’d created _on purpose_ less than a minute ago. Eren didn’t see any of that since he was staring adamantly at his drink, but his mind’s eye provided a pretty accurate mental image. Levi knew exactly what he’d fucking done, that bastard. Was this what the oh-so-innocent act had been about? To throw Eren off his creepy, definitely non-human scent?

“Oh that?” Levi said finally, leaning back casually. “Well most people call it _art_. I usually call it a waste of time and effort, but consider yourself lucky. I was feeling…creative. Don’t you like it?”

Eren felt his eye twitch.

One thing was certain; Satan was being a little bitch today.

“Why did you put a devil tail on my drink?” Eren asked, the clipped words pushed out with more effort than it should have taken.

Levi stared at him for a moment too long to count as comfortable.

“I have no idea what you mean.” He finally said, gesturing to the little image. “Clearly it’s an expressive triangle.”

Eren wasn’t sure that triangles were expressive but he sure had a few thoughts he’d have liked to express right about then. Mostly how he should have just gotten an Espresso and taken the _express_ route right out of the fucking café door and _never come back_.

Eren shook his head, unwilling to accept the excuse. “No. The base isn’t flat and there’s a swirly line coming out of it. Not a triangle.”

“A pot plant, then.” Levi said, and he wasn’t even trying to escape Eren’s suspicion at this point. “Honestly, Eren, you’re acting a bit…strange. It’s almost like you’re paranoid or something.”

It should have helped to hear that final tone, the obvious restraint Levi applied to his own amusement, but Eren didn’t feel any better knowing that yes, he was being mind-fucked. This was an intentional little ploy. All Eren could think was that this had to be the start of some awful plan…and if this was just the beginning of it then he’d probably be dead by the end of said plan.

Too late to run away now, though.

Eren pushed the correct money over the counter without so much as a word, collecting his drink and backing away. He half expected Levi to start grinning, or to sprout horns and breathe fire right then and there.

All the barista did was watch him go with that same look of nonchalance.

The brunet finally turned, walking in a bit of a daze towards the booth where only two of his friends waited today.

Eren all but slammed his drink down on the table in his fuzzy state of mild panic, startling Connie out of a power nap and nearly costing Sasha the pastry tower she’d been building out of chocolate scrolls. The brunette steadied the wobbling tower with a shriek of panic, letting go of a gusting sigh of relief when it held. Sasha frowned at Eren as he slid into the booth a little white-faced.

“What the hell, man?” Connie griped, sitting up with a page of textbook sticking to his face.

Eren just looked at him, shaking his head a little. “I think my time has come.” He announced, entirely serious, and cast a searching glance at the pristine ceiling. (How the fuck was the _ceiling_ clean? How did the shorty even _get_ _up there_ , oh man he was definitely Satan…) “This has to be a sign, the end of days or something. Maybe just the end of _my_ days?”

“What are you on about?” Sasha asked over the top of Eren’s rambling, already back to building her food tower.

Connie gave a snort. “I told you, man, you should’ve got coffee. Maybe then you’d wake up, doofus.”

The boy with the buzzcut reached over the table and slapped Eren on the shoulder good-naturedly, but his easy going grin faded when the brunet looked up at him, ashen-faced.

“Not tired.” Eren said, offering his friends a brittle smile. “Just afraid for my life.”

With one hand Eren pushed his cup across the table, seeing Connie peer at it. He had the gall to snort.

“Wow.” Connie’s grin was back full force. “You kind of walked right into this torment, you know that?”

“He’s out to get me.” Eren mumbled, staring into space as he tried to envision his own demise.

There were too many options, each as unpleasant as the next and all just as likely to happen.

“You’re the one who started calling him Satan.” Sasha commented, having leaned over to take a look at the cup in question. She, too, seemed thoroughly amused. “Ever think he might just catch on and run with it?”

Eren shot the brunette a dirty look. “No.”

Connie barked a laugh. “Have fun with that paranoia.”

Oh, he would be having something but fun was probably the wrong word for it. A heart attack…now that was more likely.

Eren contemplated that thought as he watched Connie doze off again and start drooling onto his notes.

Some big help his pals were going to be. If Levi turned out to be Hell’s CEO incarnate…Eren would be on his own.

 

In Eren’s fine opinion, things only got worse from there.

As far as he was concerned, Levi wasn’t even trying to be subtle anymore. The not-so-innocent beverage art went from simple things like demon tails to the most intricate (and terrifying) screaming skull with ram’s horns that the brunet had ever seen.

Eren could have sworn those eyeless sockets had stared into the very depths of his soul.

Even his friends were starting to take notice, although they thought it was funny rather than a sign of doomsday rapidly approaching.

“Alright, so what is it today?” Jean asked of an afternoon, leaning over to peer into Eren’s cup as the brunet sat down looking pale and traumatised, as usual.

There in the froth of Eren’s drink was a cartoonish grave’s headstone complete with a sarcastic R.I.P. and a vase of flowers off to one side.

The ashbrown let out a bark of laughter.

“Man, he really has it in for you, huh?” Jean grinned. “At least he didn’t straight up write your name on it.”

Eren gave a vaguely alarmed hum of acknowledgment, staring off into space.

“I must have done some serious shit in a past life…and this is the payback I get.” The brunet muttered to himself. “Terrorised weekly by a socially challenged, possible guardian of Hell motherfucker. Someone should go back and slap past me and tell him to get his shit together.”

“Someone should do that to present you.” Jean commented, propping his chin up on a hand to watch his friend ramble.

“You really think this is the time to be _funny_ , Jean?” Eren asked, sending a half-manic stare the ashbrown’s way. “You saw what he drew on my drink, that’s a fucking gravestone. I’m a goddamned dead man walking, Kirschtein. He’s going to kill me and reap my soul.”

“No, that’s what Levi does to regular customers.” Jean informed the panicky brunet with a smirk. “This is new and just a little bit fantastic.”

Of course the phenomenon of someone like Levi, who hated almost every person on the planet, actually taking a genuine interest in someone was not a spectacle one could witness just any day. Jean thought it was hilarious. What was even funnier was the way in which Levi was expressing said interest so far, namely by landing the ever-clueless Eren in the world of mind games.

“You wouldn’t think so if it was happening to you.” Eren grumbled, glaring at his steaming mug like it was the source of all his problems in life.

Jean agreed with him. “Hell no,” he admitted, smirking anyway, “but it’s happening to _you_ so of course it’s hilarious.”

Eren shot him a dirty look out of the corner of his eye. “Bastard. You’re going to be the one person who doesn’t cry at my funeral, aren’t you?”

“What do you mean the _one_ person?”

“Asshole.”

Jean snickered at his friend’s discomfort, thoroughly amused with all that had transpired in the last few minutes. Eren was only making it worse. The brunet was notorious for blowing up small situations and this was no different.

Levi barely had to try. More than half of the effort that went into freaking Eren out happened in the brunet’s own mind.

He really was his own worst enemy.

“Besides, there’s not going to be a funeral for fuck’s sake.” Jean rolled his eyes at a fretting Eren. He took the opportunity to stir his friend further. “A _wedding_ , now that I wouldn’t rule out. How do you think demons propose? Would they go all rings and bended knee or straight to first date murder sprees, do you think?”

The shit stirring had the desired effect. Eren puffed up in that indignant way of his, sputtering out nonsense in his fuming state.

“ _No one_ is proposing _shit_.” The brunet finally managed.

“Well then explain that guy mooning after you.” Jean jabbed a thumb back in the direction of the counter. “I’m telling you, Jaeger, he’s one move away from stomping over here and dragging you out on a date and you know what?” The ashbrown set a hand on Eren’s shoulder and looked at him solemnly. “It would do you a world of good.”

Eren slapped his hand away, looking betrayed.

“I can’t believe you.” He hissed. “Suggesting that I would even think of dating that terrorist?!”

The other boy wasn’t listening, or at least he was doing a damned good job of acting like it as he pondered his thoughts aloud.

“Christ, if this is just the pre-relationship foreplay then I sure pity you when the time comes for an actual first date. God help you, Eren.” Jean made to chuckle but paused when he noticed a presence near their table. “Whoops. I spoke too soon.”

Eren stiffened like he’d just felt a chill run through him.

The brunet turned a bleak expression on the man who had paused in gathering the cups left at a now-empty table nearby. Levi, stealthy as ever, was watching the pair of students with a raised eyebrow.

The raven shook his head at them.

“Every time I’m so much as within earshot of you knuckleheads all I hear is ‘God this’ and ‘Christ that’ and ‘duck and cover, the demons are coming, the end is nigh!’” He stared the two down. “You sure you morons aren’t in some sort of cult? If I see a single bullshit candle-lighting ritual going on in here I’ll slam dunk you both into the bins out back, you hear me?”

Wide-eyed and anxious, Eren just nodded dumbly until the raven had walked away with his armload of empty mugs.

The brunet turned back to Jean, white-faced and frantic. “I swear to God his eyes just glinted.”

The ashbrown didn’t look anywhere near as shaken by the confrontation. He scoffed at Eren’s statement.

“Eren, really?” Jean asked, raising an eyebrow at the other boy. “You don’t think you’re maybe just a little too worked up about all this?”

“He just admitted he doesn’t want any church hoodoo going on in here!” Eren hissed, ducking down in his seat like that might help his voice not to carry. “How is that _not_ proof that he doesn’t want this place cleansed? Because _he’s a fucking demon!”_

“Or maybe he’s just like everyone else who didn’t want a weird cult of creepy dudes potentially setting their establishment on fire?” Jean suggested.

Eren shook his head fervently. “I’m so fucked.”

Jean gave a shrug, not arguing with Eren on that point.

“Hey, you never know.” He started, smiling to himself. “Maybe it will be the good kind of fucked?”

Eren looked over at Jean with wide eyes.

“Jean.” He started calmly, but immediately lost that calm. “Satan _wants me dead_ and you’re making innuendos? Do you see why I hate you right now?”

“Oh I see it all the time. _All_ the time.” Jean admitted with an easy nod.

The brunet scowled at him. “Okay, you know I usually hate on you a little bit anyways but I’m going into hate overdrive right now.”

Jean only snickered, looking entirely too pleased with himself. He dusted his hands together as if he’d just accomplished some great feat, letting go of a dry little chuckle as he relaxed back into his seat.

“I’ll have to make a tally for that somewhere.” The ashbrown mentioned, staring up at the ceiling with a smirk and folding his hands behind his head. “I feel like I’ve achieved some new goal of messing up your day just a little bit at a time.” Jean aimed an amused glance in Eren’s direction. “You see, Jaeger? Hard work really does pay off.”

Eren just shook his head. “I am doomed. With friends like you, how have I not died already?”

“Remember this the next time you need someone to take notes for you, jackass.”

“ _The dead don’t take notes, Jean._ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Jean because he can be an asshole but he can loop around into that blunt honesty that we all need to hear and you can't hate him because _dang it_ , he's right.


	7. It's The Little Things

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dedicated to everyone who thought this work got abandoned.
> 
> Have some shenanigans, on the house.

 

A familiar face greeted Levi only ten minutes into his early shift, bringing in with them the icy morning wind.

Try as he might, though, Levi couldn’t find it in himself to get worked up about the biting draft that all but slapped him in the face as Moblit ushered himself into the café. The man was bundled in who knew how many jackets, red nosed and shivering. But he still sent a polite smile Levi’s way and waved as he made his way over.

“Good morning.” Moblit said, far too chipper for seven fifteen in the morning.

Levi gave him the once over. Hanji hadn’t shut up about how much of a model employee the guy was since she’d hired him, and all because Levi had steered his lost ass in the right direction. If it had been anyone else, the bragging might have actually gotten on Levi’s nerves. But it all came through Hanji. Moblit was far too modest for something like bragging. Levi didn’t take it personally. He knew he was a nightmare to work with, which was why he was always the only one on shift alone. And Levi couldn’t be angry at anyone who could walk into Hanji’s freakish plant store and decide to actually work there.

The fact that Moblit hadn’t been eaten by one of Hanji’s more exotic specimens spoke volumes about him. He had Levi’s respect, thought the raven would probably never tell him that out loud. He did have his bitter image to uphold, naturally.

Hopefully Moblit would just pick up on it through the fact that Levi didn’t give him shit anymore.

“Morning.” Levi managed after probably a little too long of a silence. He tried for vague conversation, not wanting to be completely standoffish. “You’re on the early shift now, too?”

Moblit didn’t appear thrown by Levi’s delayed greeting, nodding enthusiastically.

“I’m getting the full induction today.” He informed Levi eagerly, like it was some great achievement to be employed by that crazy boss of theirs. Like she hadn’t leapt at the chance to hire the first person who didn’t leave her shop screaming. “Miss Zoe said I might even get to close up shop this afternoon, if she thinks I can handle it.”

If Moblit wasn’t already scared far, far away from the store, then Levi had no doubt that the guy could handle it. Probably.

He’d know for sure when the afternoon came, by the sound of screams from next door. Or lack thereof.

Levi arched an eyebrow, giving an acknowledging nod. “Not bad, you’re moving up in the employee world.”

“Seems like it.”

They got caught up in a slightly awkward staring contest, which Levi promptly broke.

“Can I get you anything?” He asked, blinking. “I doubt you came in here just to make small talk with Satan.”

Surprisingly Moblit actually smiled at the reference. Clearly he’d been hearing all about Levi’s little prank through Hanji, who of course got all the juicy details at the end of the day. And really, what could Levi say about that? He had to gossip to someone.

“One double espresso and one decaf to go, please.” Moblit supplied.

So golden boy employee was doing the morning coffee run for Hanji? Well at least she wasn’t treating him entirely like an intern if Moblit really would be entrusted with closing up later.

“Well I know Hanji wouldn’t touch decaf.” Levi uttered as he moved to prepare the drinks, turning and squinting back at the brunet. “You’re one of those morning people, aren’t you?”

He said it with obvious distaste, but Moblit didn’t seem offended. He’d probably already been briefed on how to deal with Levi and his general unpleasantness by Hanji, and that was an on-the-job induction in and of itself.

Moblit shrugged. “Guess so? I’ve always been an early riser. Miracle of the sunrise and all that, and it’s better than wasting the day away sleeping.”

Levi gave a mental ‘ugh’ and resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Morning people were another monstrosity of nature that he was ill equipped to deal with. He prepared the order and accepted Moblit’s money, sending the man on his way with a mostly sincere “good luck”.

And that left him alone to plot his shenanigans for the day.

There was never a guarantee that Eren and co. would come into the café on any given day, but Levi liked to be prepared just in case. Heaven forbid that he should be without ammunition.

Today would be…interesting. If Eren was a no-show, then things would go on as normal. Mostly grumpy service, cleaning tables, and trying not to hear all the boring conversations that went on throughout the day. But if pretty boy did show up…Levi had a specific little surprise for him this time around.

And he was oh so interested in finding out how Eren would respond.

Of course there were lots of little things that Levi could use to poke the boy’s paranoia with from afar, but this would be the icing on the cake.

If Eren straight up passed out, Levi wouldn’t be surprised. He might be a little offended, but surprised? Pfft. If just saying “hello” could make Jaeger boy turn ghostly white, then this might just be the ticket to Eren actually fainting.

Damned twerp better show up.

But if not, there was always tomorrow. And Levi never did tire of messing with this particular student.

 

 

“I think this is a terrible idea. Seriously, Marco.”

Eren trotted along beside his freckled friend, fretting while the other boy seemed only enthusiastic.

“Come on, Eren. It’ll great.” Marco was still trying to convince Eren to calm down. “Just think, Levi’s always complaining about the long hours, and I’ve worked in a kitchen before so a café wouldn’t be too different. I’m sure I’ll adjust quickly.”

“That’s not what I mean.”

“Then what are you so worried about?” Marco asked, brows pulling together in genuine concern.

Eren opened his mouth to speak, only for Jean’s voice to answer for him.

“He’s worried his demonic boyfriend will eat your face and reap your soul.” The ashbrown snickered, slinging an arm over Eren’s shoulder to grin at him. “Honestly Eren, you know Levi only does that to humans. And Marco is clearly an _angel_.”

Eren glowered while Marco flushed, beaming at the compliment. The freckled boy seemed to think that Jean’s constant praise was completely innocent and friendly, mistaking it from the flirting it so blatantly was. Honestly, sometimes Marco could be really obtuse about these things.

Although according to Eren’s friends, Eren himself couldn’t exactly talk shit in the obtuse department.

There were only three of them heading to the café today. The others were busy with the intricacies of their own lives. Armin had excused himself with a string of grumbling about short papers that were essay length, Sasha had plans to buy food in bulk so that she could live off more than noodles for the next month and no doubt Connie would go with her. Mikasa wanted a quiet place to go over notes for some in-class test that had been sprung on her class with no warning.

That left Eren and Jean, and they were really only going along as backup.

Or more likely to watch the disaster that would no doubt occur.

The situation was not an abnormal one. In fact it was pretty ordinary in the grand scheme of things, but when it came to the café and certain individuals that worked there, nothing was ordinary.

Marco had gotten to thinking over the past weeks about the café and about his own lack of a job at that point in time. And somehow his brain had supplied him with what he called the perfect solution: he was going to waltz into the café and find out who to ask about getting hired. Hence Eren’s concern. But apparently Eren’s long speech about Satan and certain death hadn’t worked even a little bit in changing his mind because there they all were, heading for the café of doom.

Eren bit at the inside of his cheek, worrying.

He wouldn’t have gone along at all if Jean hadn’t personally dragged him halfway down the street before he’d given in. Apparently having the Dragon Lady’s favourite customer around would help subdue any disaster that may or may not happen. Something about Levi being less of an asshole when Eren was around.

Personally Eren didn’t believe a word of it, seeing as one hundred percent of Levi’s little pranks were directed at Eren when he was around. In Eren’s opinion, that didn’t count as Levi being ‘less of an asshole’.

None of that mattered, however, as the café was in sight and they were walking in the door all too soon.

The place was packed, already a sign that they’d probably come at a bad time. Raised voices only confirmed it.

Surprisingly most of the harping wasn’t coming from Levi, as the raven was busy darting back and forth at record speeds to complete everybody’s orders. Instead the noise was just coming from the café being packed for once. All things considered, Levi was doing exceptionally well at not being a dick to the sudden influx of customers that he had to deal with single-handedly. Suddenly Marco’s idea of taking some of the weight off of Levi’s shoulders made a hell of a lot more sense to Eren. The poor guy could use a break. Eren was quite impressed at how quick the little man could move when the situation called for it. Apparently even Levi could be professional. With his own personal brand of customer service thrown in, of course.

When Eren did manage to catch a glimpse of Levi’s face, the raven did not look to be in a good mood. Levi was busy with who knew how many orders, whilst also wrangling antsy customers.

Well, just one antsy customer that seemed to be making all the others anxious.

Eren and co. had arrived just in time to witness an entitled looking woman in a pretentious fur coat make her order and stand to the side. Only instead of remaining there and waiting for her order, she felt the need to keep asking about it.

Levi slid three cups over the counter towards a group of teenagers who must have been waiting beforehand. Before they could so much as finish paying, the stuffy lady had snatched up one of their cups.

“Is this a latte?” She demanded, waving the drink in Levi’s face like he couldn’t see perfectly well.

The raven squinted at her like she’d lost the plot, and really who could blame him?

“Says so on the lid, doesn’t it?” Levi answered, counting the money he’d been handed.

Apparently that answer wasn’t what Mrs. Centre Of The Universe had been looking for.

“But I ordered a flat white. Can’t you even remember my order, boy?”

“Maybe if you’d quit harping on for a minute and learn to read you’d notice that’s _their_ order.” Levi rolled his eyes.

Any retort was flown from the woman’s mind as one of the teenagers took their drink back from her, the group of them hurrying away as she hissed after them about respect.

Levi carried swiftly on with his business, but he didn’t look happy.

“Oooh boy.” Jean murmured under his breath.

Eren only nodded, eyes glued to the counter.

The harpy was distracted for now shouting after those kids, but she didn’t seem like the type to let things go.

For a minute or so things were…relatively smooth going. Levi worked through the several customers that had come before the lady, swatting her hands away from multiple cups that would no doubt earn him more stupid questions for not being her particular order.

By the fourth time, though, the raven had lost any semblance of patience he’d been holding onto.

“Lady, will you please calm your tits for one second?” Levi finally raised his voice. “If you hadn’t noticed, there are more people in this café than just you, so unless you want to make your own damned drink then pipe down and let me do my job. I. Am. Getting. To. You.”

“Ooooooh boy, here we go.” Jean repeated uneasily.

Even Marco looked unsettled, either that or he was pissed off. Eren was surprised to find that he couldn’t tell.

“How dare you! I’ve been waiting here for twenty minutes and you have the guff to talk that way to me? Why don’t _you_ pipe down and actually do your job instead of mouthing off, you delinquent, before I seek out your manager?”

Oh wow. This was generally when all things tended to go to shit.

Eren was one hundred percent sure that Levi was about to actually climb over the counter to strangle this woman. His face read murder. Eren was pretty sure there were flames in his eyes, though that might have been his imagination. Things were about to escalate, and it was only going to be downhill from there. Only as Levi opened his mouth to say something that would no doubt get him in trouble, Marco slid past his friends and trotted for the front counter.

“Hi, excuse me? Ma’am, please calm down.” He began, and his sudden appearance had Levi’s retort evaporating in surprise at someone coming to his rescue.

Most of the customers were busy trying not to pee their pants at the argument that had been going down. Not Marco though. He was still going.

“It’s been two minutes at most, can’t you see how busy it is in here?” Marco said, gesturing to the room in a wide sweep. “He’s doing his best, let’s just take a breath and let the man do his job.”

It was a polite intervention, but apparently manners didn’t speak to this woman.

Who would have guessed?

“Oh, excuse me.” She started, eyeing Marco with disdain and man, even Eren wanted to punch her right about then. “And I suppose you’re some hotshot agent? You know all about making coffee, do you?”

Now Levi looked pissed on a whole other level and it was weird seeing him get even remotely defensive about someone other than himself.

“No, ma’am,” Marco said without pause, “but I do know a good deal about being a decent person and right now you’re failing at it completely. Do us all a favour, stop screaming or take your harpy’s screeching elsewhere and let the rest of us get on with it.” He said and flashed a charming smile. “Sound fair?”

The previously noisy café had become quiet somewhere during the interaction and it was eerily quiet now. Jean was straight up gawking at Marco and Eren didn’t blame him for being shocked. None of them had seen Marco be even remotely impolite before. Even in the place of another person, it seemed strange to see him talking back to somebody like that. Even Levi looked a little baffled.

“How dare you…” the lady began, only further agitated when Marco sighed, “when did youngsters like you become so rude?”

“Probably around the same time that entitled people like you stopped working for a living and thought that you could get away with anything so long as you waved around enough of your husband’s money. But clearly you’re the expert on that, so what would I know.”

Jean’s choking splutter was deafening in the quiet. Eren elbowed him in the ribs.

There was a brief silence of about two seconds in which the lady turned a dark shade of red. It was a miracle she didn’t spontaneously combust right there on the spot. She then proceeded to scream unintelligible nonsense for about a minute straight while Marco just stood there, nodding and smiling as if the woman was making perfectly normal conversation. It was probably more that he knew he had won the argument and was basking in the glory of his victory.

“Dude,” Jean whispered, wiping tears of silent laughter from his eyes, “would clapping right now be entirely inappropriate?”

Eren elbowed him again, but he couldn’t disagree that the scenario was worthy of applause.

“Flat white.” Levi called suddenly, voice breaking through the screaming with surprising ease.

Just like that the shouting ceased.

The raven had completed the harpy’s drink while she and Marco had been throwing down and he slid the cup across the counter. It seemed loud in the silence.

For a moment Eren wished Levi would have thrown the drink over the stuffy lady and gotten some justice. But he played the bigger man, funnily enough, and after receiving the correct money he watched her leave with a smile on his face.

The door shut behind her and Levi turned his attention to Marco.

“Not bad, kid. Thanks.”

Marco beamed and offered a humble “you’re welcome” as he returned to his place in line.

Eren watched his friend return. Marco looked quite pleased, though he did raise an eyebrow at Eren’s slack-jawed expression. But Levi? Being grateful? Saying _thank you_? Out loud and on purpose? Hell must have frozen over.

It sure as hell was cold enough for that to have been true.

Things were much quieter after that and the line moved smoothly even with quite a few people present. By the time the trio reached the counter, Levi was still shaking his head and smirking.

“That shit was absolutely hilarious.” The raven said to Marco, actually smiling for once.

And damn it, Eren found himself staring.

Marco smiled back. “Happy to help. I know your suffering, man. Customer service can be a nightmare.”

“And a half.” Levi agreed. “You’re officially my hero.” The raven said only partly sarcastically, a hand placed over his heart and a smirk on his face. “And you brought entertainment, this day just gets better and better.”

Eren glowered a little. He hadn’t missed the way Levi looked at him as he’d said that last bit, and he wasn’t in any mood to be the day’s entertainment. Not in the way Levi probably meant.

“Relax, Jaeger. Geez.” Levi scoffed. “What can I get you kids?”

“Actually,” Marco started, “I came in to ask who I would need to talk to if I wanted to apply for a job here.”

For the second time that day, Levi looked utterly baffled.

“A job.” He repeated, then waved a finger around in gesture of the café. “Here?”

Marco nodded the affirmative. “I’ve got nothing on besides some afternoon classes at the moment, so I’d be pretty flexible about shifts.”

“And that little stunt back there is your informal application, is it? You must really be crazy.” Levi shook his head, but he nodded towards the door. “Boss is next door. Plant shop. Can’t miss it. Just…watch out for the fly traps.”

“Venus fly traps?” Marco asked, half-turned to go.

Levi nodded. “Don’t worry, you won’t be able to miss them either. Head straight to the back, don’t touch anything and you probably won’t get traumatised.” He shrugged when all three students stared at him in confusion. “It’s a weird plant shop. Good luck.”

Pondering the oddly solemn words, Marco headed out of the café and went next door. Eren and Jean waited anxiously, but when no screams were immediately heard they let go of relieved sighs.

“Are you two sticking around or do you want to move along?” Levi brought their focus back to him, raising an eyebrow. “There’s a line, you know?”

Jean was all for food and, after a brief and suspiciously hushed conversation with Levi, asked for a ridiculous amount of brownies. He headed for a booth, snickering, and left Eren to his own devices.

Stepping up to the counter, Eren nodded after Jean. “What the heck got him so giggly?”

“Maybe they’re giggles of joy over the wonders of dessert?” Levi offered unhelpfully.

Eren rolled his eyes. “He did seem keen on the brownies.”

“They’re a new recipe.” Levi said, nodding. “Devil’s Fudge. It’s been very popular, actually.”

Wow. Even the menu was a mind fuck. This was getting to all new levels of no thank you.

Eren didn’t know whether to groan at the new line of bullshit Levi was tossing his way or to ask further. Unfortunately, curiosity killed the cat in this case.

“Why is it called Devil’s Fudge?” He asked, begrudging.

Levi snorted, unable to hide his amusement at the incoming answer, and Eren just knew it was going to piss him off.

“Because,” Levi said, leaning a little ways over the counter, “it’s _sinfully_ good.”

Eren glared down at him. “You know you’re starting to take Jean’s spot of ‘person I’m most likely to punch’.”

Levi was back and out of reach frighteningly fast, though he looked a little thrilled at the challenge.

“Take a swing, I dare you. I’ll hand you back to your little pals inside out.”

Apparently Levi was the living embodiment of “zero to a hundred” because holy shit. That was definitely terror Eren was feeling. Cold like little needles jabbing along his spine.

Levi scoffed at him, like Eren’s owlish stare of fear and nothing but fear was completely unwarranted.

“See? Not so nice when it’s being said to you, is it? What was that saying? Don’t say to people what you wouldn’t want them to say to you? Better remember that one, huh?”

“Jesus.” Eren said, wide-eyed. “That rule doesn’t seem to apply to you.”

Levi shrugged. “You can say whatever you want to me. But if you’re going to try the old intimidation game just be prepared to get one-upped. Every time.”

Eren blinked at him, dazed. He shook his head and looked at the counter between them. “And my friends tell me you’re flirting. Joke’s on them, I guess.”

“Joke’s on you Jaeger. Don’t think you can spit out threats and get away with it. Talk shit to me and I’ll talk it right back. Threaten me, and guess what? It comes right back at you.” The raven sighed, reaching over and prodding Eren between the eyes. “Just think before you speak, moron. Now fuck off and eat your friend’s brownies. I’ve got work to do. Next.”

Eren stumbled off, rubbing at his brow where Levi had jabbed him. He flopped into the seat beside Jean’s with a grumble, muttering about stupid friends and mixed signals and possibly something about flirting being overrated.

“Oh man,” Jean snorted at the sight of him, talking around a mouthful of brownie, “I leave you alone for a minute and you nearly get your ass handed to you? Do better, my dude. Do better.”

“Close your mouth when you chew, geez.” Eren griped.

Gross ass friends giving him the wrong idea.

A loud noise scared the brunet out of his grumpy thoughts, even Jean almost joked on a brownie. They both turned, as most of the customers did, to witness the latest incident about to befall the café that afternoon.

A woman with wild hair and a frightening grin had burst into the store, trailing leaves and God knew what else. She didn’t seem to be concerned at all with the furious scowl building on Levi’s face the further into the café she came, pulling messy hair into a ponytail as she went and adjusting her glasses.

“Oh man. Murder at twelve o’clock.” Jean predicted, leaning back with his brownies to watch the impending shit show go down.

Not a single word was exchanged as the woman approached the counter, leaning against it with that same grin.

There was a brief staring contest but finally Levi sighed.

“What now, boss lady?” He asked.

Eren could have sworn he heard his own jaw hit the floor. So this was Levi’s employer? Instantly things about the café seemed to make sense. If this manic-looking person was in charge, then it was no wonder why Levi got away with things. They appeared to be close, seeing as this Hanji person actually tried to ruffle Levi’s hair and wasn’t immediately missing a limb for their efforts.

“Try it and I will end you.” Levi did say, glaring like he could melt the woman right out of existence.

It didn’t appear to be working.

“Ah-ha!” Hanji exclaimed, pointing a finger far too close to Levi’s face for his comfort. “But then you’d have to run the café and the garden out of respect for your dearly departed boss. Either way, I win.”

Levi’s glare grew for a moment, but he knew he’d lost that round.

“I hate you.”

“You hate the truth.” Hanji corrected with a smirk. “There’s a difference, my petite friend.”

“Maybe the that’s because the truth always sucks when it’s coming out of your mouth?” Levi suggested.

Hanji only laughed.

Yeah, there was no way that those two weren’t friends. No way would anyone survive Levi’s wrath if it wasn’t the case.

“Moblit’s closing up, I can take it from here if you want to head off.” Hanji informed the raven, already heading around out the back to grab an apron and at least give off a vague impression that they belonged in the café.

And that’s about where Eren stopped paying attention, as he almost jumped out of his skin when a hand landed on his shoulder.

It was only Marco.

“Dude, calm down.” Marco was laughing at him.

“Fucking…you can’t do that to me, man.” Eren wheezed. “I’m paranoid enough as it is.”

“So you agree you are paranoid?” Jean smirked, thankfully having swallowed this time.

“Good news.” Marco announced as he sat across the table from them, grinning from ear to ear. “I got the job.”

“Good for you, Marco!” Jean congratulated him. “You may get sacrificed by the Dragon Lady on day one, but good for you.”

Marco wrinkled his nose in amusement. “At least then Eren would have real proof of his Satan theory.” He turned to Eren. “I’m happy to die for your cause, comrade.”

Eren just stared. “Wow. I don’t even know who will be the worst influence on the other, Marco or Levi.”

“After that little stint, I’m willing to bet it’s Marco.” Jean snickered.

“Eren.”

Eren might have screamed a little girlishly at the sound of Levi saying his name directly behind him. He certainly earned a lot of looks from the various customers of the café. Clearing his throat did not regain any semblance of dignity and Eren turned in his seat, face on fire, to look at a surprised looking Levi.

Levi without his apron for once, looking surprisingly casual in a sweatshirt and jeans. Eren might have appreciated it more if his heart hadn’t been in the middle of attempting to climb out of his throat.

The brunet made a garbled sound of alarm in Levi’s direction, turning from startled white to flushed in an instant.

“Well excuse me, I didn’t realise I was that scary.” Levi said, sounding offended. “That’s a lie, I absolutely knew.” He added, before inclining his head in the direction of the door. “Come with me for a second?”

Eren blinked at him, taken off guard by the question. Levi didn’t usually leave Eren with things like options, he was more direct. Which was why Eren was a lot less surprised when Levi huffed and just grabbed his arm, all but hauling him out of his seat and towards the door while Eren stammered and yeah, maybe he prayed a little that he wasn’t about to be sacrificed.

Jean’s chuckled “good luck” didn’t help things much.

And then they were out the door and onto the freezing street. Levi didn’t take him far, just a little way past the door so they wouldn’t be blocking it should other pedestrians want to go inside.

“Sorry for spooking you back there. It’s mostly shits and giggles, but seriously don’t just go telling people you want to punch them. You never know who might punch you back.”

Eren nodded rapidly and far more times than was necessary. He just really didn’t want to die and agreeing with Levi seemed like a good way to avoid certain doom for now.

“I won’t keep you long, just wanted to give you something.” Levi said, and from a bag slung over his shoulder the raven pulled out a little notepad and a pen.

Eren watched with wide eyes as Levi wrote down a set of numbers before pulling the little page off the notepad and extending it towards Eren. He raised both eyebrows when all Eren did was stare.

“Go on, it won’t bite.” Levi said, and a tiny smile was trying to form on one side of his mouth.

Eren took the note. Stared at it for a long moment. Came up with nothing.

“What’s this?” He asked.

And immediately he felt really stupid, mostly because Levi was looking at him like he was really stupid.

Levi narrowed his eyes like he was particularly frustrated.

“Think about it, Eren.” He said, giving Eren a look that was equal parts exasperation and amusement. “Really think about what those digits might be and try not to have a heart attack when the answer finally beats its way through your thick skull.”

And for some reason that made Eren frown. Or he could be pouting again with all the luck he’d had recently.

“You know you could just give me a straight answer for once instead of being an asshole.” Eren muttered, and he really hoped he was frowning because a pout would just make him look like a sulky brat.

Surprisingly, Levi did give him a straight answer. “New perk of the job.” He said. “I’ve got a phone.”

Eren blinked. It wasn’t an answer that made any immediate sense to him.

Levi stared back at him. “Think about it.”

Oh. Oh _no_ , it couldn’t be, could it?

Eren blanched. “This isn’t…it’s not...?”

Apparently that was all Levi needed to hear to know that Eren had figured the whole puzzle out. He shook his head with a scoff, but didn’t seem that annoyed.

“Don’t go handing it out to your little cult.” Levi said in all seriousness. “I don’t need to be getting texts from the whole Scooby Gang.”

“U-U-Uh…no, I. Um.” Eren wasn’t sure if he’d gone pale again or blushed. It was too cold out to tell. “This is not a good idea, they’re gonna want to know what this is.”

Levi shrugged. “So tell them.”

“But y-you said-”

“Tell them what it _is_ , not the finer details.” Levi rolled his eyes, and now he looked annoyed. “Christ, just give me your phone. And the paper. Damn.”

Eren did, mostly because he had no idea what was going on. Levi snatched his phone away and the paper, scowling as he swiped open the lock screen and fiddled with something. He typed something out, then held the mobile up and seemed to take a photo? Eren didn’t question it. He was worried if he spoke and said something dumb Levi might actually punch him this time. The raven pocketed the scrap of paper and then handed Eren back his phone with a pointed look.

On the screen was a new saved contact. There was an image of Levi from a moment ago, staring up at the camera with an eyebrow raised. Great, now he could make Eren feel like a moron with that look without even being around.

“There.” Levi huffed. “Geez. Are you always this difficult?”

Eren shrugged.

“And put a password on your phone, for God’s sake.” Levi pleaded, rubbing at the bridge of his nose. “Do it now and make it something good because I swear I will ban you brats from the café for life if I get a dick pic from Jeany-boy. Spare me the trauma, please.”

And that was apparently that. Levi stuck around only long enough to make sure that Eren did add a password to his phone, then he left with a call of “make good choices” over his shoulder, leaving a very confused Eren behind. By the time Eren waddled back inside he was shivering from more than just the cold.

Eren sat down, blinking in a daze a few times before he registered that Jean was waving a hand in front of his face.

“Huh?” He asked.

“I said what the heck happened out there?” Jean leered closer, waggling his eyebrows. “Did you land a hot date?”

Eren blinked again and looked down at his hands, still clasped around his phone. “Not exactly.”

“Not exactly?” Jean repeated. “And that means?”

“What was the bit of paper for?” Asked Marco, who apparently had paid much closer attention to the scene outside.

“It was his number.” Eren replied a bit numbly.

The whole situation had been a bit surreal in all honesty. Eren was eighty percent sure he was in bed and dreaming right about then, but too many strange things had already occurred at the café that this was probably real.

He was so doomed.

“Oh my God.” Marco was looking at him like it was Christmas. “Eren Jaeger. Did Levi just give you his number?”

“Wait, wait,” Jean waved his hands, squinting in suspicion, “I thought the Dragon Lady didn’t have a phone?”

“He does now?” Eren offered, sliding down further in his seat. “I don’t think he’s fucking with me on this one. I wouldn’t know anyway, it could be his grandpa for all I know.”

“Wait.” Jean was still catching up. “You’re telling me that Levi put an honest to God phone number in your phone? Oh…oh dang. I take it back, you don’t need to do better. Apparently ‘hopeless and bumbling idiot’ pushes all the right buttons as far as Levi is concerned. Dude. How the hell?”

Eren wasn’t even stung by the comment, he just shrugged. He’d been doing that a lot today.

“I don’t know.” The brunet answered, staring at the table like it might have answers for him. It did not. “Don’t even want to talk about it.”

Jean disregarded that statement entirely. “With great power comes great responsibility to share that power, come on.”

Eren shook his head fiercely, feeling a lot more awake all of a sudden, and he held his phone in a death grip. “No. That’s the one path to certain death. He said so.”

Jean looked like he might press the issue further but Eren’s eyes got impossibly wider and the ashbrown relented.

“Alright, alright. Sheesh.” He waved Eren’s concern off. “Keep it secret, keep it safe. Gotcha.”

“Are you going to text him, then?” Marco asked innocently.

Eren looked at him like the boy was insane. “Why would I do that?”

Now it was Marco’s turn to look at Eren like he was a special kind of moron and honestly he’d been getting that look so much lately that maybe it was true.

“Eren. Come on.” Marco said kindly, like he was trying to explain something to a little kid. “A man just gave you his number. He doesn’t want you to share it with your friends, which means if he wants to hear from anyone then it’s you. So I repeat: are you going to text him?”

Eren swallowed audibly. “Would that be bad?”

Jean scoffed next to him. “Pretty sure he wants you to, dude.”

“Man up, Eren.” Marco said, even looking a little stern when Eren glanced across at him. “Just imagine if you gave someone your number and they never even bothered to say hi. Levi might be intense but the guy still has feelings.”

“Are you sure?” Eren asked.

He deserved the smack up the back of his head that Jean delivered.

“Don’t be a dick.” The ashbrown said, shoving Eren’s shoulder in what was probably meant to be encouragement but almost sent the brunet sprawling out of his seat. “Text him.”

“No dick pics.” Eren said, remembering after hearing Jean’s words.

Jean barked a laugh. “What?”

“That was rule number two.” Eren continued, on a kind of autopilot. “Well…he said no dick pics from you but I’m taking that as a general rule.”

The ashbrown rolled his eyes in response to that, “...okay, sure. Good rule.”

“Just go for it, Eren. What’s the worst that could happen?” Marco asked, then waved a hand to silence Eren’s attempt at supplying an answer. “Don’t answer that. Just do it.”

Eren looked to Jean for help but that was a stupid idea as the ashbrown was getting a kick out of the ridiculousness of the situation and refused to do anything but encourage the latest turn of events.

With a sigh, Eren looked at his phone.

“Here goes nothing. RIP me, guys, it was nice knowing you.”

 

**[Jaegerwafer]**

hey. hi.

**[Levi]**

I’m assuming this is you, Eren. Or did you forget that only you have a name to go with your messages?

**[Jaegerwafer]**

oh, yeah it’s me.

**[Jaegerwafer]**

it's eren I mean

**[Jaegerwafer]**

sorry

**[Levi]**

Something told me you’d be one of the lazy texters. Hello proof.

**[Jaegerwafer]**

rude. now ur making me want to be lazy out of spite

**[Levi]**

I will delete this number so help me.

**[Jaegerwafer]**

after all that effort?

**[Levi]**

Moron.

**[Jaegerwafer]**

coming from u ill take that as a compliment.

**[Levi]**

Of course you would.

 

Eren stared at his phone for a long moment before he pocketed it and looked up, not even surprised to find both his friends watching him like a hawk. Waiting for his reaction, clearly. The brunet took a deep breath.

“You guys, I think you’re right. I think he likes me.” Eren looked between the two, caught between a bizarre kind of flattery and panic. Or more likely a case of the butterflies. “What the hell do I do?”

Jean started laughing at him.

Marco was shaking his head and smiling. “Took you long enough.”

“No but seriously, help me. Jean stop laughing, you’re not helping. What _do I do_?”

“Let it happen, Eren.” Jean gasped around tears of laughter. “Just let it happen. Oh man. I love this freaking café, this is better than a sitcom.”

Marco nodded solemnly. “I ship it.” He said.

“You guys are the worst.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mwahaha.


	8. Decisions, Decisions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's that? A scheduled update? O_O Hell must have frozen over.

 

**[Brat]**

my friends think u like me?

**[Levi]**

And this is your subtle way of asking if they might be right?

**[Brat]**

yes?

**[Levi]**

What do you think, Eren?

**[Brat]**

i think ur the scariest person ive ever met

**[Levi]**

Moron. Even Satan has a heart.

**[Levi]**

Actually that could be a lie, I’m not all that knowledgeable about angel/demon anatomy.

**[Levi]**

Ask God, he’d know.

**[Brat]**

i don’t really believe in god

**[Levi]**

Interesting.

**[Levi]**

And yet you’re terrified of the devil? That makes a whole lot of sense.

**[Brat]**

Well ive seen no proof of god but you seem pretty demonic to me

**[Levi]**

Demonic bad as in I set things around me on fire? Or demonic good as in I’m sinfully attractive?

**[Levi]**

Hint: if you say both, I’ll be twice as flattered.

**[Brat]**

…

**[Brat]**

i really don’t know how to talk to you when you get like that

**[Levi]**

You were doing fine.

**[Levi]**

At the very least, I know what I’ll be going as for the café’s Halloween party.

**[Brat]**

wait u guys are throwing an actual halloween party?? really?

**[Levi]**

Yes we are. Mostly an advertising stunt, but a party nonetheless. It was Hanji’s idea, but now I have good incentive to go along.

**[Levi]**

This is an informal invitation, you coming?

**[Brat]**

um

**[Brat]**

i don’t know, i really dont want to be eaten

**[Levi]**

Come on, don’t make me dress up for nothing.

**[Levi]**

Can you guess what costume I have in mind?

**[Levi]**

Hint: it’s painfully obvious.

**[Brat]**

oh god please don’t

**[Brat]**

my heart cant take much more

**[Levi]**

Eren. If you think I’m going to pass up the opportunity to soundly fuck with you then you don’t know me at all.

**[Brat]**

im officially scared

**[Brat]**

seriously nightmares dont have shit on you

**[Levi]**

Flatterer.

**[Levi]**

Now buzz off for a while, I have work to do.

**[Brat]**

so mean

**[Brat]**

u were the one who wanted me to text you in the first place

**[Levi]**

Glad to see you finally caught on.

**[Levi]**

I was worried I wasn’t being obvious enough.

**[Levi]**

Note sarcasm.

**[Brat]**

har har leave me alone im dumb

**[Levi]**

That you are. But I still think you’re cute as a fucking button, so I guess that makes me hopeless.

 

For about two minutes Levi was able to get through his lines of customers without incident or interruption, until finally he felt his phone buzz. It made him jump. He’d gone without having a phone for so long that text alerts, while convenient, often scared the shit out of him unless he was expecting them.

Levi got through his last two customers, sending them on their way with minimal snark, and fished out his phone from his jeans. That in itself was a task and a half. Skinny jeans really were all fashion and no function. Levi knew he wouldn’t bother with them at all if he wasn’t purposefully trying to look as good as possible with minimal effort to hopefully make a certain twerp swoon.

Speaking of, Eren’s contact lit up his screen again. The message content was hidden, but it read that Levi had two messages from the brat now.

After his last comment, Levi wondered what Eren might have to say.

He tapped in his password and scanned over the new messages.

Levi’s eyebrows rose up.

 

**[Brat]**

Armin here, I think you broke Eren.

**[Brat]**

He stared at his phone for a good minute, turned into a human tomato, and then just started beating his head against the desk. Eren.exe has stopped working o_o

 

Levi almost laughed out loud, but really that might actually scare the stay-in customers more than his sudden smile would.

He wasn’t really planning to respond, but before he could pocket his phone it vibrated a final time.

 

**[Brat]**

P.S. I think he likes you, keep up the good work (thumbs up emoji)

 

Levi had to cover his mouth or else he might have downright grinned. It was good to know that he had Eren’s friends onside, even if most of them were still personally scared shitless of him and his near-permanent death glare.

Things were looking up for once.

 

 

Eren wasn’t sure if things had gotten better or even more confusing now that he could talk to Levi whenever the urge arose. On the one hand, texting Levi was probably a thousand percent less scary than talking to the man face to face. But on the other hand, Levi could be just as crafty via text as he was in person. Really, there wasn’t a whole lot of difference.

Either way Eren still felt like an idiot trying to talk to him, and yet Levi always responded.

Even if it was just to tell him to quit pestering and go study.

Yeah. Definitely more confusing.

Another thing that made even personal interactions with Levi confusing was the new and near-constant presence of Marco. He’d taken to his new job with that extreme level of enthusiasm that only Marco could pull off genuinely, and he hadn’t even managed to piss of Levi yet.

Having more than just Levi on shift was downright bizarre.

Only a couple of weeks working at the café and Marco could slip into as savage a tirade as Levi could, and it was entirely Levi’s influence. Talking back to asshole customers was second nature to Levi. He did it without even pausing to consider that there might be another option, because it was like his own personal form of justice. Most of the time it was hilarious to watch. There was the occasional scary bout of verbal jousting, but Levi never lost. The café was his turf and he seemed to have an endless supply of bitter truth to dish out to the snooty and entitled people who were most often the complaining ones.

But then there was Marco’s personal form of back-chatting justice. The same amount of savagery, but delivered with a polite tone and a chipper smile; those moments might have been even deadlier than Levi’s brand of sass.

“The fuck is a mocha crumble?” Levi asked the youth he was busy serving. “Marco, she’s giving me a headache. Save me.”

Levi’s sarcastic damsel in distress acts were becoming frequently more common, too. Marco just knew how to handle the young ones better, always ready to step up and take over when Levi was looking particularly frustrated.

“Hello, and how may I help you today?” Marco sidestepped in, leaving Levi to take over his less troubling customer.

The freckled barista listened calmly to the young lady’s order, shaking his head apologetically.

“I’m sorry, ma’am, but this isn’t Starbucks.” He said, only sounding half as sorry as he looked. “Kindly take your abomination of an order down the street and hassle someone who cares about salted caramel mocha crumbles.”

“It’s not a complicated order, you just-”

“Listen, ma’am, it sounds as delicious as it does confusing, but I’m afraid we just don’t make those here. Pretty sure I couldn’t make that drink with a magic wand to help me. And look, you just gave my colleague an aneurism just mentioning it. Look at that face.” Marco gestured to Levi, needing no further help than Levi’s sour expression as he counted the money that had just been handed to him. Marco turned back to his customer with an exaggerated look of sympathy. “That is not a happy face, why did you have to mention rival blends?” He gave a falsely apologetic sigh. “We can’t help you kill yourself with sugar today, ma’am, but good luck with that. Have a nice day.”

God forbid that Levi and Marco should ever take down a bitching customer together.

Hell might really freeze over.

Thankfully the two of them got on like a house on fire…which seemed absurd. Marco, aka a sunflower incarnate, should not have been able to get chummy with a dark thundercloud like Levi and yet there they were. Working away. Already in a familiar rhythm when they were put on shift together.

There had been one incident when both Marco and Levi had been in a bad mood. For entirely different reasons. Eren had figured they would end up screaming at each other, but no. The silence just kept getting more and more intense until finally someone had the awful idea to complain about the price of their drink and got a terrifying double death glare until he straight up left the café.

It had been a thing of legend.

At the same time, Eren had feared for his life.

But mostly, having Marco working at the café was a good thing. It gave Eren someone else to talk to, a friendly and familiar face.

It also meant that Levi was around a lot less, and he seemed surprisingly…chill. Less like a dormant murderer and more like a supremely frustrated human being. The raven seemed mostly amused at watching Marco give sass to rude customers, already assured that he wouldn’t get fired for it because if Levi hadn’t been fired yet then everyone had hope.

Sure Levi wouldn’t hold back if someone pissed him off, but he seemed a lot less cranky now that he wasn’t working all day, everyday.

Still, the calmness was back and it was weird.

Eren didn’t trust it. Not one bit.

Especially not since he and Marco seemed to be equally amused at Eren’s discomfort now every time he fumbled his way through interactions with Levi.

“What’s got you pouting?” Levi had asked, with genuine interest apparently.

Eren had taken up residence at one end of the counter, mostly so he could pester Marco for notes and help with his studies for their bogus creative writing class. The brunet had been busy frowning at his schedule, due dates scrawled messily in the margins of one page, and discovering that no matter how long he looked the dates didn’t change. Three assessments, back to back, over the course of two days. It was a spectacular kind of bullshit, and yet for the common university student that was just another inconvenience of life. Something to be frowned at but dealt with.

However Eren hadn’t realised that he’d been pouting at the due dates. He thought he’d been trying to glare them out of existence, but apparently that was wrong.

“Assignment deadlines.” He mumbled, not looking up. “They’re closing in like they want to eat me. And not in the fun way.”

Eren squinted, thrown by his own comment. Wow that had come out of nowhere.

“There’s a fun way?” Marco chimed in from further down the counter.

And really Eren had been expecting Levi to go somewhere with that comment, and he glared over at his friend for being the one to run with the innuendo.

“Not good at multitasking, are you?” Levi said instead, a much tamer route than expected.

Unless it was a sneaky comment in disguise. Really, Eren had no way of telling the two apart anymore after all the mind-fuckery.

“I can multitask.” Eren defended, though he wasn’t sure why he bothered.

“Oh yeah?” Levi gave him one of his once-over looks that made Eren want to squirm. “I might ask for a demonstration sometime.”

Geez, why did it have to sound so dirty when it was Levi saying those things? The fucker didn’t even have to try, Eren’s thoughts derailed themselves whenever he spoke.

“Well look at that.” Levi smirked at him. “You can stare and blush at the same time. And here I thought you were fibbing about multitasking.”

And of course Eren didn’t have a single thing to say. Nothing. Words were not his friend right then, his brain just offered emptiness until Levi chuckled and went to sort out something out in the back.

The moment the raven was gone, Eren thunked his head against the counter.

“Ow.”

It was a terrible move, but at least the pain dulled some of his embarrassment.

“That was painful to watch, my man.” Marco told Eren after a moment.

At least he’d waited until Levi had already disappeared.

Maybe Levi was escaping from the awkward ball of existence that was Eren? Probably. That seemed about right. After that last bit of conversation, in which Eren had failed miserably to ignore another bout of demon flirting, Levi no doubt had to go off somewhere to laugh about it.

Never in his life had Eren wanted to say “shut up, Marco” before. He didn’t say it then, but he’d wanted to.

“He’s a terrible influence on you.” Eren grumbled, picking at his sleeve.

In his periphery, he saw Marco shrug. “Maybe you should bite the bullet and let him be a terrible influence on _you_.” He said, raising his eyebrows when Eren looked up at him aghast. “Spare my soul, Eren. Give in to Satan. Date the Devil.”

Eren didn’t believe it.

“Not you _too?_ ” He whined, burying his head in his arms.

“I’m sorry, Eren.” Marco said, not sounding very sorry at all. “Employee solidarity and all that.”

Apparently everyone was in line to play matchmaker for him lately.

 

**[Jaegerwafer]**

potential dumb question incoming be warned

**[Jaegerwafer]**

so you know how you work in a café?

**[Levi]**

Why do I feel like this is going to be spectacularly stupid?

**[Jaegerwafer]**

humour me come on

**[Jaegerwafer]**

so you work in a café and sell coffee to everyone right?

**[Levi]**

Yes.

**[Jaegerwafer]**

how come ive never seen u drink any coffee before? like u sell it all the time but I have legitimately never seen you drink it…

**[Levi]**

Let’s just say it’s not my cup of tea.

**[Jaegerwafer]**

…

**[Jaegerwafer]**

why do i feel like that was a not very subtle hint?

**[Levi]**

Maybe you’re getting more observant?

**[Levi]**

Then again maybe it’s because I wasn’t trying for subtle because I’m nice.

**[Jaegerwafer]**

nice. good one.

 

Eren was not expecting to get smacked up the back of the head, though he probably deserved it a little for that last comment. He still wasn’t used to Levi’s cat-like ability to sneak up behind him in absolute silence. No wonder he was on edge.

Levi carried on past him, cloth and spray bottle in hand, apparently satisfied with his petty revenge thwack and determined to get some cleaning done while Marco manned the counter.

“I’m not even going to ask.” Marco said from behind the counter.

Eren just sighed.

 

 

Another day, another afternoon spent at the café. That seemed to be how a lot of afternoons were spent lately, not that Eren could complain apart from being terrorised by the staff. And that included Marco nowadays. The Bodt-Demon King combo was a terrifying thing to be caught between, and Eren knew that from personal experience.

“Why is Eren the only one who gets fancy stuff on his drinks?” Armin asked up ahead of Eren, breaking the brunet out of his thoughts.

Levi stared at Armin, brow raised. “If you want to waste your own time in making a request, that’s fine by me. What do you want?”

Armin seemed to think about it in earnest for a moment.

“Do you know what emojis are?” The blond asked finally.

Levi let go of a longsuffering sigh. “Unfortunately I do.”

And that was how Levi ended up crafting little cocoa emojis on the whole group’s drinks. When he got to Eren, the raven didn’t even bother asking what he wanted, already preparing a hot chocolate. Eren was tempted to ask for something completely different one of these days just to throw the little man off.

But of course Levi would run with it and Eren would be stuck with things he didn’t want and Levi would win anyway.

Goddammit. Playing Levi was a lose lose kind of game.

A steaming mug was pushed in front of him and Eren stared at the chosen emoji for his drink. The little devil-faced one, of course.

“Too obvious?” Levi asked when all Eren did was sigh.

“At least it’s not the poop emoji.” Eren relented and paid for his drink.

“That’s what Jean got.” Levi informed him with a wink and Eren had to admit that was funny.

“You should have done a horse.” He suggested.

Levi snorted at that. “Next time.”

Trudging over to the chosen table for that day, Eren squeezed himself into a spot between Armin and Jean. The whole gang had managed to gather today, some to study and others to hang out. Eren wriggled into a vaguely comfortable position and glanced over at Jean. Sure enough, there was the poop emoji. Jean was still glaring at his drink, apparently offended by the implication.

Eren snickered at him. “What’s wrong, Jean? Did he make you a shitty drink?”

“Eren, that pun was complete crap.” Armin chimed in, apparently perfectly able to follow along even with his head stuck in a textbook.

“You’re both comedic geniuses.” Jean deadpanned at him, finally taking a sip of his drink. “And no. It’s goddamned perfect, as usual. Little bastard got a bit cheeky with the art though, rude. And not at all accurate.”

Across the table, Connie snorted. “True, he could have just drawn an actual dick on there.” He got out between snickers. “Would have been you to a T.”

“Har har. What is this, pick on Jean day?”

“Sounds like a good idea.” Eren grinned.

“We could make that a national holiday.” Sasha agreed around a mouthful of God knows what.

“All of you can fuck right off. You’re the worst.” He turned to Mikasa. “You still like me, right?”

“I’m all for National Pick On Jean Day.” She said with a little smile, never looking away from the essay she was busy planning in neat little dot points. “If it’s all in good fun.”

Jean groaned. “You all suck. I bet Marco still likes me.” The ashbrown twisted, nearly elbowing Eren in the face in the limited room available as he turned around to call over the booth. “Marco!”

“Polo.” Levi answered.

“Ya-huh?” Marco said, glancing over from the espresso machine.

“You still like me, right?”

“Sure, sweety. Sure. You’re great.”

“Goddess incarnate!” Jean called back at him in compliment, grinning like an idiot as he blew the freckled barista an exaggerated kiss. “That’s why Marco’s my favourite.” He said, repeating the awkward turn to sit properly again.

He missed Marco pretending to catch the offered kiss, throwing it in Levi’s direction with a chuckle. Eren watched Levi swat almost viciously at the air like he could thwart the trajectory of an imaginary kiss with pure hatred and good aim.

Eren may have half-choked on a mouthful of hot chocolate because of the previous sight.

 

 

The whole motley crew was in today, even Marco although he was working. And chatting back and forth across the café to his boisterous friends. But Levi chose not to be mad about it. They were having a good time and it made the place look a lot more packed which was always good for business.

Levi had been halfway through wondering what had made Eren start choking on his drink when the café door swung open, delivering a cold breeze and a chipper Hanji into the shop. She sauntered on in without a care in the world.

Same old Hanji.

Levi sighed. “You could forewarn me that you’re coming over.” He suggested as she reached the counter, knowing already that it was a moot point.

After all, the crazed woman lived in the damned building. Who was he to keep her out?

And of course she continued right around behind the counter, waving as she went.

“But then it wouldn’t be a surprise.” Hanji cackled. “Don’t mind me, just need to grab a few things. Won’t be long.”

“Just don’t leave any of your specimens in here.” Levi griped after her, watching Hanji disappear though into the back to get to the stairs and head to the second storey. “I can handle plants up until the point where they can move and I don’t want to find seedlings in the paper cups again!”

“There are no stowaways this time, don’t worry. I checked before I came in.” Hanji’s muffled voice floated down from above.

“Sure you did.”

He listened to the woman rifling through things upstairs, about as subtle as a baby elephant with the way she stomped around up there. It went on for about five minutes before the café door opened again.

And for the second time that day, it was not a customer.

Levi raised a brow at the young man who burst in, looking frazzled and dishevelled. “Erwin, what gives? Are all of you coming in for a goddamned tea party today?”

Yet another employee of Hanji’s, Erwin worked at the gardens next door. He was probably the most capable of dealing with Hanji and her shenanigans, but he looked suitably alarmed just then.

“Is she in here?” Erwin asked, voice a little high with what was starting to sound like panic.

The ‘she’ in question couldn’t be anyone but Hanji.

Levi nodded, jerking his head in the direction of the kitchen. “Upstairs, why?”

Erwin swallowed. “Moblit’s…had a run-in with Daisy. It’s a little out of my ability to handle.”

Levi’s eyes narrowed in distaste. “That’s the big one, right?”

Erwin nodded.

There had been few times that Levi had dared to venture inside Madame Zoe’s Botanic Garden, but he remembered a few particularly nasty specimens. And the name Daisy rang awful bells.

“Not the one that digests stuff?” Levi asked, not particularly wanting to hear the answer.

“I wish I could say no.” Erwin managed. “It’s…we need her right away.”

And that was all Levi needed to hear.

“HANJI!” He hollered through the back. “Daisy got friendly again; your new guy is about to be lunch!”

For all her eccentricities, Hanji was remarkably quick to respond when the situation called for it. She came tearing down the stairs with a string of curses and “I leave for five minutes” before she was out the door, Erwin bolting after her. The two of them disappeared next door.

Levi pinched the bridge of his nose, listening to several loud shouts and crashes through the wall.

“They don’t pay me enough for this shit.”

The café had gotten terribly quiet and for once Levi didn’t even blame the customers for being spooked into silence. Maybe one of these days things would turn out normal?

Not very likely.

 

 

Eren remained suitably unsettled by the previous shouting incident up until Levi’s boss returned and informed everyone present that her colleague was fine. A bit shaken, but physically fine.

Apparently Daisy, whatever monstrosity it actually was, had a much harder time trying to digest a whole human than she did with the food Hanji usually distributed. The bespectacled woman assured Levi that there would be no lasting damage other than a probable wariness of big-ass plants. And finally, with the news that no one had died, customers attempted to return to whatever semblance of normalcy there had been before the incident.

“Well.” Jean blinked, letting go of a big sigh. “That was intense for a second there.”

“You can say that again.” Armin agreed, looking equal parts concerned and curious at what plant might have caused so much trouble. “I’m going to go find out more.” He announced.

The little blond promptly climbed his way over several laps, leaving an elbowed Eren and a partially-winded Jean in his wake as he scrambled free. Mikasa seemed to be the only one who escaped copping an arm to the face.

Eren wondered briefly if curiosity would kill the cat in Armin’s case. But no, he seemed perfectly fine striking up a conversation with the slightly manic owner of the café and within moments the two were chatting away. About what? Who knew? Eren didn’t think he really wanted to know, either. He already had enough on his plate with the potential of his local coffee shop harbouring demons disguised as baristas. Evil plants? Now that was a whole other level of crazy that Eren was keen to avoid.

Just what kind of insanity went on next door if something like today wasn’t even that big of a deal to the employees here? Really Marco had been the only one to look remotely startled. But Levi? Nope. Apparently foliage graduating from sunning itself to attempted manslaughter was just another inconvenience.

Eren knew he would never have the guts to even ask about what had just happened.

Not that that mattered, since Armin was already scuttling back. Apparently he was done scavenging for answers and hopefully he’d be able to explain just what in the ever-loving hell had happened.

“You guys are not going to believe this.” Armin announced even as he was painstakingly crawling his way back over his friends’ laps to get to his spot. “So I was talking to Miss Zoe, the owner, about the whole demon spawn plant-oh, sorry, Eren. Don’t get triggered.”

“Har har.” Eren rolled his eyes at the snickering that went round the table. Even Mikasa smirked a little. “Is this about the holy shit plant?”

“Huh? Oh, no. Apparently that was all a misunderstanding and they forgot to feed the thing, so it kind of tried to feed itself. With one of the store employees. But they’re fine now.” Armin waved the issue away. “Anyway, we got to talking about plants, but somewhere along the line we got to talking about Levi and…I know his last name.”

Eren blinked at the blond. “That’s really what you consider to be the more important issue right now? Some guy’s last name? Not the near-death experience that happened next door?”

“Don’t be such a drama queen.”

“How the heck does a conversation go from plants to gremlin surnames?” Mikasa asked.

Jean waved her question away. “Who cares, tell us! Spill your secrets, Armin.”

“We’ve gotta know!” Connie chimed in.

Armin leaned a little way over the table, looking around at everyone for dramatic effect.

“Levi Ackerman.” He said finally, seeming quite proud of his new discovery. “Voila. Now we have an actual name, not just Dragon Lady or Satan.”

“Levi Ackerman?” Connie squinted. “Dammit, that actually sounds really badass.”

“Damn.” Jean couldn’t help but agree. “I was hoping it would be something like Lucifer. That would have been hilarious.”

“Levi Lucifer?” Sasha tried out the name, frowning almost immediately. “Nah, that doesn’t really work.”

“Ackerman is way more badass.” Connie agreed.

“No, no, guys. Wait. There’s a cure for that.” Armin began.

“A cure for badass names?” Eren sounded dubious even to his own ears.

“Pfft.” Jean was all for it, leaning back in his seat to wait. “Go on then.”

“Levi ‘Elizabeth’ Ackerman.”

Jean choked on air. “You’re shitting me.”

“Oh, I don’t know what his real middle name is,” Armin shrugged, “I just picked a granny-sounding name. But can you imagine?”

“Levi Elizabeth Ackerman.” Connie repeated, breaking down into giggles. “Oh God that’s priceless.”

“Levi Beatrice Ackerman.” Sasha offered.

“Levi Theresa Ackerman.” Jean shook his head. “Yup, that’s pretty priceless. This might be the most beautiful thing that’s happened all week.”

Eren rolled his eyes. “Why are you guys so obsessed with this?”

Jean’s head lolled over to send him a mocking glance. “Are you really one to be judging people over obsessions, Jaeger?”

“I think it’d be something like Connor.” Sasha was saying, actually trying to think of a middle name that would suit Levi now. “Or Alexander?”

“Levi Alexander Ackerman…yeah, maybe.” Connie nodded. “Doesn’t sound terrible.”

Eren gave up on trying to stop them, sliding down in his seat. Hopefully if he hid well enough, Levi wouldn’t kick his ass along with the rest of them if he heard the bullshit that was going on.

The suggestions only got worse. Or better, depending on individual opinion.

“Levi ‘dat ass’ Ackerman.”

“Levi ‘colder than Everest’ Ackerman.”

“Levi Acker-dayum!” Connie almost shouted, earning a couple of looks from nearby tables.

Eren almost snorted his mouthful of drink right out his nose at that last one, barely managing to swallow. He was still coughing, eyes watering, as he checked the counter to see if Levi had caught wind of that one. But no, it was just Marco there taking orders. Levi was nowhere to be seen.

Probably out the back again.

Hopefully not sharpening knives with which to end them all.

“Okay,” Jean said, nodding, as he recovered from his own laughing fit, “even I’ll admit that was pretty good, Con. But I have the perfect one in the bag. The winner. The be-all-end-all.”

“Lay it on me.” Connie said, leaning over the table and looking far too invested in the game.

“Levi Acker-BAM and the dirt is gone!”

It was lame and awesome and everything Eren had ever needed to hear in life.

Armin stared at Jean, mouth open in awe. “Oh my God.”

“I know, right?” The ashbrown grinned.

Even Eren couldn’t help but snort at that one. It had been fitting.

“Oh my God!” Connie shouted belatedly, staring straight at Jean.

The ashbrown frowned. “Geez, calm down, Springer. It wasn’t that good” Jean paused, squinting at the boy who had apparently frozen, “…Connie? Dude?”

The entire table of students turned to follow Connie’s gaze, and the group jumped as a whole when they spotted it.

Scratch that, Connie hadn’t been staring at Jean, he’d been staring straight _through_ Jean at something standing quite still and absolutely within hearing range.

Levi stood by one of the windows near their booth, a cloth in one hand and a spray bottle of Dettol in the other. He wasn’t cleaning, however. Not anymore. The raven was looking right at the gathering of students and his narrowed gaze could have meant anything. No one could really tell anymore. The man had like a thousand different scowls.

Oh shit.

“Could you brats be any more suspicious?” Levi said when all the others did was stare at him like rabbits caught in the headlights. “Seriously, do I need to kick you out or does someone care to explain all the whispering and mentions of my name? This had better not be a prank.”

“Uh…” Jean gave a nervous chuckle, “what’s your middle name?”

Levi blinked at them.

He turned on his heel and walked away, muttering something inaudible under his breath.

Somehow chaos and impending doom had been averted.

For now.

The group let go of a collective sigh of relief.

“I vote we call him The Grinch.” Mikasa grumbled, sliding down into her seat to further bury herself in the layers of her several coats.

Eren lost sight of her eyes beneath the fluffy red of her scarf. He could still hear her muttering though.

“The Grudge.”

“He Who Holds Grudges.” Connie chimed in.

“I vote we call him Levi and leave him alone before he really does dropkick one of us out of a window.” Eren said.

And that seemed to be the end of that conversation.

 

 

**[Jaegerwafer]**

sorry about today

**[Jaegerwafer]**

with the names and the whispering, we were just being stupid.

**[Jaegerwafer]**

r u mad?

**[Levi]**

No. That would imply that I gave a crap.

**[Jaegerwafer]**

did u hear much of it??

**[Levi]**

The Acker-dayum one was my favourite.

**[Levi]**

Glad to know you twerps think I’m a badass.

**[Jaegerwafer]**

i mean we thought that before but now u know i guess

**[Jaegerwafer]**

so…ur not going to kill us then, right?

**[Levi]**

Yes, I’m going to murder you all for trying to guess my middle name. How dare you.

**[Levi]**

Morons, the lot of you.

**[Jaegerwafer]**

:( no im too young to die tho

**[Levi]**

I suppose I could spare you.

**[Levi]**

Just this once, though.

**[Jaegerwafer]**

:)

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I officially only have one more chapter written and ready for posting, and that's going up in a week from now. But after that it'll probably take 2 weeks to get the 3rd update out cos I have assessment deadlines rapidly approaching DX 
> 
> In good news, though, at least Eren is less terrified of the Acker-flirting at least a tiny bit XD


	9. Trick Or Treat pt1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is brought to you by [this piece of art](http://ageha-sakura.tumblr.com/post/145546878357/au-au-5) by its-captain-senpai who had thus left for better and brighter things, but without whom I wouldn't have gotten into this fic in the first place.
> 
> And also there's an homage to the piece in this chapter, so there's that. Check it out, it'll make sense X'D

 

**[Levi]**

Just a heads up, but don’t panic.

**[Jaegerwafer]**

how is a creepy message like that supposed to help me not start panicking?

**[Jaegerwafer]**

what have u done?

**[Levi]**

It’s just a friendly warning ahead of time.

**[Levi]**

If you make it to the café today, you’ll find out.

**[Jaegerwafer]**

(crying emoji)

**[Jaegerwafer]**

why r u doing this?

**[Jaegerwafer]**

all i ever wanted was to drink cocoa in peace

**[Levi]**

Maybe all I ever wanted was to terrorise vandalising brats? Ever think about that?

**[Jaegerwafer]**

that was an accident

**[Jaegerwafer]**

and it was one time! give me a break, im too young to be dying of heart attacks

**[Levi]**

Shh I have customers.

**[Jaegerwafer]**

YOU TEXTED ME!

 

 

In all seriousness, Eren honestly considered not going to the café that day.

He was caught in a maddeningly confusion flurry of desires. Eren wanted to go to the café to study and see his friends who would definitely be there. He wanted to see Levi almost as much as he didn’t want to see Levi. Though that last worry was mostly fear of various unknowns. Eren never knew what the raven was going to throw at him next and frankly it was exhausting.

And yet his stupid ass trudged up to the café, lugging a weighty textbook and the vague determination to honestly study for once.

Walking in the door, Eren agreed that Levi’s initial text made a lot more sense with context.

God that man was mean.

It was official. Levi Ackerman had too much time on his hands.

In the week leading up to Halloween, Eren had already predicted that he would be more anxious than usual. That had been because he was worrying about the impending Halloween party and all the potential horrors that could await him there. He’d been so caught up thinking about that that he hadn’t for a second thought to expect shenanigans throughout the week.

Until he and Armin arrived at the café that afternoon.

The place was decked out with pumpkin and skull props, all of it for advertising of course. That was fair enough. But it was what was waiting inside the café and behind the counter that really stunned Eren’s brain into a confused puddle.

Levi in regular clothes was scary enough. But Levi in costume?

God help everyone.

Thankfully the little black devil horns Levi sported were very obviously cheap and fake, just foam shapes swathed in shiny fabric, attached to his head. Eren blinked rapidly, looking for a headband or piece of elastic for the horns to be attached to. Something to make them seem as fake as possible, because even this was spooky enough given his usual levels of paranoia. There was no headband to be seen and Eren wondered briefly past his panic how the little shapes were staying stuck to Levi’s head? Probably with some sort of clip, he reasoned. Or hell magic, who knew? And to top it all off, a springy devil’s tail protruded from somewhere low on Levi’s back. The over-the-top falsity of it all was probably the only reason Eren didn’t spontaneously start having a heart attack.

But it was a near thing.

Eren glowered as he thought back on Levi’s little message of warning.

_Don’t panic._ Yeah right, thanks a lot.

He was just blatantly, openly fucking with Eren at every turn by now. Without even a speck of remorse. Absolute bastard.

Levi’s nails, while also fake today, were filed into dulled points. Like little claws. Levi was drumming said claw-like fingernails against the counter as he listened to some overly complicated order from a group of businessmen. They seemed eager to get out of the place, but that might have had something to do with Levi’s stony glare.

Armin gave a contemplative hum, eyeing Levi’s getup. “Is it bad that he’s pulling that off so well?”

“Yes.” Eren said. “Yes it is bad, because you know who would pull off a good demon costume?”

“Eren I swear to God-”

“ _An actual demon_.”

“Can we go back to the part where you said that was supposed to be a good demon costume? It’s obviously meant to be awful, that’s the point. He knows this is going to fuck with you and you’re only proving him right by getting worked up.”

Eren, however, wasn’t listening. “I was willing to let it go but he’s just shoving the idea in my face by this point. What am I supposed to do?”

“Ask him out?”

“Armin!” Eren hissed.

“Think about it, if you asked him now you’d be literally chasing tail.”

“Armin…”

“Get it? Because he has a-”

“Well if it isn’t some of my favourite youngsters.” Levi called, making the pair realise that the line had moved on without them and they were the only two remaining who still needed to be served. “And trust me when I say that’s not a sentence I say often.”

“You’re looking positively despicable, Levi.” Armin said it like it was the highest compliment.

And that’s exactly how Levi took it.

“How sweet of you to notice.” The raven replied, giving Armin the once over. “You’re looking…less sleep-deprived than usual.”

“The results of actually sleeping.” Armin pretended to brag.

Levi nodded along. “Good for you.”

Eren held onto his textbook like it would personally save him from the pits of Hell while Armin made his order, asking for several espressos…all of which the blonde would be drinking himself. The little maniac.

Armin scuttled off merrily to find a table, somehow balancing his three or so cups of coffee with minimal effort.

And that left just Eren.

Levi eyed the brunet like he was the next best thing since chocolate.

Eren swallowed.

“Wow, Eren. You look paranoid most days but boy is it off the charts right now. Whatever could have set you off I wonder?” Levi said it so casually that Eren really wanted to hate him for it.

He kept his mouth shut, mostly because he didn’t want to piss of Levi and get a hot drink thrown in his face for being a shit. Instead of rising to the bait, he made his order. The words actually left his mouth for once instead of Levi just assuming and preparing it ahead of time.

Only Levi took his sweet time preparing Eren’s order and the brunet just knew that he was about to be fucked with. He waited impatiently, arms crossed.

Finally Levi was done, sliding the finished drink over the counter.

“Got a special something for you today.” Levi said with a tiny smile. “Look familiar?”

The special something was another spontaneous bout of beverage art. Eren sighed, already dreading what he might see, and leaned over to peer into the cup that Levi pushed his way.

As a matter of fact the design did look familiar, though only because Eren had put far too much pointless research into his demon theory. He recognised the symbol etched into the foam of his drink and went a little pale.

“Is that Baphomet?” Eren asked, voice sounding faraway to his own ears.

Apparently Levi did his share of research too. Not that there was anything directly satanic about this design, but it was still enough to bring Eren’s paranoia right back to the forefront of his mind.

And he’d just started to think that maybe Levi could be nice.

Eren certainly did not stomp petulantly off to the table Armin had taken up residence in. He absolutely did sulk in his chair for a good ten minutes, though, glaring at Google search results for the history of Baphomet to refresh his memory.

It turned out to be a terrible idea.

Eren froze a good way through one particular article, spotting a name. The universe had to be having a good old cackle at him right about then. He’d stared at his phone for so long that Armin actually noticed his alarmed expression and sighed.

“Oh God, what have you found now?”

Eren looked up with some effort, swallowing. “His name is in this article.” He said in a small voice.

Armin frowned. “Huh?”

Eren shoved his phone in Armin’s face as panic began to rise. “His name, _Levi’s_ name, is in this fucking Wikipedia article about Baphomet. Just look at this shit! This is a whole new level of mind fuck. I am going to die.”

Armin had the gall to laugh at him. “Eren. It says Eliphas Lévi, not Levi Ackerman. Calm down. It’s just a hilarious coincidence.”

“ _Maybe that’s what he wants me to think_?”

Armin just shook his head at his friend. “Levi’s right. You’re an actual moron at times.”

“Who’s a moron?” Jean’s voice made Eren jump, but he was feeling pretty on edge so that wasn’t unusual. The ashbrown snorted a second later. “Wait, dumb question. It’s obviously Eren, so I’ll rephrase. Why is Eren being a moron _this time_?”

“He saw the name ‘Levi’ in an online article about demons and naturally…” Armin trailed off, trusting Jean to make the subsequent connections.

And that he did.

Jean cackled. “Priceless.”

Eren sat up a little straighter, glaring daggers at Jean as he flopped into a chair and grinned at the brunet.

“You know I’m sure friends are supposed to be nicer than this.” Eren muttered sourly.

Jean scoffed. “You got screwed over then, clearly. I can’t believe you actually did research. _You_. If you can put the same amount of dedication into your assignments as you put into your bogus Satan theories, you might actually get more than passes.”

“You suck.”

“Hearing the truth always sucks,” Jean said, placing a hand over his chest and looking dramatically at the ceiling, “but someone has to say it.”

“Eren-”

Even hearing Levi’s voice so close to him after the incidents of the past few minutes had Eren jumping about a foot in the air. An actual scream left his throat, brief but loud. He turned fast enough to give himself whiplash, wide-eyed and frantic.

Words left him in a panicked babble. “Yes? What? What do you _want_ from me? What?”

Levi looked like he might start laughing at him any second, which was ironic because Eren felt like he might burst into tears at any moment. Really, both of them were one shenanigan away from some kind of outburst.

“You forgot your drink.” Levi just shook his head as he set the cup down on the table in front of Eren’s seat. “Jesus.”

Jean was barely holding back his snickering. He at least had the decency to wait until Levi had returned to the counter before he leaned over to poke at Eren’s shoulder.

“Oh my God. Dude, you look like you might actually cry.”

Eren slid down low in his seat, whimpering. “I cannot deal with this place.”

Jean only grinned at him. “You know it’s your own fault that this is happening? Literally all of it?”

“How is it my fault that they employ _terrorists_ here?” Eren grumbled.

“If you’d just be rational,” Armin sighed, “then this wouldn’t be such an ordeal. But you’re really letting it get to you.”

“And thank God for that, too.” Jean laughed. “The shit that goes on with you two…it’s better than a sitcom.”

 

 

After that point Eren was wary to go anywhere near the café, but of course that didn’t stop his friends from dragging him into the place. They went every afternoon that week. Apparently Levi’s little game of dress-up was too good to miss.

Or maybe Eren’s reactions to Levi’s little game of dress-up was what was really making them all insist on going.

Eren had his suspicions.

Day two had been the least worrying of all the costumes, though arguably the most ironic.

An angel. Complete with fluffy clip-on wings and a little tiara with a halo attached.

“It lights up.” Levi informed the students when they asked, delivering the reply completely deadpan, and made the damned thing glow.

Eren scowled. He still took a photo. For evidence. Or blackmail.

Or maybe if he was honest with himself he was just going to stare at it later and wonder how any one person could be so confusing.

Seeing Levi in all white was downright weird. He tended to favour the darker colours, a lot of blacks and greys, sometimes navy or dark green. Who would have even guessed that the man owned enough white garments to make up a whole outfit? Eren actually had to squint a bit when he looked at Levi today.

“What’s with that face, Jaeger?” Levi smirked at him when Eren came over for a refill. The raven pivoted to give Eren an all-angles view of his handiwork. “Too much to take in?”

The longer that Eren actually looked at the shirt Levi was wearing, the more certain he was that it was some kind of modified corset. There was no way in Hell that he was brave enough to call the raven out on it, though.

“Did you own all that clothing beforehand or was this an impulse purchase?” Eren asked instead after a long moment.

Levi raised an eyebrow at him. “Ho-hoh? Don’t tell me you’re catching on? After all this time?”

Eren watched Levi bite back a grin. It was bizarre how much enjoyment Levi got out of messing with him. Stranger still was the fact that, when Eren got to actually see Levi smiling and having his fun, he didn’t even mind so much. Eren was sure he’d be traumatised by the end of the week.

But it might even be worth it.

Maybe. If he didn’t actually have a heart attack.

Eren sipped on the new hot chocolate that was set in front of him, mercifully without any art. He eyed the stools briefly.

“Going to ditch your study buddies for a chat with the devil?” Levi asked cheekily, clearly having interpreted the reason for Eren’s loitering.

As much as Eren complained about being terrified of the little man, Eren himself was awful at leaving things the fuck alone.

“Just keeping an eye on you. Surveillance and all.”

“Making sure I don’t reap the souls of unsuspecting customers, are you?” Levi teased, leaning an elbow against the counter. “Or maybe you’re really here to propose?”

That last bit came out of nowhere and Eren almost choked.

“You picked the right day,” Levi was nodding, carrying on to hide his amusement, “in this outfit I could do the ceremony myself.”

Eren, still recovering from his near-choking, blinked watery eyes at Levi.

For whatever reason, instead of outright denying the suggestion, he just let his mouth go.

“H-How’d you figure that?”

“Naturally angels, as children of God, have the power to approve unions between lowly mortals.” Levi scoffed. “Or in this case one lowly mortal, that’s you, and a clearly supreme being trapped on an earthly plane.”

Eren squinted a little at the jab. “I thought you were meant to be a demon?”

“Who says there’s a difference?” Levi deadpanned. “Besides I thought Armin said you were supposed to be an atheist or something? Which really just makes this whole scenario way funnier.”

Oh hell no, Eren wasn’t going to get into one of _those_ arguments.

“We don’t even have a best man.” He deflected instead.

“Jean!” Levi hollered, startling the ashbrown right out of his seat.

“Ya-huh?” A bemused Jean replied from the floor, still picking himself up.

“Want to be best man at my wedding?”

It didn’t even take a second for the joke to sink in.

“Hell yeah!”

Levi turned a smug look on Eren, cocking an eyebrow at him.

“I call bridesmaid!” Marco said, popping his head out from the back kitchen.

Eren had almost forgotten that Marco worked there now.

Armin made a protesting sound but Eren drowned out the ensuing argument between him and Marco about who got to be bridesmaid at their imaginary wedding. He just thunked his head against the countertop.

“Is this sort of thing going to be happening all week?” Eren mumbled, gesturing vaguely at Levi.

“Oh yeah.” Levi nodded solemnly. “I’ve got it all planned out.”

Eren sighed.

God help him.

 

 

That last thought turned out to be spectacularly ironic when Eren saw the next costume.

Day three had Eren feeling especially conflicted.

“Aw man.” Jean said the minute they got in through the door. “Why?”

Eren never thought he’d have a thought remotely close to the one he was having, but Levi looked good in a priest collar. If there was a Hell, Eren would be going directly to it for that last thought.

At the very least, the big-ass cross hanging from a chain around Levi’s neck didn’t set the raven on fire. More proof that Eren was very probably just paranoid.

“Excuse you,” Jean was already at the counter, possibly about to pick a fight with Levi, “I don’t know if you realised, but looking that good is a crime.”

Eren’s jaw dropped. Not at all what he had been expecting.

Levi didn’t seem all that taken aback. “That so? Am I under arrest then?”

Jean looked thrown for only a brief moment before he barked a laugh. “Well I know what I’ll be going as to the Halloween party.”

The raven seemed to have become accustomed to Jean testing out his pick-up lines on him. With Jean as much on board with the idea of playing matchmaker between Eren and Levi as the rest of Eren’s friends, Levi was immediately less annoyed by the ashbrown.

 “Oh so you are going?” Levi seemed glad to hear it, and that was weird. “Good, make sure to drag Jaeger with you.”

“Can do.”

Eren, who had managed to make the several steps to the counter by that point, pouted.

“Nobody asked if I even wanted to go.” He griped.

Jean appeared in his face, grin and all. “Hey, Eren. Want to go to a sweet rave? It’ll be great, Levi’s already promised that he’s gonna go all out with his costume! Don’t you wanna see that? Huh? Huh? Bet you do.”

Considering what Eren had already seen of Levi in costume, he feared for his life thinking about what “all out” could mean. If Levi’s mischievous smirk was any indication, then Eren was absolutely not going to be a fan.

“C’mon, dude. You like a good party. Some song and dance? Spooks?” Jean was still trying to convince him.

Eren shoved him out of his personal space. “Yeah, yeah. I’ll go. How did everyone know about this party before me?”

Jean looked at Eren like he was stupid. “It’s on a flier by the main door as you walk in, doofus.”

“Clearly advertising is a wasted effort on you.” Levi chuckled, and Eren got the feeling that that sentence had a double meaning he wasn’t quite grasping.

“But you knew that already.” Jean snorted.

Levi gave an affirmative hum.

And yep, there was definitely some kind of in joke going on there.

“Don’t feel bad, brat,” Levi said, “even Jean missed the flier at first. Marco told him about the event.”

“Man, why’d you have to go and tell him?” Jean complained.

Levi held up his hands in defence. “You’re the one who insisted that I was playing favourites. Just proving you right.”

“I goddamned knew it!” Jean hissed, barrelling on into some rant about how he’d called that from day one.

Eren would never admit it, but he did feel a little bit better after hearing that he was Levi’s favourite customer.

Sitting at a table finally, Eren settled into the seat closest to the window and leaned back against the glass. Huddled down, he pulled out his mobile and thumbed the screen.

 

**[Jaegerwafer]**

so im ur favourite am i?

 

He felt more than a little stupid texting Levi when they were only so many metres away from each other but he loitered by the counter far too much these days. Eren didn’t want to give his friends any more ammunition than they already had.

And besides, seeing Levi pull out his phone and smirk was worth it.

 

**[Levi]**

Are you trying to be cute?

**[Levi]**

If you honestly have to ask that by now, then I’m doing something wrong.

 

Eren sank lower into his chair, pulling his feet up to huddle in tighter. He thought about what Levi was saying. In terms of attention, Eren guessed he could see how people thought he was Levi’s favourite. They tended to chat a lot. Eren even had Levi’s phone number now, though he still couldn’t fathom how that had happened.

The fact that Levi had bought a phone, presumably to talk to him, Eren, specifically…it got Eren flustered and jittery. He got a case of the butterflies even thinking about it.

But that didn’t mean that Levi wasn’t still a special kind of asshole.

 

**[Jaegerwafer]**

so…is that a yes then?

 

Eren was a fan of having things stated, blunt and obvious. Especially in this kind of situation, because Eren’s confused little heart was awful at translating what other people so easily picked up on.

 

**[Levi]**

Eren. I’ll spell it out for you.

**[Levi]**

You, that’s YOU there in the chair by the window I’ll have to clean now thank you very much.

**[Levi]**

You are my favourite.

**[Levi]**

Now get your ass over here so I can watch you be flustered in person.

 

Eren could feel his face burning already, and it didn’t help that when he looked up he found all his friends were watching him. All of the nosey fuckers had varying levels of amusement on their faces. They knew something was happening. Bastards. How did people always know what was going on before Eren himself knew?

Several whoops sounded around the table as Eren got to his suddenly wobbly feet. Fuckers, the lot of them.

Eren ignored the loud and teasing calls from his friends as he slunk his way over to the counter, head down and ears burning.

“There’s my little favourite.” Eren heard Levi say moments before fingers took gentle hold of his chin, coaxing him to look up. “Flushed is a good look on you. I should call you up here more often.”

And that’s how Eren ended up slumped against the counter. Again. Feeling like he might physically start evaporating at any moment from how hot his face felt. None of his friends would come to his rescue, all of them whispering and snickering and tossing out the occasional obnoxious coo whenever Levi would ruffle Eren’s hair on his way back and forth.

Eren let go of a long sigh, trying to figure out if this was suffering or some kind of unusual bliss?

It was going to be a _very_ long week.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ain't they just the cutest?
> 
> A moment of silence for Eren's peace of mind. RIP.
> 
> Alright, so this is the last chapter I'll be posting for this until October actually arrives and we get near-ish to Halloween, since they're the Halloween chapters. But I'm going to be busy as hell for the next 3-ish weeks so I figured I'd give you guys this one last update to tide you over till then.
> 
> P.S. Check out [this commission](http://haberkonium.tumblr.com/post/165726619454/amazing-commission-of-my-snarky-barista-son-from) by the glorious bev-nap who painted Levi's selfie from a chapter or so back!
> 
> P.P.S. Also! That article Eren was reading is 1000% real and I lost my shit when I found it because the opportunity was just too fantastic to pass up X'D [behold said article](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baphomet)! It's no.4 in the contents bar, I died XD


	10. Trick Or Treat pt2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You thought the previous outfits were fun. Oh Eren. Brace yourself, my child.

 

Oh day four. One of two days that Eren had gone alone to the café and things had gotten...interesting. If anything it answered an important question in Eren’s mind.

Did he like Levi? As in was he attracted to the guy?

Stupid question, really.

Seeing Levi dressed as a surprisingly inappropriate priest was nothing compared to seeing him dressed up as a _completely_ inappropriate maid. Frills and all. Complete with a ridiculous, fluffy little feather duster. And Christ that mini-skirt was leaning heavily on the ‘mini’ part of its name. The children, Levi. _Think of the children_. But it did answer Eren’s question.

Yes Eren was absolutely attracted to the surly little barista. Those thighs? Damn. The phrase “sign me the fuck up” had already floated traitorously through the brunet’s brain by the time Eren realised he was blatantly staring.

And Levi noticed, of course he did.

Eren felt a bit like a deer caught in headlights, aware that something was coming but completely unequipped to do anything about it. Levi had an outright evil smirk building on his face. Any second now he was going to do something like actually whip out that stupid feather duster and Eren swore if he heard a single “have you been a dirty boy?” comment he would march right out of the store. No way could he listen to Levi do any over the top flirting in this getup. Not without his knees buckling and leaving him to collapse on the floor like a complete spaz.

Instead of doing any sort of evil flirting, Levi laughed at him.

“You look constipated.” He said.

Eren gave a vaguely alarmed hum of acknowledgement, blinking rapidly like the image of Levi as a maid would make more sense if he saw it through mostly closed eyelids.

“That’s the same look the last three guys gave me.” Levi commented. “I guess for first impressions, this outfit lands in the win column.”

Even processing Levi speaking was a challenge when Eren’s brain was mostly focused on staring.

“I’m honestly confused,” the brunet managed to push out the words, “are you a maid or a lingerie model?”

It was a valid question. There was more lace involved in Levi’s costume than should be allowed outside of a women’s underwear store. What was more criminal was how well Levi pulled it off. And wow, that sentence had Eren’s brain shorting out for a moment.

Levi gave himself a once over that suggested he could see where Eren’s confusion was coming from, elegant fingers picking at frills here and there.

“I mean it did say _Naughty Maid_ in the description when I bought this,” Levi confessed with a half-shrug, “so I suppose that’s some kind of upgrade from ‘regular maid’?”

Eren chose not to ask where exactly a person might go to buy that sort of costume.

The theme was obvious enough, though instead of the usual dress Levi had managed to pull off an even skimpier version of the classic maid look with a miniskirt and crop top combo. Stockings, garter belts. A whole lot of skin on display, a pale and shocking contrast against the dark ruffles and fabric. Holy shit the man had abs. It was all Eren could do not to swoon on the spot; God, Jesus, Mary, and Joseph help him. Too late for prayers, though. Oh the irony. Eren was a little weak in the knees as it was, afraid that if he took a step he might actually keel over. There was nothing Eren could do to change the scenario. So he chose to appreciate it.

Didn’t mean he wasn’t going to complain along the way.

“Does it have pockets?” Eren asked with complete sarcasm.

“Very funny.” Levi rolled his eyes in good humour, patting down his outfit to reveal that no, there was not enough _room_ for pockets. There was barely room for _Levi_ to fit in the damned outfit, good God. “Twerp. Are you just going to stand there all day?”

Eren made a face, a little uncomfortable. His fingers flexed out, then returned to fists at his sides.

“I don’t think my feet remember how to move.” Eren admitted after a moment.

“Guess you’re stuck there, then?”

“Looks like it.”

There was a good, long moment in which the two did nothing but stare at one another, Levi dreadfully amused and Eren honestly panicking because no really…what was walking, again?

Levi came to his rescue, although it didn’t seem as heroic when he had that smirk plastered on his face. As the raven rounded the end of the counter and Eren saw heels, motherfucking _heels_ , attached to Levi’s feet, he almost did go down. Well at least this was a change from being weak in the knees with fear, Eren thought ironically.

Maybe this was what his friends meant when they said “just let it happen”?

Levi had taken a hold of his wrist sometime during Eren’s mental reboot and he tugged the brunet towards the counter. Damn him for being so at ease, possibly even graceful, in those ridiculous shoes while Eren had to literally take baby steps with his own damned feet. He wobbled more than once, feeling like he was the one in heels. Now that would have been a sight.

But finally they made it to the counter. Levi eased the dizzy brunet onto one of the stools, far too close and yet for once Eren wasn’t sure he felt like complaining. His heart was beating so hard that Eren could feel every thump against his ribcage with acute awareness. Surely at this rate Levi would hear it too. It was almost worth the utter embarrassment of the whole confusing scenario to hear Levi’s low chuckle by his ear.

At least someone was having fun.

“Thanks.” Eren managed to croak out, immediately burying his head in his arms and leaning heavily on the counter to hide.

“Aw, poor baby.” Levi said, like Eren was some adorable puppy waiting for someone to take him home. “I was hoping you’d react a little something like this.”

Fingers were in his hair, not quite ruffling. They ran up the back of Eren’s head from nape to scalp and somehow Eren knew it was meant to be soothing. Similar to being petted. Friendly and grounding. Eren wasn’t sure how it had taken him so long to notice, but Levi was awfully touchy-feely around him. Never with anyone else. Not that that was surprising; Levi just about despised most of the human race.

Eren felt spectacularly stupid for not picking up on the obvious hint sooner.

No wonder his friends had caught onto Levi’s interest so quickly, while Eren had been busy assured that the raven was his otherworldly nemesis. Though he wasn’t quite ready to give up on that theory just yet.

Eren made a pitiful sound against his arm. “You’re mean.”

“You’re _welcome_.” Levi scoffed, ruffling Eren’s hair properly as he rounded the counter to take up his usual spot behind it. “Or can you honestly say that you wouldn’t have paid good money to see this exact thing had the idea ever popped into your head?”

The brunet risked a look up, taking in Levi standing there expectantly with his hands resting expressively on his hips. The unspoken “well?” was impossible to miss.

Eren groaned a defeated sound. “Shut up and take my money.”

It earned him a satisfied nod.

“That’s what I thought.” Levi muttered, seemingly quite proud of himself.

Eren remained there in his seat at the counter, mostly because he wasn’t sure if his legs would betray him again should he try to walk elsewhere. But it also gave him the confusing pleasure of being up close and relatively personal with the anomaly that was…maid Levi. When Eren could even make himself look at the raven for more than a second, he quickly flushed. His mind just kept going places with the idea. Stupid, traitorous brain. Goddammit. Realising that he was undoubtedly attracted to Levi only made it harder to try and talk to the man.

Not that Levi gave him the opportunity to remain silent.

“How’s school going, kiddo?”

“Hey, does this skirt make my butt look weird? What do you mean no? I’m looking right at you, brat, I know you didn’t look.”

“Oh no, I seemed to have dropped a spoon on the floor. Well, guess I’ll just have to-”

Eren had one of his increasingly frequent almost-heart attacks when Levi started to bend to pick up the dropped spoon, all exaggerated slowness and too-straight less and _Jesus_ , Levi.

Eren just thunked his head against the counter.

It was like the raven had a personal vendetta against Eren’s peace of mind – determined to shatter it one move at a time.

“Aw, too shy to try and catch a glimpse?” Levi’s tone was almost praising. “That’s too sweet. Good little Jaeger brat, you’re an unconventional gentleman.”

Oh sweet torture.

Eren lamented the fact that he’d chosen today of all days to come here alone. If he’d had Jean with him…well actually that would have been a nightmare. Jean might not have reacted much differently than Eren had and then there would have just been two hopeless fools groaning against Levi’s pristine countertop.

Eren made himself sit up, trying and failing to look at anything other than the prancing barista. Eren never would have believed that Levi could prance. But hoo boy. Levi was all sinuous hips and playful glances today. It was playing havoc with Eren’s peace of mind.

Being this close, Eren could see over the counter pretty well. And yup, Levi was doing that thing where he leaned most of his weight on one leg and the pose had never been more distracting than it was now.

Teal eyes wandered over the jut of those hips, following the lines of Levi’s legs down as far as he could see before trailing back up again. Jesus, those thighs. How in the holy hell did Levi manage to have such sculpted fucking legs? Eren would have bet money that the raven could actually kill a person with those thighs. That really shouldn’t be a turn on. There was something very wrong with Eren, he was sure of it.

But goddamn Eren had never appreciated sheer stockings more than he had in that moment.

And oh no, Levi had been talking to him.

“Earth to Eren?” Levi was right there, waving a hand in front of Eren’s face. “I said did you want to actually order something? All you’ve done so far is sit down and blush, not that it isn’t entertaining on my end but do you want something? Other than the booty, and yes I noticed you staring.”

He had been staring. Eren couldn’t have come up with an excuse for that if he’d had a week to think of something. So he just made a half-strangled helpless noise and let his unfocused brain say whatever it wanted.

“I can’t help it. That skirt shouldn’t be allowed to call itself a skirt. And have you _seen_ your legs? I finally understand the whole ‘crush me with your thighs’ thing and let me tell you it is one hell of a confusing temptation.”

By the time his frustrated word vomit had stopped, Levi looked like he wanted to grin. He kept most of his mirth in his eyes, though.

“I knew this was a good choice.” The raven commended himself, dusting off his ruffles. “Well done me. And well done you; those might have been the best compliments you’ve given me without having to think them through first. Though you may want to be careful about the whole thigh crushing comment. You wouldn’t want to give me the wrong idea.”

“There is nothing wrong about that idea.” Eren said sternly, shaking his head. “Nothing.” He gave a helpless sigh. “And that’s what so embarrassing. I have no idea how to deal with all of this.”

Eren gestured vaguely to all of Levi before flopping back down onto the counter with a groan.

“And that’s exactly what makes this so much fun.” Levi smirked at him. “Flustered Eren is my favourite Eren.”

Eren felt his hair being toyed with again, mischievous fingers idly fluffing up the strands. He didn’t try to stop the action, blinking at frills again and feeling his face heat up the longer he stared at that outrageously unfair skirt.

“I feel like he’s the only Eren nowadays.” The brunet admitted.

“Perfect.” Levi might have smiled, but the café door opened and the look evaporated into something dry. “Less perfect.”

“Leviiiiii!” A high-pitched squeal of delight shattered the otherwise quiet café. “Oh my _God_ , this is the best one yet!”

“Hanji.” Levi greeted.

Apparently the raven was completely unperturbed by his boss practically slamming into the counter to lean over it and grin at him. Just another quirk of the job, probably. Hanji poked and prodded at little bows and bits of lace, damned near cackling in her excitement. Then again it wasn’t every day that Levi did something so spontaneous.

“I thought the other costumes were fantastic but this?” Hanji whistled appreciatively. “Why didn’t you tell me you had this? We could have been having maid themed days all this time!”

Levi shrugged, brushing eager hands away from his frills. “That’s exactly why I didn’t tell you I had it.”

“Ah so mean,” the brunette said, though her grin never faded, “and to think that I thought we were friends.”

“We are.” Levi deadpanned. “Why else would I put up with you?”

“Oh, hello there.” Hanji’s attention had wavered and suddenly Eren found her eyes on him as she leaned towards Levi to stage whisper. “ _Is this him, then_?”

For a moment Levi looked like he might have preferred to throw himself through a window than answer that question. Eventually he just sighed, turning to Eren.

“Eren, this is Hanji.” He waved in the brunette’s general direction. “Owner of Zoe’s Café and Madame Zoe’s Botanic Garden, aka my boss and resident madwoman. You should probably start running now, just a warning-”

“Oh he’s adorable!” Hanji said, having already grabbed Eren’s face between her hands.

“Too late.” Levi sighed. “Go easy on him , Hanj.”

Eren wasn’t sure if having his faced smushed at random by a near-stranger counted as ‘going easy’ but if it was then he didn’t want to know what the opposite was like.

“Ow.” Eren said.

It went unnoticed.

“So _you’re_ the one who’s got Levi so worked up, hm?” Hanji grinned over at Levi who promptly flipped her off. “You must have made one hell of a first impression to break through to that icy heart.”

“Thanks, Hanji. Love you too.”

“Can I have my face back now, please?” Eren managed, though the words might have been a little garbled from having his cheeks squished at the time.

It was like visiting his aunt, just face-squishes and unintelligible cooing. The flashbacks were uncanny.

“He’s absolutely adorable. You always did have good taste, Levi.” Hanji commended her apathetic employee before turning abruptly back to Eren. “Don’t go breaking his heart now.” Hanji said, suddenly letting go of a dazed Eren and heading cheerily for the door. “Levi sends all his problems to me, and I generally I send them to Daisy but I have no problem giving your demise a more personal touch if it comes down to it. Think on that and take care of my boy. Nice meeting you, Eren!”

And with that she was gone.

“Crazy meddling witch.” Levi grumbled. “What did she even come in here for?”

“Wow.” Eren swayed in his seat. “She’s…intense.”

“Yup.” Levi agreed, nodding. He didn’t look all that annoyed by the woman’s presence. “She’s an eccentric lunatic,” he sighed, “but a sweetheart.”

Hearing the admission made Eren do a double take. It was rare to hear Levi talk without a trace of sarcasm and he’d sounded so genuine just then.

“I kind of had the impression you couldn’t stand her?” Eren admitted.

Clearly he had read into that all wrong.

“That’s just my default setting.” The raven joked absently. “Most days I’m just surprised that she puts up with me.” Levi admitted. “Birds of a feather, I guess. Now back to the matter at hand, are you going to order something or should I send your ass out for loitering?”

And just like that the regular old snarky Levi was back.

“Would you?” Eren asked, poking at the countertop. “Throw me out, I mean?”

Levi took a purposefully long moment to pretend to deliberate about the answer to Eren’s question. Long enough that Eren pulled out the puppy dog eyes.

Surprisingly, it worked.

“Probably not.” Levi finally said. “You’re good company.”

“Good for you to pick on, you mean.” Eren whined.

“That too.” The raven smirked. “Stop deflecting and order something already.”

“I suppose I could be really evil and make you go after the new cocoa in the high shelves?”

Levi rolled his eyes, taking the hint that Eren would be having his usual.

“It’s the outfit that gave you the idea.” The raven muttered as he prepared the drink, shooting Eren mischievous glances. “Don’t lie.”

And Eren couldn’t argue one little bit.

“No table cleaning for you today?” Eren teased, surprised at himself for having the guts to even ask.

Levi shot him a wry look, leaning against the counter. “If you wanted me to bend over so much, all you had to do was say so. I’m awfully clumsy with these darned spoons when the right boy asks.”

Unsurprisingly, Eren’s brain stopped working for a good thirty seconds.

“I was not prepared for that imagery.” Eren admitted when he could speak again, unsurprised when his voice cracked. He swallowed when Levi just laughed at him. “Or that tone of voice, goddamn. Let’s definitely not talk about that, I have to walk home. Please don’t sabotage me.”

“That good, huh?” Levi asked with a purposeful toss of his head. “I’m flattered. But seriously, it’s not that exciting down there. Not like I went commando or anything; I was trying to be funny, not indecent.” The raven paused when Eren choked on air for a second. Levi narrowed his eyes and waved a finger in Eren’s direction. “And before you get any ideas, brat, let me assure you that the _only_ lace I’m wearing currently came with the outfit. No panty shots for you.”

“Damn.” Eren said, throat dry all of a sudden. “Day ruined.”

Levi chuckled, completely aware of just how screwed Eren realised he was. “I’m sure you’ll survive the devastation somehow.”

He was a hundred percent wrong about that, but Eren wouldn’t admit that out loud any time soon. The brunet spent the majority of the afternoon doing what he was embarrassed to recognise as pining while his confused little heart tried to work his problems out.

Eren wasn’t any less confused by the time Levi sent him on his way, actually guiding him to the door when Eren continued to space out.

“Don’t think too hard, you still need to actually make it home.”

After making sure Eren was properly bundled up in his jackets, Levi gave him an encouraging push out the door. The raven still had to pack up for the day and change back into normal clothes. It was, as he’d said, “too cold for this bullshit”.

Eren had actually made it all the way home before his phone buzzed in his pocket, and he retrieved it with numb hands to squint at the screen once it was unlocked.

 

**[Levi]**

For real, though. What did you think of today’s little number?

**[Levi]**

Be honest, now. I didn’t brave the cold and prance around in heels today just for you to pretend you didn’t like it.

 

A picture message followed and Eren knew exactly what it was going to be. He still wasn’t ready for the sight of Levi in that stupid (ly amazing) costume when the image loaded in all its high-definition glory. Eren had to wonder if this was a shot from earlier in the day or if Levi had gotten back into the outfit once he’d arrived home just to torment Eren with the visual?

Eren sighed, accepted his own embarrassing thoughts, and typed them out.

 

**[Jaegerwafer]**

blessed be the acker-thighs (praying emoji)

 

He may or may not have laid face down on his bed having an early-life crisis for half an hour. If anyone heard Eren muttering about stockings and Satan, they chose not to mention it.

 

 

Eren was both surprised and relieved (or was that a tiny flare of disappointment?) when he entered the café on Friday to find Levi miraculously costume-free. Just the usual store apron over jeans and a striped shirt. Nothing over the top, not even the metal in his face for once and that was downright odd. Really by now that was just another part of Levi. This had to have been as normal as Levi could get.

It took actually seeing Levi for Eren to realise that he’d been holding his breath in anticipation of what new torment the raven might have subjected him to. At the sound of Eren’s gusting sigh of relief, Levi glanced up.

“Hey there, hot stuff. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you look pleased to see me.” Levi said from behind the counter, smirking. “Relieved at the lack of horns this time around?”

“Mmhm.” Eren nodded.

He trudged over, surprising Levi by actually taking up residence at one of the stools instead of just ordering and wandering off to find a table for once. He laid his head against the counter and yawned.

Levi poked at his forehead, earning a scrunched nose in response.

“Well now you just look tired.” The raven commented. “And I’ve been up since fucking five, so really what excuse do _you_ have?”

“It’s been a long and interesting week.” Eren admitted, aiming a slightly accusatory glare Levi’s way.

“Aw, poor thing. Did someone give you a hard time?” Levi cooed in a purposefully sugary tone. He snorted. “If you think ogling a man in a skirt is hard work, try being the man in the skirt.”

“I didn’t mind that bit actually. It was a confusing, but…not in a bad way?”

“Not your best compliment, Jaeger.” Levi chuckled. “You’d better not wuss out on me and skip the party tonight. Don’t make me ask Armin where you live so I can track you down and play trick or treat.”

“You would.” Eren huffed.

He would, he absolutely would.

“Nah. Too much effort.” Lies. “But I’d probably pester you via texting and moping selfies the whole night.”

Eren hummed at the thought of that and found himself smiling. “Doesn’t sound so bad.”

“Oh no, don’t think you can worm your way out with sleepy smiles and goofy charm.” Levi chastised him. “You’re coming. Gotta get that in-person reveal.”

“Fine, fine.” Eren sighed at him.

It was the only answer Levi was interested in hearing and he gave an approving nod.

“Good boy.” Levi said, sounding entirely too pleased. “That’s what I like to hear.”

“The hell were you doing awake at five in the morning?”

“Before five, honestly. And it was my own personal hell.”

But if anything, the store looked more festive because of it.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Halloween party next chapter! It'll be posted on the 31st, so keep an eye out! Lots of shenanigans to come!
> 
> Day 5 of Eren's torment aka "normal Levi" brought to you by the amazing Bev-nap and [this gorgeous commissioned piece](http://haberkonium.tumblr.com/post/166322924689/ive-been-waiting-to-post-this-for-ages-so-it).


	11. This Is Halloween

 

_Friday morning…_

“Hey my little grump dumpling!”

Levi grimaced at the cheery voice screeching greetings at him. He usually complained about it being too early, but this time it really was.

The raven cracked an eye open, pausing out front of the store where Hanji was waiting, head sticking out of the cracked open café door. She leered at him, all manic smiles and too much energy.

Levi would have glared if he didn’t think even that simple action could give him a headache.

He didn’t even have the energy to talk right then, let alone frown. Glancing in through the glass windows, Levi cast a mournful look at the clock. Fucking 5:02AM. If that wasn’t the most atrocious string of numbers he’d ever seen then Levi didn’t know what was. Heck, he’d have been happier if the clock had read 6:66AM and he’d discovered that he really was Satan. Anything would have been better than waking up before five in the morning to come and add the final decorative touches to the café before the party. Because Hanji, being _insane_ , didn’t want to wait until after closing. Oh no.

Levi didn’t argue, he didn’t even complain as his bespectacled boss pushed various boxes into his hands and sent him off to string up little pumpkin-shaped lights. Lord knew where Hanji got half the stuff she had.

Stupidly realistic skulls were set up all over, housing tea lights in the empty eye sockets. Enormous amounts of false cobwebs and fuzzy, fake spiders would need to be strung up here and there. A whole handful of other novelties. About a thousand fake candles, the kind with batteries that were pretty shitty but good if you were avoiding a housefire. A plethora of various candy baskets for the customers and party goers alike to stick their grubby hands into.

Levi wondered if Hanji would go for the old edible eyeballs snack later on? He hoped so.

It had always been a little ploy of theirs, using Levi’s lack of a squeamish nature to gross out other people as they watched him munch on seemingly disgusting bits of gore. The eyeball one was Levi’s favourite, though Hanji had always been one to cackle at the idea of finger food. It all got so literal around this time of year. Maybe they were just a bunch of creeps after all?

“Any plans for your costume this year?” Hanji asked without a hint of subtlety.

Levi grunted at her, still working towards being able to form words. He was not a morning person.

“Please tell me you’re actually going as something this year?” Hanji continued to pry, starting in on that complaining drawl she had. “I mean it’s good of you to even show up but really? Last year you came as yourself.”

Levi nodded. “That’s right.” He managed, waking up bit by bit. “And I was a hell of a lot scarier than any of the monsters people came along as.”

Hanji made a face. “Well you’re not wrong there. But a little bit of effort wouldn’t kill you, now would it?”

“Actually I was thinking about quite a lot of effort this year.” Levi admitted. “Care to lend your evil hands to the project?”

Hanji almost squealed at the prospect, managing to bite back on the urge for the sake of her bleary-eyed friend. Instead she grabbed hold of the little man and pulled him into a hug.

“This is going to be awesome!”

Levi rolled his eyes. And yep, that hurt this early in the morning too.

 

 

_Friday evening…_

Somehow not hearing from Levi throughout the afternoon only made Eren all the more anxious.

“Come on, Eren. You’ve got to go as _something_.” Armin griped.

Eren made an uncertain face. Really, there was every chance that by just attending this party he’d end up as some ritual sacrifice. What was the point of getting dressed up for his own death?

Armin wasn’t about to let it go, though. “Listen, we can get Annie over and she can work her makeup magic and at least make your face look like a skull or something? Don’t just go as ‘Eren’.”

“What’s wrong with ‘Eren’?” Eren asked, frowning.

“He’s lame.” Jean’s voice called from somewhere in the house.

“Fuck you, too!”

“Oh?” The ashbrown’s head popped through the door, no one questioning the appearance of a rainbow wig. “I thought you were saving yourself for _Satan_?” Jean snickered.

He disappeared before Eren could find something suitable to throw at him.

After a full minute of scowling at the doorway, Eren conceded with a huff.

“Fine, call Annie.”

Armin fist pumped. “Yes!”

 

 

“You know this really isn’t that bad.” Eren thought aloud as he looked at himself in the bathroom mirror.

“Gee thanks.” Annie scoffed at him. “Hold still, idiot. I’m not finished.”

It looked finished. Eren’s had one hell of a case of raccoon eye, but Annie had worked the shape well enough that it was clearly eye sockets and not the result of Eren being punched in the face. His nose looked like it was gone thanks to the illusion of dark makeup. It was kind of trippy to look at.

“This is seriously awesome.” Eren said, followed by an “ow” when Annie kicked him in the shin for talking while she was working.

Armin leaned into the bathroom. “You’re welcome.”

“Whatever, little man.” Eren retorted. “You guys are just trying to play matchmakers from hell. Literally!”

“Well if you’d told me this was for a date…” Annie muttered, making a few corrections.

“It’s not a date.” Eren sulked.

“Totally a date.” Jean said in passing.

“Fuck off already!”

 

 

“Are you ready for this?” Armin was all but buzzing with excitement as they marched along the street heading for the café.

Normally they might have made for an odd sight, decked out in various costumes. But of course it was the one night where no one would question a bunch of questionably rowdy youth prancing about in dress-up.

Jean was in full onesie glory in a somewhat shitty representation of Rainbow Dash.

“You assholes with your ‘why the long face, Jean’. There was no ignoring the temptation, I had to milk that shit.”

It was strangely ironic and yet appropriate when Marco came along as a cowboy. Though Jean wasn’t exactly a mighty steed, but it made for a lot of innuendos on the walk down the street. At one point when the grinning duo were walking hand in hand, Eren could contain his bemusement any longer.

“Are you guys dating or not?!”

Jean looked personally affronted, though Eren wasn’t sure if that was because they were dating and it was obvious, or if he was actually somehow straight and offended because of that.

Marco just smiled, though it was knowing enough to be entirely unhelpful.

Maybe Eren was just awful at reading people?

Yeah, probably that.

Mikasa had herself decked out as what Eren had believed to be Cat Woman, but according to the ravenette it was just a cat. She explained it to a mostly confused Eren. She was a cat to complement Armin’s witch costume. Mikasa was going as Armin’s familiar. A pretty badass accessory to the costume in most people’s opinion. For a cat, Mikasa still managed to look like she could kick someone’s face in.

“Why does it say Felix on the collar?” Eren had asked as they were getting ready to leave.

Mikasa shrugged. “Came with the gear, I didn’t think to have it altered.”

And that was how the silver tag came to read MIKASA in block capitals in Armin’s handwriting. The permanent marker wasn’t the most elegant addition to the costume and Mikasa had complained about getting high off the fumes for a good couple of minutes. Which, of course, had led to a debate between the housemates about various smells that probably shouldn’t count as good smells but kind of still did. Markers, for one. Petrol, for two although only for the first couple of whiffs and then the headaches tended to come along.

Eren accused Jean of knowing entirely too much about how long one could smell petrol before they felt funny.

“Hey, we’ve all had to sit in the car as kids and deal with the fumes while mom or dad took their sweet time paying.” Jean defended.

Connie had come along in a quite bulky cookie costume. Everyone had laughed till they cried when Sasha had actually attempted to take a bite out of the giant biscuit Connie was walking around in when she’d arrived.

Thankfully her disappointment was quelled by the very real cookies that Springer had brought with him.

“You’re the best, Con!”

Connie had puffed up, looking very proud of his forethought. “I really am, aren’t I?”

“Hey how come Annie got to go as herself?” Eren complained.

He hadn’t even known that Annie would be tagging along, indeed a whole bunch of their friends just turned up to walk down with them out of the blue. Reiner and Bert must have heard about the party from Annie. Or even Armin? Reiner was apparently going as a police officer, though really putting on a pair of shades and carrying a box of doughnuts was a pretty poor attempt. He seemed more amused with himself than anything else. Bertholdt was literally…a tree. He was decked out in a whole lot of plastic leaves and also seemed thoroughly entertained with his costume. Eren had no idea who told Thomas, but he tagged along too under a tattered sheet at least attempting to be a ghost.

“Annie doesn’t need a costume to spook the foolish and faint of heart.” Annie answered for herself. “Besides I had to deal with the makeup on half of you lot for a good hour. I could do without having to put it all over myself as well.”

Jean snorted. “Annie came to kick ass and steal candy.”

“And I’m all out of ass.” Annie supplied.

Connie clutched his cookies a little closer, like he thought some honest theft might really befall him. Other than the theft on Sasha’s part, every couple of minutes.

“So what happens if we’re legit the only people there in costumes?” Jean asked with a snort.

“Party hard?” Sasha suggested.

Armin shook his head. “There’s no way that we’ll be the only ones there in crazy gear. I for one an anticipating something hilarious from a certain barista.”

Eren swallowed audibly. “Don’t remind me.”

Annie raised an eyebrow at the giggling group, looking between them and a dazed-looking Eren.

“I’m missing something.”

“Oh yeah.” Jean agreed, nodding. “It’s a great story.”

And that was how Eren got to hear the story of his recent life from the first moment he’d walked into the café right up to the present moment. It seemed a lot more ridiculous from Jean’s point of view.

“I wasn’t that bad, geez.” Eren complained. “Was I?”

Armin snorted.

Jean just about had tears in his eyes from the retelling of the so-called epic tale. “Dude you were worse.”

The café came into sight, decked out in strings of lights and festive bunting. Music could already be heard coming from inside, which was promising. By the door stood Hanji, dressed in a leafy green getup and a shocking red wig. Eren laughed as he connected the dots. Poison Ivy was a brilliant choice for the crazed owner of the plant store next door. In fact Hanji might just be revealing her true colours after all, this could be her real day job and none of them would have even known.

She grinned at the approaching pack of youth, recognising most of them.

“Hey, kiddos!” Hanji greeted them with a wave. “Glad to see you all here, it’ll be really packed now.”

“Hello, Miss Hanji.” Armin greeted on behalf of all of them. “Is it already pretty crazy in there?”

Hanji nodded. “Oh yes. I’m surprised just how well we’re doing. Business as usual, kiddies. We’ll be closing up at just after one, don’t mind the different staff. They don’t bite.”

That made a lot more sense when they actually made it inside.

Eren recognised the men who apparently worked next door. Blonde hair slicked back, they made for pretty convincing vampires. The sharp caps on their teeth only sold the image further. Eren couldn’t for the life of him think of their names. In fact he might have never met the second gentleman, no doubt the one who’d had a run-in with Hanji’s Daisy.

Most of the tables had been cleared out to make room, leaving space for people to chat or dance to the questionably loud music. If there were actual lyrics, Eren couldn’t pick them out. Not over the dizzying thump of the beat through several speakers scattered throughout the place. At least being in an area without too many houses nearby there was less chance of the cops being called on account of noise complaints.

“Dang!” Jean called by Eren’s ear over the racket. “This is a thousand percent cooler than I’d thought it would be. Check out the Dracula twins!”

“When they said party, you know I kind of thought it would be classier than this.” Armin shouted in Eren’s other ear. “I’ve never been more happy to be wrong!”

Just like that, the group scattered. Connie let Sasha drag him to the counter where he struck up a conversation with one of the stone-faced Draculas while Sasha raided the bowls of various snacks and candies that had been set out.

Eren still couldn’t remember if he’d heard either of their names before. He let Armin drag him around to stare at everyone else’s costumes.

There were quite a few impressive ones. Someone in actual chainmail claimed to be King Arthur, though he had to move about quite slowly in the heavy gear. There were a couple of witches about. Armin compared notes with them about his own costume, and he was the only one with an actual live familiar to speak of. Though Mikasa seemed thoroughly enamoured with the toy cat one of the women there had brought along as part of her costume. She asked to hold it and Eren laughed at the image of a cat petting another cat.

He'd almost forgotten to be nervous when he heard it.

“Eren? Yeah he’s over there.” Jean’s voice carried in the fadeout of a song, sounding of betrayal to Eren’s ears.

He gulped, feeling eyes on him. Not just the eyes of several of his friends, either.

Eren jumped a full foot in the air when a hand landed on his shoulder, but when he turned he was met with Hanji’s leering grin.

“Hey there, hot stuff. There’s a certain shorty looking for you.” Hanji’s eyes flickered over Eren’s face and she grinned wider. “You could say he’s got a bone to pick with you. Ha!”

The woman sauntered off still cackling at her own joke.

Armin had been in the middle of snickering too, but then his jaw dropped.

“Oh wow. Eren, you should…I mean… _wow_.”

Eren took that as his cue to turn and face the inevitable music, and as much as he’d been expecting it, he was in no way ready. The fact that this time the horns looked a lot more lifelike didn’t help Eren’s peace of mind very much.

It was impossible not to spot Levi prowling right for him. Eren’s eyes dropped immediately to the odd shape of his feet, finding each one sprouting three clawed toes and a hooked spur at the back, not unlike a raptor. They met with thick, black scales that shone even in the dimmed light of the café, scales which continued all the way up Levi’s legs and tapered off dangerously low on his hips. They continued up the sides of his hips a little way but left an inviting dip at the front.

Eren’s mouth felt dry, but he wasn’t sure if that was because he was turned on or terrified.

Probably both.

The same scales, textured and dark, continued up Levi’s arms to his shoulders, mostly covered by a cropped jacket, charcoal in colour and doing a poor job of actually covering much though that was very probably the point. Levi wore a choker around his neck and not a whole lot else. The horns that curled back out of his temples were thick and stupidly realistic. Levi was a dark and somewhat horrifying blur in the vibrant party. He came to a stop in front of Eren, clawed hands on his hips and an expectant look in his eyes. Eyes that were a shock of black-rimmed white, with little crosses for pupils.

“DAYUM!” Eren hear Jean whoop from somewhere across the café.

Many more whoops sounded, almost all of which Eren could trace back to his friends. Assholes. He heard Hanji cackling somewhere.

A tiny smirk appeared on Levi’s mouth at that and he shot Eren a lazy smile, revealing that he too had capped his teeth to be sharp.

It looked too real.

Eren spent a good thirty seconds deciding whether or not he was actually going to faint before Levi prodded him between the eyes with the end of one, blunt claw.

“You doing okay there, twerp?” Levi looked like he was attempting to look at least a little bit sorry.

It wasn’t quite believable with the smirk he was failing at hiding.

Eren’s silence didn’t seem to faze the raven.

“What do you think?” Levi spun to show off his handiwork, shucking his jacket for a moment to show that the scales on his arms ended in a cluster around his shoulder blades. The rest of him was startling bare. “My tail fell off, unfortunately,” Levi said, turning and pulling his jacket back on, “but I’m like a lizard so it’ll grow back.”

Eren’s eye twitched. He had yet to move.

Levi rolled his eyes, stepping in close. “I’m joking. For real, are you okay?” Levi’s startling eyes flickered over Eren’s face in amused concern. “You look like you might actually fall over.”

“It was touch and go for a minute there.” Eren managed to push the words out finally.

Levi seemed relieved that he could talk at all. “Oh thank God, I thought I’d gone and broken you for a minute there.”

“I’m good.” Eren said, a little strained. “It’s just,” he let his eyes wander, swallowing anxiously, “…surprisingly realistic.”

“Mwahaha.” Levi deadpanned an evil laugh, giving Eren a little bit of space. “You didn’t think I would come along as anything other than a demon, did you? Really? After all this build up?”

“I mean I was hoping.”

Levi scoffed at him. “You’re an actual idiot.”

Eren squinted at him, noticing little glints of colour every time Levi shifted about.

“Are you wearing glitter?” The brunet asked.

“Probably.” Levi sniffed. “It was Hanji’s gear and knowing her…” he trailed off with a roll of his eyes.

Somehow that made Levi a little less terrifying.

“I like your costume.” Levi said, taking in Eren’s appearance. “Didn’t know you owned a suit.”

“It’s Armin’s.” Eren admitted.

Levi hummed, too close again. Or possibly not close enough.

“That explains why it’s a sinfully tight fit, then?”

“Will you ever get tired of that pun?”

“Probably not. It just has so many good uses. Give us a twirl then.” Levi said, pushing at Eren’s shoulder to get him to spin. “Not bad, not bad at all, Jaeger. The sleeves are a tad short but those pants more than make up for it.”

“Speaking of pants,” Eren just stared at what he assumed were Levi’s pants for a long moment, “are those pants? Or…or what? I mean they look amazing.” He flushed, but Levi only smirked at him. “But I mean they look like they might fall off at any moment, really.”

“Oh these babies? Oh no. These aren’t coming off until I have to literally peel myself out of them later. That’s going to be fun.” Levi’s emphasis on the word ‘fun’ made Eren think it would be the opposite of fun. “It took hours to get into this little number.”

Eren gaped. “Really?”

“Oh yeah. I was standing around upstairs pretty much since closing while Hanji helped me out. She made the whole thing for me. It was a son of a bitch to have put on. Worth it, though.”

“Are you going to be able to get it all off on your own?” Eren asked, and he really really had meant it as a perfectly innocent question.

But of course Levi shot him a look and Eren realised what he’d said. And really he just wanted to shrivel up and die right about then.

“Why, are you offering to help?” Levi leered at him, mostly playful.

Eren just shrugged, flushed and at a loss of what to say or do now that Levi had him cornered and in that getup of all things. He couldn’t stop staring, wondering what the shit Levi was made of to be built like that.

“Do you live in a gym or something?”

Levi snorted.

Hanji came flying in screeching something at Levi and Eren took the opportunity to slip away. He spent the next ten minutes attempting to down the entire contents of one of the punch bowls, because there was no way he was equipped to deal with this sober. Thank God or whoever it was out there who had spiked the punch. Probably Hanji.

Jean found Eren later, hunched over a table complaining to no one in particular. The ashbrown grinned and took a seat, laughing at the brunet while Eren hiccupped and whined.

“He’s just…so hot.” Eren sulked, already slurring. That punch was stronger than he’d thought, holy damn. “And it’sssss not fair. It’s not fair, Jean.”

“Uh-huh.”

“I-I-I mean. Who. Who gets to just walk around like that? I swear his outfit is glued to his body because goddamn. Why’s he so hot, Jean? It’s not fair.”

“Poor you.”

Armin came trotting over, eyebrows raised at a sloshed Eren half-slumped over Jean.

“What happened?” Armin asked, eyes wide.

“He’s trying to drown his confused little gay feelings.” Jean said over the music, smirking and shaking Eren. “Aren’t you, Jaeger?!”

Eren winced, turning to blink sluggish eyes at Jean. “Huh?”

“You were saying what your awful first world problem was.” Jean prompted.

“Yes!” Eren shot upright, only to blink owlishly for a moment as if lost. “Levi!” He shouted, remembering his train of thought. “It’s…he’s too hot, Armin!”

By this point even over the music Levi had heard his name being shouted every couple of minutes. Armin didn’t say anything as the raven sauntered up and leaned on the opposite side of the table from Eren and Jean.

Jean nodded to him, snickering and pointing at a still-rambling Eren.

Levi listened, raising his eyebrows at the sort-of compliments that fell out of Eren’s mouth in a jumbled but continuous stream. In a sort of complaining manner, but still flattering.

Armin nodded along, a picture of seriousness as Eren wailed his apparent troubles.

When Eren turned to see who had sat with them, there was a full minute where he didn’t even recognise who it was. Jean was just about crying as Eren continued to complain about Levi _to_ Levi. The raven looked thoroughly entertained. He sat there watching Eren slur and slow-blink his way through several descriptions of Levi’s ass and how it should be classed as illegal for the sake of the personally defenceless.

And then Eren paused. He looked at Levi, _really_ looked at him, and squinted for a long moment.

“Do you think he noticed?” Armin stage whispered to Jean.

A long whine left Eren as he stared down Levi, finally with a flicker of recognition. Levi smiled oh-so-innocently at him.

Jean cackled. “Yup, it finally sunk into that thick skull of his.” The ashbrown said, ruffling Eren’s hair.

Eren slumped against the table, making unintelligible sounds.

“How is he this fucked already?” Levi asked, leaning down to peer at the brunet.

“He got to the punch unsupervised.” Armin said solemnly.

“Ah.” Levi nodded in understanding. “Hanji’s recipe is pretty brutal.”

“We should probably get him some water.” Armin suggested. “Or food. Or both.”

Jean gave a long and exaggerated hum. “That is a good idea. Or _we_ could go dance up a storm with the rest of the guys and leave Jaeger-boy here in the capable hands of Satan.” The ashbrown said, gesturing to himself and Armin. “Thoughts?”

Armin shrugged. “What could go wrong?”

The two of them were gone before Levi was done shaking his head at their antics.

“Come on then, twerp.” He muttered, heaving Eren to his feet. “To the kitchen with you.”

They weaved through groups of chatting people, the familiar ones were elbowed out of the way. Levi set Eren down on one of the stools at the counter.

“Watch this one for me for a second, would you, Erwin?” Levi called in passing. “He’s a bit tipsy.”

Eren chose that moment to slump face first onto the counter. He remained there, groaning.

Erwin raised an eyebrow, side-eyeing the raven. “Tipsy, you say?”

“Alright, a lot tipsy. You could say he’s totally fucked. Just keep an eye on him.”

Levi ducked out the back and into the kitchen, pulling down a jug and filling it with water. He was busy looking for some food that hadn’t been styled to look like various forms of viscera and body parts to gross out the guests when Eren came stumbling through the doorway.

Moblit poked his head in. “Erwin said your friend was distracting the customers with talk about a certain someone’s ass.”

The brunet spotted Levi and gave a little wave, disoriented and swaying.

Moblit disappeared without another word.

“For fuck’s sake. He had one job.” Levi muttered, but he stomped over to fetch the brat before Eren keeled over and brained himself on a table corner. “Sit here.” He plopped Eren into one of the chairs that had been stacked in here to make room for the party. “Stay. _Stay_.”

When Eren looked like he wasn’t going to try wandering about, Levi went to get the jug.

Water first, and Eren drank like he hadn’t had water in days. Good. The more he had now, the less likely it would be that Eren would wake up tomorrow and feel like his head was trying to split itself in half. The best Levi could offer in terms of food were a couple of stale croissants. Better than nothing, he figured.

“Alright, dummy. Eat this.”

Levi left Eren with the croissant, but he didn’t make it two steps before there was a hand closing over his shoulder. Before he could so much as question what was happening, Levi found himself pressed into the corner between the counter against the wall and one of the big fridges.

Eren looked confused as he loomed over him, a hand on Levi’s shoulder and another pressed flat against the cupboards by Levi’s head.

The raven arched a brow at him. “Oh so ambushing is more your style? Who would have guessed?”

The confusion turned to frustration, twisting Eren’s features into a little frown.

“You know you’re mean and scary but fun too and I think I like you Levi?” The string of words ended like a question and Levi huffed a laugh.

Before the sound had even finished it was stolen away by a fleeting dab of Eren’s mouth against his. Levi blinked, stunned, but there was no mistaking it.

Eren Jaeger had just kissed him.

“Well alright then, Jaeger.” Levi smiled. “I think I can work with that.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was going to be a lot longer but a whole lot of somethings came up and I haven't had the time to finish editing the rest. I'll continue the rest of the Halloween shenanigans when I get a second of free time but at the very least I'm glad I got this bit done and posted for you guys.


	12. It's About Damned Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas! Although technically it's still Halloween in the fic timeline X'D whoops o_o

 

A scale-clad figure sauntered out of the kitchen wearing a rare smile. Moments later he was followed by a younger man, swaying ominously, though he did not fall and instead trailed after the former. They made for an odd sight.

The gathered youth witnessing the scene certainly thought so, gaping in shock as the pair wandered off hand in hand.

“Are you…” Connie started, sounding utterly bemused as he leaned towards Jean, though his eyes were fixed on the unfolding scene, “are you seeing this?”

Sasha’s eyes were like saucers. “Was that _Levi_ in there with him?”

“Oh my God.” Marco said through the beginnings of laughter.

“I’m not the only one seeing this, right?” Connie echoed again.

Jean was definitely seeing this. He didn’t think he could have unseen it if he tried. The ashbrown was pretty sure that he had a near-permanent expression plastered on his face now, something between surprise and not-quite disgust. Okay, maybe it was disgust, but the specific disgust reserved for couples that were completely, tremendously, overly affectionate in public.

Jean had just watched Levi walk out of the back kitchen, looking entirely too pleased with himself. And then a moment later, _Eren_ had staggered out of that vert same kitchen, smiling after Levi and wearing an expression that Jean could only describe as smitten. Now Eren was trailing after Levi like some newly adopted puppy. All he was missing was the wagging tail.

Earlier that night Eren had been stiff with tension, now he was happily (if drunkenly) holding the would-be Satan’s hand.

“Did we miss something?” Jean asked, dumbstruck at the sight.

Levi leaned Eren against a table, probably going to find him a chair. He was swept up instead by an enthusiastic Hanji who came barrelling into him with a congratulatory whoop and thumped him on the shoulder. Levi didn’t so much as wince. He aimed a sly stare at the brunette and they started talking.

Jean turned his gaze back to Eren. Eren, who had realised the missing presence of Levi and immediately began to blink in each direction, searching hard. Jean watched Eren stumble up to where Levi had become distracted talking to Hanji, but the raven turned when Eren tugged at his wrist. Levi smiled, fucking _smiled_ like a normal person.

“What is happening?” Jean practically whispered.

 

 

Levi Ackerman was having a very good night. And here he’d been worried that the party would be a wasted effort, but no. Every hour of stringing up fake cobwebs and painstakingly preparing horror-themed foodstuffs had been absolutely worth it.

Eren had kissed him.

He had absolutely, on purpose, kissed him. Levi had been beginning to think it was a lost cause, that he’d have to corner the damned moron, but instead things had turned a complete one hundred and eighty degrees on him. Levi wasn’t normally a big fan of surprises…but that had been a good one.

Now Eren didn’t seem to want to part from him.

And Levi had thought he was the smitten one. He could hold onto some dignity at least in that department.

“Well don’t you look pleased with yourself?” Levi chuckled, crowded back against the punch table by a pouting Eren.

The raven excused himself to Hanji, though he wasn’t going anywhere per se. He was just going to have a hard time talking and kissing Eren at the same time, so naturally Levi went with his preferred option.

Hanji didn’t stand a chance.

The woman did squeal her excitement, though, calling Levi’s praise over the zealous make-out session that started up.

Eren didn’t seem very aware of their surroundings, though Levi was very aware. He could sense eyes on them and it didn’t dampen his delight even a little. The table edge was digging into his lower back, Levi was pretty sure he was half sitting in an empty snack bowl, and Eren’s mouth tasted like body paint. It had smudged earlier, with their activities in the kitchen. Levi was sure he had half of Eren’s makeup on his own face by now and it probably looked like shit.

But with Eren’s mouth over his and Eren’s tongue down his throat, Levi couldn’t bring himself to care about anything else.

Levi let his eyes close, snaked a hand up into Eren’s hair, and tugged the brunet closer.

 

 

Jean’s eyebrows shot up. Well _that_ certainly wasn’t the PG side of kissing. Was that really Eren over there…wrapped around the ever grumpy Levi? Not that Levi hadn’t been trying, so obviously trying, to get into this exact scenario for some time now…but still. What were the odds of this actually happening?

The ashbrown let go of a startled laugh. “Well would you look at that.” Jean said. “Hell really must have frozen over.”

“Oh you don’t know the start of it.” Armin said dryly, popping up out of nowhere and sounding smug.

The little blonde presented his phone like it was some great trophy, holding it out for Jean to take. Silent and shining under the dim lighting, the mobile promised great things. Things Jean might even regret knowing. It was too late to deny that he was curious, so Jean accepted the phone and stared at what was on the screen.

A video? What was Armin trying to show him.

Without thinking much of it, Jean thumbed the play button. His jaw dropped so far he was worried it might actually reach the floor.

No way did he regret this! Eren would probably evaporate when he saw this video.

“Oh my _God_.” Jean’s eyes snapped up to Armin’s, the little blonde grinning. “How did you even know they’d be in there?”

“I’m observant.” Armin said with a shrug. “And call that an insurance policy.” He nodded to the mobile in Jean’s hands.

Understanding hit Jean like a smack to the face and he cackled. They all knew how hard Eren could party, and he had a tendency to not remember a whole lot of what had happened come morning. But this? The outrageous turn of events that had been happening tonight? This was something Eren couldn’t afford not to remember, or else Levi might actually reap his soul out of spite. And that’s where Armin came in. This sneaky manoeuvre was Armin’s fool-proofing system in place – if Eren woke up in a hungover daze come morning, the little blonde would no doubt be there to fill in all the juicy details.

Jean returned Armin’s phone. “Wouldn’t want you to miss out on any crucial evidence.” He called as Armin darted off, no doubt to capture more proof of the Jaeger-Ackerman chemistry.

Nothing like a little visual evidence to make Jaeger boy wake up to himself.

With Armin’s determination, there would no doubt be a whole album’s worth for Eren to be mortified about come morning.

 

 

Eren Jaeger was having a good night. He felt a bit woozy, but half a bowl of questionable punch was likely to do that to do that to you. Walking in a straight line was more of a challenge than ever, but Levi didn’t seem to mind Eren practically slumping over him for support.

And that was where the good part of Eren’s night was focused.

Levi. He’d been so close and Eren couldn’t remember what had ever made the little man seem so scary when they’d been in the gloom of the kitchen. His eyes only told him about the pleasant angles of Levi’s body, the sin that was those pants, and how nice it was of Levi to bother trying to make him feel better. Eren hadn’t let his mind tell him otherwise. He’d just moved, and kissed him.

And Levi hadn’t shoved him away.

Eren had kind of thought he might do something like that. Like maybe he’d been playing a nasty trick this whole time, getting Eren’s hopes up only to laugh in his face. Because Eren had his hopes. They were buried under new waves of terror every time Levi did something remotely demon-related, but that didn’t mean the hope wasn’t there.

Levi was being a bit of a shit to him, but he was also nice. He cared, and showed it in his own way – letting Eren waste his time with mindless chatter, ruffling Eren’s hair.

And now, after they’d made out for who knows how long in the kitchen, Eren felt a lot better about where they stood. His mouth felt kind of numb, but in a good way, and he couldn’t stop smiling.

Levi let him lean all over him, like Eren’s weight wasn’t annoying.

Eren wasn’t sure if Levi had always been this touchy-feely, but he wasn’t exactly complaining. Then again, Levi kind of had to be that way to stop Eren from falling on his ass. It had already happened once. Eren hadn’t been holding on very well and the next thing he knew, he’d been on the ground. Face down on the tiles. Levi had practically carried him from that point on, kind of half-hauling the brunet from place to place throughout the café.

Which was stupidly fun while drunk, if a bit disorienting.

At this point, Eren was seated at one of the few tables that had been left out. There were half a dozen other people there, all of them talking. Eren was a little too distracted to follow the chatter. He had a lap full of Levi (the raven didn’t want him wandering off and face-planting again) and was blinking over his shoulder at the loud conversation going on.

Something about an after party, but Levi wouldn’t be going to that.

Eren didn’t think he wanted to go either. He wondered if Levi would go home after this…if maybe Levi would take Eren with him?

The possibility that it wouldn’t happen had Eren pouting and he chased off the thought.

“What’s with that face?”

Before Eren could blink there were long fingers sliding under his chin, tilting his head up. Levi was half-turned in Eren’s lap, his touch cool against Eren’s jaw, and the contacts he had in obscured the pretty grey Eren was so used to.

“If you think you’re sighing discreetly, you’re dead wrong.” Levi’s mouth curved up in a little smirk.

It made Eren frown a little, concentrating on those thin lips and how much he wanted to kiss them. He must have been obvious because his wish was granted, Levi’s mouth warm against his, and Eren felt that stupid smile creeping back into place as Levi leaned away to regard his handiwork.

“So needy.” Levi’s eyes swam with amusement even with the contacts.

Clearly Eren’s apparent neediness was not something that the raven considered to be a problem.

Levi’s name was mentioned across the table and he turned back, already swept up in conversation. Eren followed his gaze.

Levi had mentioned the names of various people, Eren was sure. He could only remember the man with the dark, gelled hair – Gunter. The others remained nameless, aside from Hanji, but they were all very friendly and smiled at Eren’s slurred attempts at conversation. Most of the time they just let him stare into space. Eren rested his chin on Levi’s shoulder. The raven seemed pretty happy lounging on his Eren throne, though he’d had to start holding both of Eren’s hands eventually to stop them from wandering. The brunet wasn’t as aware of what might and might not be appropriate in his current state, or maybe Levi was just concerned about getting any kind of aroused in his current attire. Eren didn’t mind, just playing with Levi’s fingers and sighing kind of wistfully by his ear.

It was late, but not that late, when Levi slid off Eren’s lap and offered the brunet a helping hand up.

“Come on,” Levi said, smirking at Eren’s wobbly attempts at standing, “let’s get you home.”

Home. That would be nice, his bed was there and Eren was pretty tired. Make that very tired. But there was no Levi at home, and suddenly it didn’t seem like a good idea.

Eren didn’t want to go home, and he stated as much.

Levi arched a brow at him. “You know you fell asleep on my shoulder for a while there, right? I’m not waiting around for you to start drooling on me, too.”

And so Eren found himself heaved up out of his chair and helped along towards where Jean and company were still stumbling about in an attempt at dancing. Or at least that’s what Levi had called it.

“Oi!” Levi called by the ashbrown’s ear over the music. “Jaeger’s done for the night, are you heading off soon?”

“What?” Jean had only slurred a little. “Nah, man. We’re sticking around, might even check out that afterparty. Ask Mikasa.”

Eren smiled blearily at Mikasa when they found her. She sat at one of the tables, Armin beside her but leaned over the tabletop, face down. Mikasa was watching over the groaning blonde, who seemed even more out of it than Eren did…somehow. Christ these kids couldn’t hold their drink. Unless there was a lot more alcohol on the premises than Levi was aware of. Eren offered Mikasa a little wave when she looked up, noticing the presence of two figures by her table. Her initial reaction was shock. The surprise on her face didn’t make sense to Eren, though Levi had a pretty good idea of why Mikasa would be surprised seeing Eren draped over the very same man he’d been terrified of.

“Is he okay?” Mikasa asked Levi, wisely assuming that Eren wasn’t going to be much help with answers.

“The little snot fell asleep on me.” Levi scoffed, but it was a fond sound. “Figured he should head home.”

Mikasa nodded, glancing back at Armin. “I was thinking the same.”

“Did you bring a car?”

“We walked.”

Levi sighed. “Do you want help walking these morons home, then?”

“Thank you.”

 

 

They staggered out of the café after shouting farewells to various friends, pausing briefly so that Levi could get Eren up on his back, hands under Eren’s thighs to keep him up. It was easier than having the brunet stumble along at a snail’s pace. Eren seemed pretty pleased with his new and tiny steed. He draped his arms over Levi’s shoulders, snuggling his face against the raven’s shoulder and mumbling happy nonsense. Mikasa just scooped Armin up in her arms, having a similar opinion to Levi’s. None of them would be getting anywhere very fast with these two idiots attempting to walk. They made for an odd sight, bridle style and piggy back side by side, but Levi was sure no one would fuck with them.

Levi wasn’t even a bit surprised when he heard quiet snoring by his ear moments later. The brunet had passed out already and they’d barely gone halfway down the block. Levi huffed a laugh, shaking his head.

“Utter moron.” Levi muttered, glancing ahead. “You know where you’re going?” He asked Mikasa.

Levi could feel her looking in his direction.

“Yeah.” She answered, pausing. “I guess you really like him, huh?”

Mikasa’s eyes were looking ahead when Levi glanced at her, but he knew she was paying close attention.

“What, this idiot?” Levi chuckled, his gaze sliding over towards Mikasa. “Whatever gave you that idea?”

Eren might have been a grade A moron half the time, but he was still important to Mikasa. She would look out for him, that much was clear in even this brief wariness. Mikasa didn’t quite smile at Levi’s words, but he figured the warmth in her eyes was Mikasa’s very on personal version of approval. He was glad she didn’t dislike him, or his intentions to pursue Eren. Levi knew he wasn’t the easiest person to get along with, but he didn’t hate these kids. He was used to their special brand of stupid and things wouldn’t be the same without them.

“I know I pick on him,” Levi said, “on all of you from time to time. It was a good game, but I think it’s time to pack in all this devil nonsense.”

Mikasa side-eyed him. “No more Satan?”

Levi nodded. “No more Satan. Though I’ll admit it was fun.”

Mikasa aimed a tiny smile at the concrete of the sidewalk. “It certain was.”

Levi paced on, chewing at his lower lip in thought. He looked over at Mikasa again, waiting to catch her eye.

“I don’t suppose there’s much chance of Eren actually remembering half of what’s happened?” He asked.

A brief bark of a laugh escaped Mikasa and she shook her head.

Levi heaved a sigh, though he found himself smiling also. “Guess we’ll know for sure by morning.”

Mikasa’s eyes shone with amusement under the street lights and she smiled back.

“Guess we will.”

They arrived some time later at a house, stark white in the darkness with a bunch of poorly trimmed hedges and a patchy gravel driveway. Levi could definitely see students living here. Still, the place seemed homey enough and he was sure they all had good memories here. Mikasa held Armin up with one arm to fish around for keys. The jingling had Eren stirring slightly and Levi turned his head to check on the brat. At least he hadn’t drooled.

“Eren. Oi, Eren?” Levi didn’t want to risk dropping the little shit, so he just bumped his head into Eren’s.

The brunet barely moved, grumbling and trying to get comfortable again.

Levi bounced him a little and Eren almost fell when he jerked up with an incredibly unattractive snort, his eyes barely opening. He was coaxed down, unhappy that the ride was over. Eren barely woke enough to waddle inside, though Levi figured he’d let the twerp find his own way to his room. At the end of a hallway, Eren waved a sleepy farewell. Levi was pretty sure the brunet didn’t even know who he was waving at.

Mikasa gave her thanks, disappearing inside to dump Armin somewhere suitable.

“Sweet dreams, twerp.” Levi called over his shoulder and he headed for home.

He hoped Eren wasn’t one for nasty hangovers.

 

 

An annoying ray of sunshine stretched its way across Eren’s face and he woke with a groan. His head felt heavy, everything did. There was an ominous feeling lurking behind Eren’s eyelids and he knew immediately that even opening them would be a struggle.

He managed to blink and didn’t immediately hate himself for doing so. His head throbbed at the light, but as hangovers went this one was startlingly mild – a dull ache, present but not crippling. The rest of Eren felt questionable, a gross mess of limbs and muscles that were simultaneously stiff and gooey. Eren felt like jelly, only heavier. He could only assume that there had been a significant amount of drinking last night.

Good God. What the hell had even _happened_?

Eren remembered arriving, and _Christ above_ that outfit Levi had chosen…that had been something else. If the devil was that sexy then he could have Eren’s soul.

Whoa there, Eren caught himself.

He squinted, ignoring the way it made his head feel worse, but try as he might he couldn’t bring the rest of the night into focus.

It was at that point that his door burst open, Armin standing in the doorway looking miserable. He hadn’t even changed out of his witch attire, though Eren was also in his costume so he assumed someone had gotten them home and they’d been too wiped to do much more than pass out. A shower and a few hours of staring at the ceiling would likely sort them right out.

“I feel like shit,” Armin announced, stumbling his way in and holding his head, “but you need to see this immediately because I _know_ you’d be the kind to forget important shit.”

Armin flung himself onto Eren’s bed, one arm flopping in Eren’s direction. In the blonde’s hand, he held his phone. It wasn’t locked, though Armin’s rarely was. The only blackmail-worthy material on the device involved other individuals – Armin was too clever to be caught out like that.

Eren glanced at the lit up screen. The gallery was open on a particular album dated yesterday, named in all capitals: EREN – MUST SEE. There were photos and even some videos in the collection, all of which seemed to be from the party, that apparently Eren needed to see.

He had a really bad feeling about this.

“What did I do?” Eren asked, wary.

Armin only flailed his arm a bit until Eren took the phone from him.

The first item was a video and, with growing concern, Eren pressed play.

The footage was dark and looked like it was being filmed at an angle. Not Armin’s best work, but there were a couple of figures visible in the dark, mostly legs and roaming hands. Christ, what was Armin doing filming a couple of people sucking face in the dark? He squinted at the setting, finding the room familiar. It looked like…the kitchen? The café kitchen, Eren recognised. Alright then, so what?

Armin’s hand roved into view and he held down one of the buttons on the side of the phone until the volume was all the way up. Eren heard the thump of music from the party, a lot of chatter and laughter a little ways off, but it was clear what Armin wanted him to hear.

Yup that was definitely some hardcore making out going on. Eren was getting ready to ask what the point of all this was, already leaning over towards Armin, when the angle changed and suddenly Eren could see the two figures more clearly.

Holy shit. That was him.

And there was absolutely no mistaking the smaller figure hopped up on the counter. Levi might have been the one dressed like a demon, but Eren looked like he was the more likely candidate to eat the little man alive right about then. Oh wow that was a lot of tongue. A lot of his own tongue down Levi’s throat, what the hell had gotten into him.

“Oh.” Was all Eren could manage as the video went on.

Sweet Jesus, how long did this go on for? Surely they’d have to come up for air or something eventually?

Armin hummed a laugh, sounding positively evil.

“Scroll on, my friend.”

Oh right…there was more.

Eren felt a steady flame of embarrassment grow within him as he swiped through photos, finding himself practically attached to Levi in most of them.

“I’m so doomed.” Eren swallowed.

 “I think it’s safe to say you’ve earned yourself a date with the devil.” Armin chuckled, then groaned when the laughter only made him feel worse.

Maybe it’s not so bad, Eren thought to himself. But then he reached the end of the album, the final photo freezing him in place. He was draped over Levi again, riding piggy back like he weighed nothing, but they were halfway out of the café door. Headed…where exactly? Then Eren began to wonder…just how had he gotten home. And why was the photo being taken from outside of the café?

Unless Armin had been leaving too.

And if this was the last photo…

“Armin, how did we get back last night?” Eren asked, eyes wide.

“Mikasa and Levi carried our sorry asses back, God bless their souls.”

“No.” Eren muttered. “No, no. Why would anyone think that was a good idea?”

“What?”

“You guys let the man flaunting his demonic nature know where we _live_?!” Eren shrieked, making Armin wince. “Do you have a death wish?!”

The blonde stared at Eren for a long moment, incredulous. He scowled, grabbing Eren’s pillow and whacking him over the head with it.

“Grow up, Eren. He’s not a-”

But Eren wasn’t listening. Armin watched the brunet tear around his room, grabbing whatever clean clothes he could find and stumbling down the hallway towards the bathroom, muttering about finishing things and something about churches.

Armin thought about stopping whatever plan Eren was forming…for about a second. He figured being there in person to film the results would be a much better idea and so, regardless of his hangover, staggered off in search of his own clothes.

Jean emerged from his room looking worse for wear, but smug regardless.

He eyed Armin, one eyebrow rising at the bleary determination on the little blonde’s face.

“Do I want to know?”

“I think Eren’s going to face his demons or whatever. Said something about the church. Should be some quality gold. Wanna come?”

Jean gave a loud snort, shaking his head. “Sounds hilarious.” He grinned. “I’m in.”

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think everyone can guess what's about to go down.


	13. The Last Straw

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Jaws theme plays in the background*

 

The café door swung open and Eren strode in with purpose, only to stop in his tracks a couple of steps inside.

He’d expected Levi, brain flashing back to moments from the night before. Eren wouldn’t have put it past the raven to come to work in that borderline-illegal outfit and if he had, well, Eren’s plan for vengeance would have been screwed. As it was, said plan was screwed anyway.

Marco stood behind the counter, startled by Eren’s sudden entrance. There was no sign of Levi.

Eren faltered, his eyes darting wildly around the café but Levi was nowhere to be seen. Eren hesitated for so long that Jean leaned around the side of him, scanning the tables in a similar if calmer manner. Nope, no sign of the little terrorist anywhere. The ashbrown gave a snort.

“Well there goes your ambush attempt.” Jean laughed, striding around Eren and heading for the counter. “No Satan today, huh Marco?”

Marco’s concern evaporated at Jean’s words, understanding replacing the expression.

“Ah, no. It’s his day off.” Marco leaned over the counter a little to whisper once Jean was within range. “He doesn’t remember?” The raven nodded towards Eren, who was busy fidgeting.

Eren hadn’t even moved from where he’d stopped inside the door, too paranoid that Levi might jump out from somewhere. Instead he wrung his hands, fretting quietly. Jean shook his head at Eren; who even knew what went on inside that thick skull of his. At the very least, Armin was there to keep the panic from turning into some kind of full scale fit.

The little blonde cast an exasperated look Jean’s way.

Jean heaved a sigh, turning back to Marco. “Not a goddamned thing. Well…none of the important bits. We probably should have kept him away from the punch.”

“I don’t know about that.” Marco shrugged. “It got him to loosen up a lot.”

“Not exactly a good long-term solution, though.”

“No, definitely not.”

A few customers came and went, but overall the café was quiet. Marco and Jean stood on opposite sides of the counter watching their friend, idly scheming.

When Eren was being a grade A idiot, he could acknowledge that there was something about Levi that he liked and that that wasn’t a bad thing. But in this state of paranoid panic, there was no getting through to him. Jean was pretty sure he could have a priest come in and perform a certified exorcism on Levi before Eren’s very eyes and it still wouldn’t convince the moron that Levi was just a regular human.

Levi himself probably couldn’t get Eren to believe him. Unless he could.

Jean’s eyes narrowed in thought.

“Now that’s a look I know to fear.” Marco said, only half-joking.

Jean’s gaze flicked over to him. “You’re Levi’s colleague, right?”

Marco immediately looked suspicious. “Yes.” His answer came slow. “Why do I feel like you’ve had a terrible idea?”

“It is pretty terrible,” Jean admitted, casting a glance over his shoulder at a skittish-looking Eren still lingering by the door, “but this time I think it’s for the best.” He looked back to Marco. “If you have Levi’s number, which I’m sure you’d have to by now, tell him to come into the café today.”

“With Eren looking like that?” Marco looked uncertain. “I think you were right, this idea is terrible. What do you think will happen?”

Jean shrugged. “Eren will probably shit himself, but Levi’s unlikely to keep up the demon roleplay if he actually does want to, oh I don’t know, keep kissing our idiot friend?”

“And I think we all want them to get a room by this point.” Marco agreed, looking wry for a moment. He sighed. “So what’s this idea, then?”

“Get them in the same room?”

Marco stared at Jean, disbelief taking over his face, but the ashbrown only shrugged.

“That’s all I’ve got.” Jean admitted.

“That’s it?”

A scoff escaped Jean. “Be real with me, what else would work?”

The pair had a brief staring contest, knowing each other and Eren well enough that they didn’t have to speak to come to the same conclusion. This was the only plan that had a chance of getting through to Eren.

“Damn.” Marco sighed again, though he sounded resigned. “You might be right, but that doesn’t make the idea any better. It could go horribly.”

Jean wasn’t about to argue there. “I think it will go horribly at first,” he glanced back at Eren and Armin, hoping silently, “…but it’ll be for the best.”

Marco was quiet for a moment, probably running scenarios through his head. Even Jean had to admit their options weren’t great, but dammit he was going to get his friend a date even if it was with the would-be devil.

“I hope you’re right,” Marco said finally and ran his hands over his face, “because if you’re not then Levi is going to reap _my_ soul.”

But he picked up his phone from beneath the counter anyway. Jean watched as Armin coaxed Eren to flop into a seat at one of the booths, looking tired, and he listened to Marco’s brief call.

“Levi? It’s Marco, yes I know it’s your day off and I promise it’s for a good reason.” Marco shot Jean a look that said ‘it had better be’ before continuing. “I think you should come in today. You’ll see when you get here.”

 

 

Eren tried his best to stay on high alert, but he’d skipped breakfast to get to the café as quickly as possible and it showed. Eventually he allowed Armin to convince him to eat, trudging over to the counter and ordering a few pastries and a hot chocolate.

At least the service was friendly with Marco on shift.

Even if the freckled barista did seem to be giving Eren odd looks today – like he knew something Eren didn’t.

And there was the paranoia again, just wonderful.

Eren took a seat in the booths, nursing the bag he’d brought with him. The items inside seemed more and more stupid and useless the more Eren thought about it, but he couldn’t bring himself to let the bag get far out of his reach.

The longer he sat there, the worse it got. But Eren found himself recalling things, gradually, from the night before. Maybe it was because he’d been in the café then and it was jogging his memory now, maybe not. Eren remembered stumbling into the kitchen, seeing Levi. He remembered being sat down. Levi had had his stern voice on, trying to keep Eren from walking around and tripping over himself no doubt, but Eren didn’t pay a lot of attention to orders given to him when he was inebriated. Drunk Eren got an idea into his head and ran with it.

Or in this case, stumbled with it.

Eren startled at his own memory when he realised Levi hadn’t even started their marathon make-out session out the back. That had been all Eren’s doing, he remembered it.

Note to self: never _ever_ drink again.

Although the more Eren thought about their activities in the kitchen, the more Eren wished he could be doing something like that right now. If he and Levi had been getting on so well last night, maybe they could again?

Yeah right, Eren’s brain supplied unhelpfully.

The spawn of hell knew where he lived. There wasn’t really much that Eren could do if Levi did decide to come for his soul…although maybe that wouldn’t be so bad.

Eren’s eyes widened a little before he scowled at the traitorous direction his brain was taking every thought. It dove directly into the gutter and practically rolled in filth. Not that it was difficult to get to that point, not when Eren’s brain kept jumping back to Levi in that damned outfit. Eren wondered if he still had it? If it survived the process of Levi having to get out of it, and sweet sin that was not something Eren should let himself think about for too long.

Eren aimed a glare at the tabletop, wishing that his mind would _make up it’s mind_ for fuck’s sake. Was he afraid of Levi or did he want to get in Levi’s pants?

Both, always both.

Even flirting with the raven was an exercise in courage.

And Eren wasn’t feeling particularly brave today.

“You’re thinking pretty hard.” Armin observed from across the table.

Eren’s eyes flicked up, losing their glower, and he was surprised that Armin was even still here.

The blonde had come along, as had Jean, with the intentions of watching the inevitable drama unfold. Now that they had been there with no incidents for about half an hour, though, Armin had lost his gleeful expression. Now he just looked worried.

Armin never stopped scheming, though, and Eren could see the cogs turning even while Armin tried to comfort his friend.

Unsurprisingly, Armin had nothing.

So he played the patient friend, asking if Eren was okay, promising to keep a lookout while Eren slumped against the table and wallowed in his own confusion.

 

 

Levi had intended to sleep in today. Hanji had called him in at four in the morning to help clean up the café for service later that morning and, while Levi was miraculously not on shift, he had to help pack away all of the Halloween decorations. Hanji let him take home a bunch of leftover food from the fridges out back and Levi had shamelessly eaten a plethora of cakes for breakfast before passing out at around six.

The clock on his nightstand read 9:30AM when Levi’s phone started to ring, and he scowled murderously at his ceiling.

Whoever this was, he hoped they’d made their peace with life because he was going to _end them_.

But the contact name read Marco. The kid was practically exempt from Levi’s wrath, after all Levi only had these whole days off now thanks to Marco taking on shifts at the café. And so it was with minimal threats of death that he answered his mobile, head still heavy from waking.

“What on God’s earth do you want, freckles?”

_“Levi? It’s Marco-”_

“Cut to the chase.” Levi cut him off, not in the mood for small talk or niceties. “Someone had better be dying or I’ll have to fix that. I’m not meant to be on call today.”

_“Yes I know it’s your day off and I promise it’s for a good reason.”_

Levi highly doubted that.

“For your sake, I hope that’s true.”

Marco paused only for a moment, clearly picking his words carefully. Levi didn’t think it was for his sake, there was probably a chance of him being overheard. Heck, maybe Hanji was in, who knew?

_“I think you should come in today.”_

Levi felt his brows pull together, the action causing a slow throb to start in his head. He definitely hadn’t gotten enough sleep last night.

“What the hell for?” Levi demanded.

Like hell he was leaving his room without incentive. Like a thousand dollars. Or one Eren Jaeger gift-wrapped in a box outside his flat, yep that would get him moving pretty quickly.

_“You’ll see when you get here.”_

Well that had to mean one thing – Eren. And that was close enough to Levi’s gift-wrap daydream…dammit.

“Sure, fine. I’ll be there.”

Marco hung up not long after and Levi let go of a long groan, saying goodbye to his free day, and hauled himself out of bed.

He wasn’t going anywhere without a shower, although he spent a lot longer under the scalding spray than usual. Levi blamed the previous night. All that handling of dusty ornaments, the dancing, the sweat that was unavoidable in his chosen costume – it all added up to one gross feeling. Levi was determined to wash off all traces of foulness before he even considered going outside.

And if Eren was waiting on him, then let the kid fret.

He could have called. Could have texted like a normal person. But no, instead he’d gotten himself worked up enough to ambush poor Marco at work and do the dirty work for him. Little shit. Levi would have a word or two to say when he got there.

Only when he’d started to prune a bit did Levi exit the shower, warm and groggy from steam. He felt a lot better, though tonight would definitely be an early night for the raven. He’d need more than tea to get him through today without face-planting from weariness.

Good thing he was going to a café, then.

Levi toned down the bitterness a little and considered why he was going in. It had to be about Eren. Which meant he was going to see Eren. Which meant he probably shouldn’t be a slob about it…and that sucked a little because turning up in his pyjamas would have been priceless. But no, he wanted to impress. Or at least attempt to look decent.

Levi rifled through his wardrobe, scowling at everything with a critical eye.

What said hot but casual, he wondered.

Almost immediately Levi realised he was already trying too hard and he could have turned up in mis-matched Christmas garments and still managed to flirt the pants off Eren.

In the end, Levi altered his goal slightly. Hot but casual turned to hot but approachable, which was infinitely more difficult when you had a case of resting bitch face. So Levi picked out a dark shirt, black and long-sleeved. It was the softest thing he owned, and Levi knew it was probably the least formal he’d ever looked in front of Eren. Coupled with dark grey jeans and some sneakers (in case Eren bolted and he had to literally chase his ass down), Levi figured he was as ready as he’d ever be.

One last touch – he forewent his piercings, just for today. Eren didn’t need anymore reasons to be wary of him, and Levi hoped the twerp would come round.

Phone in his pocket, and his least murderous expression in place, Levi began the slow trudge to the café. He was already regretting the decision, feeling like every movement of his head was exaggerated. His eyes were heavy.

If Eren gave him shit today, Levi was fairly sure he wouldn’t be able to stay polite for long.

Levi wondered if spiteful making out was a thing that would work? Probably.

The café sign was in sight but Levi took his sweet time getting there. Maybe he was hoping that Eren would get bored and just…go home? Have his inevitable tantrum another day? But that was about as likely as the sun exploding for no reason. If Eren wanted to have this moment now, Levi could only let him.

They could regret it later, if it came to that.

Levi figured he probably wouldn’t punch Eren in the face if he continued being a complete idiot. He might punch him in the dick, though.

Even Eren, thick as he could be, wouldn’t mistake that for flirting.

The jingling of the entrance bell was far too cheerful and Levi scowled up at it before he headed for the counter.

Marco looked…anxious.

“Levi.” He greeted the raven when Levi was at the counter.

It was still strange not to be the one on the other side, but Levi wasn’t about to complain.

“I assume this is about Eren.” Levi didn’t phrase it like a question.

Marco’s gaze flicked over past Levi’s shoulder. He didn’t deny or confirm it, but Levi knew he was right. He turned, finding Eren almost immediately. The brunet was back near the café windows, slumped over in the booths, head resting on the table and his arms sprawled out. For all Levi knew, the kid could be asleep. Or just having an early-life crisis. The latter was far more likely, in Levi’s opinion.

Better get this over with, Levi though to himself.

He made his way over.

Probably a little too quietly, though Levi had already reached out a hand and touched Eren’s shoulder before he thought to make some noise. Too late now.

“Eren-” he started, but Levi never finished.

Eren jumped terribly in his seat and scrambled up, practically tumbling out of the booth as his head whipped around. Eren pulled a bag with him, holding it between himself and Levi like a shield.

The brunet’s gaze came into proper focus. He took one look at Levi and practically turned white.

A screech left Eren, the noise so high in pitch that it made Levi jump, and before he could even regain his composure Eren reached into the bag that hung from his shoulders. Eren tore a spray bottle out of said bag and squeezed the lever madly, sending a shock of cold mist over Levi. The water tasted stale and normally Levi would have been disgusted at having gotten foreign liquids in his mouth, but his brain snapped the flailing puzzle pieces into place.

Holy water. Eren had sprayed him with fucking holy water.

It was just too much.

Eren was still spraying him when Levi tried to choke back the first laugh, but it was a pointless effort. He doubled over and let the laughter take him, unable to even spare a moment of disdain for how his laugh sounded. It was high and made him sound so young, but Levi just let the noise fill the shop.

Evidently Levi laughing was the final sign that hell had frozen over, as Eren took off. He literally ran past Levi, screaming fearful nonsense as he booked it the hell out of the store, and Levi was still laughing long after the café door swung shut in Eren Jaeger’s wake.

The café was caught in an odd kind of scenario – silence from the patrons, and pealing laughter from Levi. He leaned heavily on an  empty table, unable to stop shaking.

More moisture ran down Levi’s face, and he realised he’d laughed so hard that he was crying.

Now that had never happened before.

Marco had come over by that point, offering tissues and concerned stares. Naturally seeing Levi doubled over and practically sobbing by now was a cause for concern, and Levi didn’t wave him away. He probably looked awful, eyes wet and reddened from the sudden mirthful tears, still fighting back giggles and sniffles alike.

“Are you…” Marco had to pause, just taking the situation in, “are you okay?”

Levi felt himself smile, watching Marco’s brows shoot up in response.

“Ah, never better.” He rasped, reaching for the tissues Marco held out to him and nodding his thanks. “I don’t suppose you could get that twerp back in here? It’s about time we talked things over.”

Marco raised just one brow this time, though he looked cheeky.

“I’ll see what I can do, your Evilness.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well I've officially reached the end of all the chapters catering to the original prompt, so the rest is just me rolling with the ship stuff. Onwards, to romance!


	14. An Unconventional Unveiling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year and I hope this makes your day!

 

As it turned out, Eren was a damned fast sprinter when he was driven by irrational terror. Levi figured after waiting for half an hour that he wouldn’t be getting a chance to chat with Eren that day, so he farewelled Marco and headed for home.

Levi had just made it inside again when his mobile went off, still sitting on the nightstand plugged in and charging.

He hadn’t even remembered to take it with him. Whoops.

The whole phone thing was still new, and Levi didn’t text many people. Well, besides Eren. Though that hadn’t happened much in the recent days.

Levi was hopeful as he slipped off his shoes, padding over to retrieve the mobile. His hope spiked a little at the contact name displayed onscreen when the raven unplugged the charger, causing the screen to light up. It informed him of one new message delivered only minutes ago. The sender – Eren. Well, technically it still said Brat. After the day’s antics, Levi wasn’t inclined to edit the contact name; it was astonishingly apt.

He opened the message, frowning immediately.

 

**[Brat]**

Mission failure: Eren’s in his room with no signs of coming out ever apparently.

 

Weird. Levi was entirely sure that Eren wasn’t the sort to talk about himself in the third person, so then who had his phone?

He thumbed a message, asking that same thought.

 

**[Levi]**

If Eren’s in his room, who’s this?

 

Levi fell back onto his mattress as he hit send, contemplating more sleep. He’d never be able to fall asleep properly now that he’d been walking around, not to mention getting a face-ful of water. That was, unsurprisingly, a very good way to wake someone up. Levi didn’t even feel sleepy anymore and he let out a defeated groan, surrendering the idea of a potential morning snooze.

Well that part of his day off was spoiled, but Levi supposed he could still clean.

There was last night’s costume to wash. Somehow. Levi was considering taking it to the dry-cleaners and seeing if they could handle it, or at least have some recommendations. The getup was too good to even consider throwing away. At this point, Levi wouldn’t even mind if he had to scrub every damned scale of that outfit with a toothbrush if it meant getting it clean without subsequently falling to pieces. Then there was the subtle glitter that Levi was still finding all over himself. No matter how much he’d scrubbed, the damned sparkly stuff never seemed to leave him entirely. Levi was doomed to sparkle without warning for the next week or so, he was sure.

Stupid glitter. Levi should never have let Hanji talk him into wearing the stuff. It was a shiny, inescapable nightmare.

Worth it, though.

Levi smiled a tiny smile, which turned into an incredulous laugh when he thought of how quickly things had gone south today. Come to think of it, that had probably been Eren’s breaking point. Hopefully the twerp got all that nonsense out of his system with that bizarre attack on Levi’s supposed demonhood.

Enough games in that department. The only game that Levi wanted to play was one that would land him in Eren Jaeger’s good books. Then, hopefully, his pants. With copious, outrageous amounts of flirting along the way.

Levi’s phone buzzed again at last and he glanced at it, squinting at the several messages that appeared in quick succession.

 

**[Brat]**

Oh right.

**[Brat]**

Jean here.

**[Brat]**

I got Eren’s phone, but not the idiot himself. Alas. He’s a slippery little fucker.

**[Brat]**

Eren’s locked himself in his room.

**[Brat]**

Don’t worry. I’m a professional disturber of Eren’s peace. He’ll be at the café tomorrow if I have to drag his ass there.

 

So Eren was hiding out in his room for the day? Levi felt a little disappointed, but he was sure that Eren’s friends wouldn’t let the brunet play hermit for long. The kids seemed more determined to get the two of them together than Levi was and having allies in this mess was actually kind of nice.

 

**[Levi]**

Good luck.

 

Jean didn’t bother him much other than to deliver a promise that they’d have Eren at the café the next day. How they were going to manage that, though, Jean didn’t say.

Levi didn’t ask. He called Erwin instead and got handed over to Hanji. This wasn’t the first incident of its kind. Hanji was notorious for abusing personal contact details, although often with good intentions. Pep talks and the like. Still, Levi found it was safer to just call through Erwin’s phone; he didn’t want the crazed brunette to have his number and send him memes and motivational kitten pictures all the live long day.

Hanji laughed at his story for a good few minutes. Levi didn’t blame her. It was a pretty ridiculous tale: boy meets boy, spooks ensue, cue holy water to the face. Levi had laughed while it was happening, he wasn’t surprised that his boss would laugh at him now.

But Hanji informed him through her tears of laughter that she would cover his shift tomorrow. Not surprising, really. Of course Hanji would be eager to cover for him, it would give her front row seats to whatever went down between him and Eren.

If Eren even showed up.

Levi still had his doubts, but he went to bed hopeful.

He woke early, and almost decided against going to the café immediately. Considering yesterday’s events, Levi figured it would be best to avoid any more ‘sneaking up on Eren’ incidents. They didn’t tend to end well. A quick shower was all the raven needed. Breakfast could be acquired at the café itself, and Levi could think over what he actually wanted to say to Eren. If Eren took off again, Levi wouldn’t be letting him get away so easily.

He left the house in sneakers and looser clothes, ready for whatever Eren would throw his way.

 

 

Eren Jaeger had been ambushed.

Mikasa was the only one in the house who knew the secret to unlocking Eren’s door, namely wedging a butterknife in the pressure latch and lifting at the right moment. He _knew_ it was her who’d let Jean into his room that morning. The ravenette hadn’t even looked sorry while Eren had scrambled through the house, surprisingly full of various friends, trying to evade their grabbing hands.

But he had no real room to run and, unsurprisingly, they got him.

“You’re going to the café, Eren.” Armin had said, dusting himself off after the last scuffle. “Don’t fight it.”

Annie had a hold of Eren’s wrist in case he tried to make a break for it, and Mikasa hauled Eren up off the floor. Eren scowled over his shoulder at Jean and Armin, heck even Connie had showed up for this.

They’d brought in the big guns to win this fight.

Eren was marched to the bathroom, herded by Annie and Mikasa’s combined effort, but he didn’t go quietly.

“Why are you all so determined about this?” Eren glared, demanding answers. “You’re handing me over to die, you know that? Armin?”

The bathroom door shut in his face and he was told not to dawdle. Eren had half a mind to take his time, just to spite them all, but Jean called various threats through the door. Nothing sinister. Just a whole lot of promises that Eren being naked wouldn’t stop them from dragging his sorry ass out the front door. It was up to Eren how clothed he would be when they left.

He had twenty minutes to wash up and get dressed.

“You can eat when you get there.” Connie called through the door, sounding surprisingly stern. “Even Sasha is waiting for breakfast, don’t make her suffer!”

With the guilt laid on heavy, Eren rushed through a hot shower cursing under his breath. Barely dry, Eren wrapped a towel around his waist and barged his way grumpily out of the bathroom, spitefully flicking water into Jean’s face as he passed.

Eren shoved off the flurry of hands that tried to steer him to his room.

“I know, I get it.” He grumbled.

Running was no longer an option, and there was no room for panic if Eren only thought about the current hassle his friends were putting him through. The destination of their efforts was far from his mind. Eren slammed his door, but didn’t bother locking it. That would only aggravate the swarm of pestering friends outside and he didn’t need them breaking into his room again while he was trying to get changed.

Eren ran his towel over his hair just enough that it wasn’t dripping everywhere, then tossed it aside and yanked open his drawers.

What to wear to his own potential sacrificial ceremony, Eren wondered bleakly.

Pants were easy enough to find. Eren just needed a shirt. He rifled through his options, eyes landing on an old favourite. A navy sweatshirt, more than a little worn. The reference was vague but extraordinarily appropriate, ‘don’t panic’ written in bold, yellow font.

Perfect. Maybe Levi would get a kick out of this before he ate Eren alive?

Jean laughed the whole way through the house when Eren stomped out of his room.

“Stellar choice, dude.” Jean snickered, tugging the sleeve of Eren’s shirt as he passed by to get to the front door.

Everyone was annoyingly determined to choose Eren’s path for the day, but he didn’t have much choice so he went with it. Mikasa linked arms with Eren and held his wrist the whole way. It might have been sweet if Eren didn’t know she was only doing it in case he tried to make a break for it. Eren was led down the street by a whole pack of his friends. Sasha led the way, held back at street crossings by the ever-watchful Connie. Armin followed them, chatting with Annie. Both blondes kept glancing back at Eren, looking for any fidgeting or flightiness. Eren just scowled. Jean wouldn’t shut up the whole way, striding alongside Eren and poking fun at him in that slightly-mean-but-good-natured way of his.

And Mikasa didn’t say a word. She just kept an eye on things, her mouth set in that tiny, almost smile that Eren recognised to be much more significant than it looked. Mikasa had a good feeling about today.

So, despite his growing wariness, Eren vowed to see things through.

Whatever those things turned out to be.

The café grew closer and Eren didn’t get much of a chance to prepare himself to go inside. He was tugged through the door by Mikasa, the pair of them spilling into the little shop with their friends. Mikasa let Eren go the minute they were indoors and Eren found himself caught briefly in a cool stare she aimed his way. It was up to him now what happened. If he ran, she wasn’t about to go after him.

The gang had gotten him here, but whatever happened next was entirely up to Eren.

His friends had practically stampeded their way to the counter and Eren closed his eyes, taking a deep breath to brace himself. He spared a glance for the door, but turned away from it quickly. He could do this. Maybe. Probably not.

Squeezing his hands into tense fists, Eren risked a glance at the counter and found…Marco. Again.

Also Hanji.

She spotted him, too, and all but dove over the counter to come and say hello, leaving Marco to deal with the influx of orders from his friends. The freckled saint, indeed. He had that patient smile, listening to Sasha order half of the food on display like that wasn’t a strange thing at all, already listening to the other requests while he got started with Sasha’s mountain of breakfast pastries.

“Eren!” Hanji appeared in his face and Eren found himself actually off the ground when she hugged him. He wheezed a hello, coughing a little when she set him back down. “I was told you might come in today. You haven’t been ignoring my little gremlin, have you?”

Eren’s mouth pulled down to one side with guilt and he glanced at the floor.

“Maybe a little.”

A disappointed noise left Hanji at that, though she didn’t seem surprised. “Even urchins like Levi have feelings, Eren.”

“Sorry Miss Hanji.”

Hanji let go of a loud laugh, making Eren jump, and she slung an arm around his shoulders.

“Kiddo, I’m not the one who needs an apology. I don’t think Levi’s expecting one, though, so just be patient with him and everything will be alright.”

“Is he…” Eren gulped, “is he here?”

Hanji’s eyes snapped over Eren’s shoulder and she smiled a little more normally. Her gaze returned to Eren, regaining a little of that humourous spark.

“Is the Pope Catholic?” She snorted, grabbing Eren’s shoulders and turning him on the spot.

And there he was, the source of ninety percent of Eren’s stress (and one hundred percent the cause of some mortifying dreams), sitting in a booth by the windows. Eren saw the tail end of Levi glancing away. The raven directed his gaze down at a plate of food, pulling a croissant into little strips.

Eren stumbled forwards a little when Hanji gave him a shove of encouragement and he turned to shoot her a lost look.

The brunette snorted at Eren, all wide eyes and fidgeting hands. She leaned closer.

“Word of advice: don’t run.” Hanji murmured by his ear. “He’s lethal over short distances.

With a poorly stifled wheeze of amusement, Hanji returned to the counter and left Eren to wring his hands and fight back panic. His eyes snapped down to Levi’s feet under the table. Sneakers. Huh, Levi was actually expecting a chase this time.

Eren didn’t blame him.

Levi knew he was being stared at, his mouth quirking up just a fraction on one side, but he didn’t look at Eren. Probably didn’t want to risk spooking him.

Eren appreciated that.

Aware of how ridiculous he looked, Eren edged his way over step by tiny step. Every inch gained was progress. Slow progress. Eren was sure people were staring by now but he couldn’t make himself look away from Levi. If he glanced away now and Levi moved, Eren was sure he’d straight up wet his pants, he was so high-strung. Eren almost chickened out and turned around at one point, and consequently ended up rushing the rest of the way. He practically fell into the seat across from Levi, utterly graceless, and banged his knee against the table in the process. Levi valiantly swallowed his amusement before it could turn into laughter. He let Eren cuss and right himself without comment, just eating in silence and sipping tea from one of the café mugs.

Eren sat up straight, almost painfully tense.

He had absolutely no idea what to say or do and ended up clasping his hands together and resting them against the table like some business interview. He probably looked ridiculous. No, scratch that, Eren knew he looked ridiculous – wide eyed and so tense he was almost shaking. He tried to calm down, but it wasn’t much use.

Better get this over with.

Eren opened his mouth, not a clue what might come out, but Levi looked up at him then. Any words Eren might have said died on his tongue and Eren was left a little slack-jawed while Levi’s gaze rolled over him. Levi lingered on the shirt and huffed a laugh. Well at least Eren had made Satan smile, mission accomplished he guessed.

“If your eyes open any wider they might fall out.” Levi muttered.

Eren gave himself a moment to be horrified by that imagery. He barely flinched when Levi started to lean over the table, but Levi only pushed up under his chin to close Eren’s mouth for him. He hadn’t even realised it had still been hanging open.

Levi mirrored Eren’s pose, clasping his hands and setting them against the table in front of him. The raven took a little breath and met Eren’s eyes. He held Eren’s wary gaze as he spoke.

“Eren. I’m just a guy. Not Satan, not even a generic demon.” Levi spread his hands in gesture to himself. “What you see is what you get, plus attitude. Got it? Any of that make it through your thick skull?”

Eren felt his eyes narrow and he squinted suspiciously at the raven across from him. Levi’s tone seemed honest. And really, the more Eren looked at him the less Levi looked like a demon. What kind of demon dressed in leggings anyway? What kind of Levi dressed in leggings, come to think of it?

As if sensing Eren’s doubt, Levi gave a sigh, exasperated.

“Do you remember any of what happened at the party?” Levi asked.

Eren nodded, but he figured a verbal response would be more appreciated. “Most of it. All the…important bits.”

Levi perked up noticeably at that. “Good. Then think about it. If my master plan was to eat your soul or whatever nonsense you’re worried about, I would have done it in the kitchen. No witnesses.”

Eren frowned at the table.

“One witness.” He grumbled. “Armin’s good with blackmail.”

Levi smothered a laugh. “God bless that kid. But I’ll pester him for details later. Eren,” Levi waited until he had Eren’s attention, and the raven’s frustration was gentler than Eren expected, “can we get over this now, or are you going to take off again? I’ll warn you, I will tackle your ass if I have to.”

Eren bristled. “If you could catch me.”

He remembered Hanji’s advice as Levi’s expression flickered with something almost keen.

“I’ll warn you,” Levi murmured, “I’m faster than I look.”

Levi already looked fast.

Eren gulped. “And lethal over short distances.” He mumbled, echoing Hanji’s warning from earlier in a voice meant only for himself.

But Levi heard him anyway.

The raven glowered a little. “Was that a short joke?”

Eren’s eyes bugged and he flailed a little. “N-No! No, I swear!”

Eren wasn’t that stupid, he didn’t have a death wish.

Levi’s glare eased off into irritation and he scowled towards the counter, probably at Hanji. She’d probably made the same comment to Levi in person. Likely on more than one occasion.

“So…” Eren picked at the table edge, just barely meeting Levi’s gaze, “…are we…are we okay? Are we good?”

“You mean are you going to make it out of here alive?” Levi drawled. He scoffed before Eren could look too worried. “Sure. I guess. This was the crummiest making up of the century, but you didn’t shit yourself on the spot so I’ll count it as a win.”

Eren grimaced, but he couldn’t argue.

The interaction had been far from graceful on both their parts, but maybe Levi wouldn’t terrorise him from now on and that would be nice. Maybe. Eren could deal with things being kind of normal. Whatever Levi’s version of normal was. Maybe he’d just pick on Eren the way he did with the rest of the customers now? Or maybe he wouldn’t bother him at all?

Eren knew exactly why his chest felt hollow at that thought.

“You look like Christmas just got cancelled, yikes.” Levi commented. “It’s not me, right? I haven’t even said anything.”

“What’s going to happen now?” Eren found himself asking before he figured out if it would be better to just close his mouth and walk away. Too late now, though. Levi was looking at him funny and Eren winced but continued. “You and me, I mean?”

Eren watched Levi’s eyebrows rise up slowly, the raven’s eyes possibly the widest Eren had ever seen them get.

“What do you want to happen?” Levi asked, looking very interested in hearing Eren’s answer.

That was a complicated question, as much as it wasn’t. What Eren really wanted was to kiss Levi without having to down half a bowl of punch first, though he didn’t quite have the guts to try it. Maybe that was moving a bit too fast? They could start out much slower. If Eren could just figure out how in the hell to ask something like that.

He’d never be able to form the words.

Eren made a hopeless sound and slumped against the table, thunking his head against the surface.

“What are you doing tonight?” Levi asked then, and it felt like he’d come to Eren’s rescue there.

Eren tilted his head to the side, peeking across at the waiting raven. There was nothing in Levi’s expression that made Eren feel pressured to answer, just endless patience. Levi looked ready to wait for years if he had to.

“I don’t know.” Eren said. “Not much, I don’t think.”

“Do you want to do something? Tonight. With me, just to clarify. Nothing too intense just…hanging out or whatever.”

Eren felt his heart picking up its pace at the thought, thumping obnoxiously in his chest.

“Um. Yes? Thank you.” Eren wished he could disappear, or become less awkward, but neither of those things happened.

Levi looked like he wanted to laugh, but somehow Eren wasn’t offended.

“Well alright then. I’ll find something for us to do and text you with details.” Levi said, and he stood. “Sound alright?”

Eren watched him slide out of the booth and come to stand by Eren, the brunet blinking owlishly up at him.

“Uh-huh.”

Levi smirked at him, reaching out and ruffling Eren’s hair before he left.

Eren stared after him, bemused. He’d honestly thought things would have gone a lot worse, but there he sat. Alive and not eaten. Soul intact and not signed over to some dark entity for all of eternity.

What were the odds?

Eren barely noticed the sudden swarm of his friends practically slamming into him, all laughter and teasing questions.

After a minute, Eren blinked at the many faces waiting for him to speak.

“Well?” It was Annie, of all people, who finally prompted him.

The others waited, practically buzzing.

Eren blinked again. “I think I’ve got a date.”

 

 

It was around three o’clock when Eren finally heard back from Levi. The brunet was laid out on his bed, rolling around every few minutes to dispel the anxious butterflies building in his gut. It wasn’t working.

When his phone went off, Eren wasn’t sure if he was eager for it to be Levi, or dreading that it would be Levi. Just what had the raven come up with?

He unlocked his phone and glanced at the message.

 

**[Levi]**

Did you get your phone back, or is this still Jean?

 

Eren forgot about Jean stealing his phone, that traitor. And he’d talked to Levi of all people, of course he had. Eren made a mental note to throttle Jean later and thumbed out a few, rapid-fire responses before he thought about what he might say.

He was far from smooth.

 

**[Jaegerwafer]**

its me

**[Jagerwafer]**

Eren that is

**[Jaegerwafer]**

hi

 

Eren groaned at his own utter lack of eloquence and flopped face first onto his pillow.

His phone buzzed again quickly.

 

**[Levi]**

Definitely Eren, good. How would you like to see a movie tonight? 7PM?

**[Jaegerwafer]**

like a dvd or the cinema??

**[Jaegerwafer]**

u probably mean the cinema but i'd prefer to be sure

**[Levi]**

Yes, the cinema. You do understand that this is me asking YOU, Eren Jaeger, to go see a movie.

**[Levi]**

Tonight.

**[Levi]**

At seven.

**[Levi]**

With me. Please tell me that makes sense. I can’t make it any simpler. I’ll buy your ticket and popcorn and whatever other snack bar filth you want to stick in your mouth.

 

That seemed incredibly generous. Eren almost felt bad, but it wasn’t like he had made Levi offer to do all of that. It seemed so odd that Levi could actually be nice. Sweet, even.

What the hell had Eren done to dig up this side of the raven?

Eren barely knew how to respond. He typed out various thank yous but it never quite sounded right and he didn’t want to have to try so hard.

In the end, Eren just said yes.

 

**[Jaegerwafer]**

sure yes a movie sounds fine

**[Jaegerwafer]**

what movie?

**[Levi]**

I’ll tell you when we get there.

**[Jaegerwafer]**

y do i have a bad feeling about this?

**[Jaegerwafer]**

Levi?

**[Jaegerwafer]**

Levi dont be like this

 

Eren didn’t get a response for several long minutes, but by then he was pretty sure he’d figured out Levi’s little scheme.

“Son of a bitch.”

 

**[Jaegerwafer]**

it’s a goddamned horror movie isnt it

**[Jaegerwafer]**

nope

**[Jaegerwafer]**

im not going and u cant make me

**[Levi]**

I’ll pick you up at six thirty, twerp.

**[Jaegerwafer]**

i hate u

**[Levi]**

Sure you do.

**[Jaegerwafer]**

meanie

**[Levi]**

Cutie.

 

Eren stared at the single worded text for a long, long time, feeling his face growing hot. He buried his head under his pillow after receiving that last message.

It was a long time before he could stop blushing.

“I’m so doomed.” Eren mumbled to himself.

For the first time ever, Eren was sure that was a good thing.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New Year's Day gift (at least hear in Aus), and I'll try to get more chapters done for this fic during the week since I'll be out of action from the 9th till the 14th of January. So I'll try to make up for that with a bunch of updates beforehand!
> 
> Have a great new year everyone! Thanks for all the support last year, and for sticking with me even though I'm the actual worst, _you_ guys are the best and you make me try _my_ best o_o I love you all, stay safe, stay awesome  <3


	15. A Date With The Devil pt1

 

“You know standing around is the opposite of helpful, yes?”

Eren stood in front of his mirror, his face twisted with uncertainty. After a lot of complaining to his friends about Levi’s supposed evil plans, he’d ended up getting ready to go out anyway. There was no way that any of the housemates would allow Eren to back out of a date now that one had finally been agreed to. Eren’s friends were more invested in this whole ordeal than Eren was. Probably. So, with some reluctance, Eren had decided to go.

The only problem now was what to wear.

He’d already dug out some of his nicest clothes, but even that wasn’t saying a whole lot. When Eren had asked Jean if he’d looked ‘too fancy’, the ashbrown had been less than helpful.

“A button-down shirt doesn’t automatically count as fancy, dumbass.” Jean had left with a snort, leaving Eren to scowl at himself in the mirror.

He had yet to move, although the agitated look had morphed into worry.

Slacks had seemed a bit too formal, he wasn’t trying _that_ hard, so jeans were the next best option. Eren was pretty sure he’d never worn jeans with a button-down on purpose in his life, ever. What even was this look? Business casual? What did people wear on dates? Did this even count as a date to Levi?

Did it count as a date to Eren? With a start, he realised it did. It absolutely did.

Maybe he wasn’t trying too hard, then? And at least the converse didn’t seem like such a bad choice anymore. Not too casual. If Eren could just believe all that, then maybe he could get his stupid feet to move and actually leave this room before he made himself late.

In yet another bout of frustration, Eren shucked his shirt and switched it out for a blue flannel. They were going to the cinema. There was no way to mess that up, other than dressing up to the nines for no good reason. Besides…this shirt still had buttons. It was infinitely less formal, though, and immediately Eren felt less stifled. There was no urge to put on a tie. Most importantly, Eren didn’t feel like he’d instantly sweat through his shirt anymore.

“I doubt Levi’s expecting you to dress up at all.” Mikasa said.

She’d appeared from nowhere and Eren nearly jumped clean out of his skin. He whipped around to glare at her, but Mikasa looked so proud that his words of complaint shrivelled and died on Eren’s tongue. Mikasa ruffled his hair and fixed his collar. Lastly, she turned him back to face the mirror and he was met with his own, uncertain expression, and her fond one staring back at him.

“You look fine, dummy.”

Eren put an arm around her waist in a half-hug. “Thanks, Mikasa.”

She hugged him around the middle, a gesture that he returned with an arm slung over her shoulder. Sometimes Eren forgot that his friends, while nosey busybodies, actually had his back. Especially where it counted. Like in the romance department. Eren had just…not really been interested much before. Not until he’d been terrorised by a barista for long enough that Eren ended up paying attention on his own.

Eren was still trying to decide whether or not it was worth the years Levi had scared off his lifespan.

Eren caught Mikasa’s gaze in the mirror and made a face.

“Is this a terrible idea?” He asked.

Mikasa scoffed at him, smacking Eren’s shoulder as she stepped back. “Only you can decide that.” Mikasa said, turning to go. “You better get out of here, though.”

“I know, I know.” Eren heaved a sigh.

“Don’t be late, have fun,” Mikasa paused at the doorway, “and no sex on the first date.”

Eren groaned, but it got him out of the house faster than anything else. He waved Mikasa off, mortified. Eren barely paused long enough to grab a hoodie from his bed, he was in such a hurry to not look Mikasa in the eye after a comment like that. His face was still hot for a whole block after escaping the house.

And then he was on his way, which was potentially more worrying than remaining in the house to be ridiculed and relentlessly teased by his friends.

Once he was actually heading for the cinema, Eren did feel better. He pushed his apprehension down. There was…well, a lot to be nervous about but hopefully nothing that warranted actual fear. Levi had said he wouldn’t put Eren through hell anymore. Something told Eren that Levi actually meant it, and hadn’t just said so to get away with the pun. Levi had offered to come and get Eren himself and they could walk together to the cinema. It would have been romantic, he’d said. Eren had flat out declined. Oh no. Hell no and no thank you, sir. If Levi was going to take him to some spooky movie and poke fun all night, then he could wait on Eren to take his sweet time.

Neither of them had a car, but the weather was playing nice. Walking was an option.

Levi was standing in the parking lot with his back turned so that the sun was out of his eyes when Eren arrived. It didn’t look like Levi had just showed up, either. He really must have been eager, Eren thought. It made him feel bad for taking his time getting there, though that had been out of wariness. Eren didn’t want to sabotage his own date. He just…wasn’t sure what to expect. In general, or from Levi. Still, Eren felt a bit better about the whole thing when he walked up to the raven. Eren tapped Levi on the shoulder, just gently, but he still watched as Levi startled and jumped in surprise.

Levi turned, grey eyes just a little wider than usual, and he regained his composure quickly. Eren noticed that Levi had a some of his metal in again. Somehow it wasn’t quite as intimidating this time around, though that might have had something to do with the fact that Eren had seen Levi dressed as an actual demon. Watching Levi wet his lips a touch anxiously, Eren spotted a glint of silver on his tongue.

Scandalously, he wondered what that would taste like.

“I was honestly sure you wouldn’t come along.” Levi said finally when they’d done nothing but stand there, just shy of defensive.

Eren felt himself smile. “Hey.”

“Hi.” Levi replied, his eyes flicking quickly up and down in appraisal. “I like your shirt.”

Eren felt his face get a little warm and he ducked his head to hide it. “Thanks.”

“Mostly because it’s on you.” Levi clarified, a cheeky light in his eyes. “Never pictured you as the wannabe lumberjack type, but then again who doesn’t love a pretty man in plaid?”

The flush spread down past Eren’s neck and he brought a hand up to rub at his nape, head ducking as mortification settled in.

Levi’s method of complimenting was just as straightforward as the rest of his personality.

“Th-Thanks.” Eren buried his face in his hands, willing the blush away.

So far so terrible, Eren thought. He could hardly look Levi in the eye for more than a second without his face catching on metaphorical fire. But at least Levi didn’t think he looked dumb. Eren heard Levi chuckle right before there was a hand in his hair.

“I got your ticket, goofball.” Levi announced.

Said ticket was held out near Eren’s face when the brunet risked peeking out from behind his hands. He took the ticket with mumbled thanks, but didn’t get time to read it. Levi took advantage of Eren’s distraction and snagged a hold of one of his arms. The raven linked their arms and from that point Eren just focused on keeping his legs from shaking while Levi led the way.

“You know if you’d turned up on time, we could’ve gotten an actual meal.”

Eren had his head ducked so far he was pretty much just staring at his shoes by now.

“Sorry.” He mumbled.

Levi really didn’t need the whole almost-got-cold-feet story.

“Don’t be.” Levi said, a tiny upturn curving his mouth when Eren glanced over in surprise. “You showed up and haven’t burst into tears so far, and that’s already more than I’d hoped for.”

Eren’s mouth pulled down in a displeased expression at the reminder that he was a grade A chicken shit most of the time where Levi was concerned. But he couldn’t argue against the comment.

And at least he’d managed to make Levi smile for once, without it being over something stupid.

It seemed pretty quiet inside, not a busy night. All the advertising screens were on, and somehow all the effort to look open made the place seem even more empty. The line at the candy bar had all of two people in it. Although the man at the front of said line seemed to be awfully indecisive if the cashier’s exasperated expression was any indication. It looked like there was only one cashier working, hence the holdup.

Wordlessly, they joined the back of the line.

Eren swallowed, probably audibly. He couldn’t think of a single thing to say, not even the usual stupid and thoughtless comments that got conversations going. Desperate for distraction, Eren pretended to be incredibly invested in reading his own ticket.

_7:00pm Sun 02/11/2017_

_1 Adult – $10.98_

_Sina Cinemas – Cinema 5_

That was when Eren actually saw the title of the film they were going to see.

_The Exorcist: Forbidden Bonds. MA15+_

Eren’s head whipped around to glare at Levi, only to find the raven biting the inside of his cheek. He was trying pretty hard not to laugh, which meant he knew that Eren had figured out the punchline of this little venture. That only made Eren glare harder.

“I’m not sorry.” Levi finally said, voice tight with the laughter he was still fighting back. Grey eyes flicked over to Eren finally, bright with humour. “I mean really, what did you expect?”

Eren didn’t think it was physically possible for him to scowl any harder without something actually catching on fire from the force of said scowl. On the one hand, this was not cool. On the other hand, this was absolutely and completely unsurprising. Finally Eren just sighed, dropping the glare. It was making his face hurt anyway. And really trying to glare at Levi was pointless. He’d mastered the murder look to the point that Eren wondered if Levi was simply born scowling and learned to mimic other human expressions over the years.

“Yeah no, I expected something along these lines.” Eren muttered. “Maybe a bit more actual real-life murder, though.”

Levi gave a mischievous smile. “Please, if anything that would be the finale. Dinner, movie, murder out back by the bins. It’s the perfect combo.”

Eren huffed, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his hoodie. “As long as I’m not the murder victim, I honestly don’t care by this point.”

“Aw, you’re finally warming up to my cold-hearted hobbies.” Levi bumped Eren with his shoulder, playful. “Thanks, babe.”

Eren retreated into his hoodie for the entirety of the trip to the candy bar after that last comment. Levi bought them popcorn and soda, and made Eren carried them. That way it was fair, according to the raven. Eren still thought he was getting the better end of the deal, having only had to carry an armload of snacks and drinks thus far.

When Levi held his wrist on the way in, Eren felt his face catch fire yet again. He only sighed.

They’d barely said anything to each other even as Eren slumped into a seat, staring at the screen as the previews started. Two other people had already taken seats down the front. Other than that, the theatre was full of empty seats.

“So…” Eren fiddled with a bit of his flannel sleeve, “is this supposed to be horror or romance?” he finally ventured to ask.

Levi just smiled to himself and pushed the popcorn Eren’s way.

Eren squinted. “It’s both, isn’t it? You brought me to a horror romance film and the exorcist is going to get it on with the evil spirits they’re supposed to go and obliterate, right?”

Levi let out a supremely unattractive snort. “Well it could have been a straight up horror movie.” He bit back a grin, probably for Eren’s sake. “Consider yourself lucky.”

“Unbelievable.” Eren said, before shaking his head. “Actually no. I absolutely believe that this is something your mind would come up with.”

“Hey, it could have been R-rated.” Levi shrugged, leaning against the armrest. “Then where would your poor naïve little heart have been, huh? Imagine sitting through two and a half hours of basically demon porn with a high-budget script. Now you can thank me for not putting you through that.”

Eren blinked hard, “…thank you?”

“That’s better.” Levi smirked, leaning a little closer. “Besides, I had a feeling you wouldn’t want to watch this movie. Why did you think I picked it?”

Eren wondered briefly if this was a test, though he still had leftover bitterness about the whole scaring him half to death nonsense.

“To torture me?” Eren asked dryly.

“I mean I was just going to kiss you stupid, but if you consider making out a form of torture, then sure.”

“Oh.” Eren said, his eyes getting a little wider. “O-Oh. Um.”

Levi let him flounder, clearly pleased with himself.

“See?” Levi smirked, tapping a finger against his temple. “I thought ahead. Spooky movie, non-spooky distraction. Sound good?”

“Yes, yes please.” Eren nodded stupidly.

He wasn’t even upset when Levi laughed at him.

They waited for the previews to end, at Levi’s insistence. The cinema was practically empty, with only a few other viewers walking in as adds and trailers played out onscreen. Apparently the film that would be playing had done really well, but it was almost out of theatres by now. Yet another reason why Levi had picked it. He’d been joking, mostly, with the choice of movie. The raven admitted that he probably would have tried to instigate some tongue-related shenanigans no matter what movie they’d ended up seeing.

Eren actually smiled at the admission.

His smile evaporated once the lights dimmed and an orchestral number started through the speakers. The title appeared, a modernised gothic font dripping rich crimson. A staff member did a brief walkthrough to make sure everything was in order. Barely. They walked back out and then suddenly Eren had a lap full of Levi.

The raven appeared without so much as a rustle of fabric and Eren was in no way ready. To his credit, though, Eren managed not to shout. He swallowed down a noise of alarm and blinked wide eyes up at an amused grey gaze.

“H-Hi.” Eren managed to whisper, immediately feeling like a moron.

“Hey.” Levi murmured back, apparently satisfied with staring down the flustered mess that was Eren in that moment.

Eren forced his hands to stop hovering, dropping them to Levi’s waist instead. That seemed to be the right decision. Levi readjusted his position, shifting armrests out of the way and getting comfortable. From there, Levi gave Eren a moment. To make a move, or simply to get his shit together, Eren wasn’t sure. Levi played with the collar of Eren’s shirt and Eren felt the brush of cool fingers against his neck, the digits much colder against his flushed skin.

Calm down, Eren told himself. He’s not going to eat you. Probably.

When Eren didn’t say or do anything, Levi bit back a laugh and just went for it.

Eren found his head guided to one side and teeth grazing his jaw. With the way Levi sucked at various patches of skin along his neck, Eren was pretty sure he was going to have hickeys. He didn’t mind at all.

By the time Levi remembered to ask if it was alright, Eren just nodded dumbly.

“Mhmm, s’good.” Eren mumbled, holding the raven a little tighter like he might move away.

Levi’s quiet laugh was fond and he finally, finally closed the distance between their mouths. It started soft, something gentle that Eren liked a lot, and he gave a happy little hum when Levi’s tongue slid into his mouth. Eren sucked and was rewarded with a quiet moan low in Levi’s throat. The presence of Levi’s barbell was interesting. Eren wasn’t immediately sure what to do with it, though Levi seemed more amused by his apprehension than anything else. He let Eren play, humming quietly whenever Eren did something he liked.

Eren was more hesitant to follow Levi’s retreating tongue into the raven’s mouth. Levi didn’t bite him, though, and cautiously Eren dipped his tongue inside. The music swelled dramatically and Eren was grateful for that, for Levi groaned against his lips when Eren slotted their mouths together better.

It was easy to get wrapped up in kissing Levi. There wasn’t a care in the world from the raven, he let his world boil down to his mouth on Eren’s and it wasn’t difficult to do the same. Eren got the feeling Levi might be a biter. Levi was gentle so far, nipping at Eren’s bottom lip before he’d suck it into his mouth. Between that and the hands in Eren’s hair, it was easy to lose the first hour of the movie.

His mouth felt a bit numb by that point, so they broke apart to catch their breath.

Onscreen, the resident clergyman endured various enticing dream scenarios in which he was seduced by a faceless spirit. Or maybe it was spirits? There was a barely discernible difference in behaviours in each new dream. Would the directors really get that racy? Well damn. Eren almost wished he had more context, but he could wait for the DVD release. Instead, he munched on the popcorn while Levi made up dialogue.

“I’ll never be with you.” Levi deadpanned, pausing only long enough to take a purposefully loud slurp of his soda. “That cape looks like it came directly from a sexy vampire cosplay. I would’ve thought the minions of Satan got more pocket money.”

Eren almost snorted popcorn out his nose.

“Nothing could top your sexy demon costume.” Eren murmured around a mouthful of popcorn.

Levi wrinkled his nose at the display, but he smirked at the glint in Eren’s eyes at the memory.

“It took so long to get into those pants, but seeing that look on your face makes it utterly worth it.” Levi poked Eren’s forehead to snap him out of his thoughts, smiling a little.

“And how did you go getting out of them?” Eren asked, rubbing his forehead.

Levi scoffed. “Don’t even talk to me about how I got out of the pants.”

“Could you keep it down back there?” A voice demanded loudly from somewhere down the front. “Some of us are trying to actually watch the movie, yeah?”

“What, all three of you?” Levi replied.

There were some giggles, decidedly feminine. Oh great, a mindless dudebro showing off for his ladyfriends, just what the evening didn’t order.

A handful of popcorn was thrown their way, only making it halfway up the seats between them.

“Keep it up, man.” The voice called back. “I got no problem throwing down right here.”

Levi only scoffed. “I’m game if you are.”

Eren frowned. That had gotten threatening real fast.

“Quit sucking dick back there before I get an employee to throw your asses out for indecency.”

Eren stiffened, expecting some righteous fury from Levi. The raven’s smirk looked decidedly mean when Eren side-eyed him and he felt like a line had been crossed.

“You know,” Levi started, and oh yeah he was definitely not happy with this jerk, “I’ve never been tempted to give someone a blowjob out of spite before, but you’re really pushing me towards that temptation. I might have been courteous about it before, quiet, conspicuous. You’ve really messed that up for yourself, haven’t you?”

Eren wasn’t sure if it would be a stupid idea to intervene. He didn’t get the chance to.

There was a creak and the ominous rhythm of heavy footsteps stomping up the aisle to get to them. Holy shit this guy was legitimately going to fight them right there. Eren steeled himself. His hands balled into fists, but Levi’s snort got Eren’s attention. The raven was standing and he scooted past Eren before the brunet could even question him.

Eren looked back towards the aisle just in time to see their would-be assailant. Levi stood near the end of the aisle, a barrier between Eren and this guy who definitely ate his Weet-Bix every morning.

There might have been some sort of banter. Eren wasn’t sure, his ears were ringing in what might have been a mixture of apprehension and anger at the knowledge that this man was actually going to fight Levi even despite the colossal height advantage.

Turns out, that didn’t matter.

Eren saw red after the first swing that was thrown, though it never connected. Levi was a lot more agile than even Eren would have assumed, merely waiting for the first punch to be thrown. He was probably kicking more ass than he needed to on his own. And then Eren slammed into the fray, furious at the attack, and Levi had twice as much on his plate – kicking major butt and keeping Eren’s butt out of harm’s way. Who would’ve known that Levi was such a good multitasker?

The next thing Eren knew they were all being kicked out of the cinema.

Levi hadn’t been interested in trying to explain the situation to the manager, so they left. The mood had soured, but Eren still wrapped an arm around Levi’s middle as they left, tucking the raven close. Lord knew Levi didn’t need anyone to take care of him.

“Assholes.” Levi muttered, pausing once they’d reached the carpark.

Eren stopped with him, dropping his arm. He didn’t move away, though, and they remained huddled together for a long moment just fuming in silence.

“No chance of a refund there.” Levi finally said, heaving a sigh. “Sorry about that. I’m not good at leaving well enough alone.”

Eren shrugged with one shoulder. “They started it, you just finished it. Jesus Christ, did you finish it. I’ve never seen someone get a black eye so fast.”

Levi’s lips turned down and he didn’t look happy about the comment. “I don’t often hit people, but when I do it’s usually only once.”

Eren nodded his agreement.

The fight had been brief, and Levi hadn’t really been fighting. He’d mostly been avoiding getting hit himself, waiting for his opponent to tire themselves out. Just a lot of blocking and evasion. But then Eren had run into the fray in a blind rage and things had gone south fast. Levi had been trying to steer Eren away from the fight, but he’d had to watch his own back too. Eren’s gut was tender from where he’d copped a blow after half-tackling their assailant. It had only been after that that Levi had honestly hit the guy.

Levi looked resigned, like he accepted what had happened, but he definitely wasn’t pleased about it. So much for a simple date.

“You weren’t kidding about slam dunking us into the bins that one time.” Eren said with a nervous laugh.

It was a pretty stupid comment, something that popped into Eren’s head with little warning and slipped out of his mouth before he could think to shut up. Levi glanced over at him, brows pulled together in confusion. Or maybe that look meant that he thought Eren was bonkers? It was hard to tell.

Finally, though, Levi huffed a quiet little laugh and shook his head.

“I don’t make threats that I can’t follow through with.” Levi said, shoving Eren’s shoulder half-heartedly. “The hardest bit would have been catching you before you Sonic’d your way to freedom.”

“Fear is a powerful motivator.” Eren nodded solemnly. “Being the school champion for the hundred metre sprint probably helped, though.”

Levi scoffed. “That explains a lot.”

The raven sighed again, digging around in his coat. “Well that sucked, mostly. Aside from the first part.” Levi pulled out a stick of gum and Eren caught wind of a sweet smell before Levi popped it into his mouth. “Are you done for the night, or should we try and get dinner without it turning into a total disaster?”

Eren smiled, already feeling better. “Dinner sounds good.”

“Nothing like spontaneous violence to whet the appetite.” Levi muttered dryly, holding out his arm for Eren to link his through. “Where to, then?”

“Dunno, but let me get it this time.”

Levi didn’t bother trying to hide his smile. “What a gentleman.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Took me a while, but here we go. On track to finish this bad boy, probably four or five chapters to go!


	16. A Date With The Devil pt2

 

Dinner had been the plan, but Eren didn’t have any idea what to go for.

He was secretly pleased just to be able to walk around with Levi without feeling the need to wet himself. An hour of sucking face and a spontaneous theatre brawl, and Eren found he could look Levi in the eye. Which had mostly happened by accident, thanks to Eren’s bad habit of staring. Thankfully Levi didn’t seem to mind. In fact, he often seemed quite entertained when he caught Eren ogling him.

“Have I got something on my face?” Levi asked, entirely unserious.

“No.” Eren shook his head, a mischievous thought rising. “But I reckon I might.”

Levi’s gaze flickered a little lower and he gave a quiet hum, pleased.

“Not on your face, but I did quite a number on your neck.” Levi thumbed at a blotched mark, looking thoroughly distracted. “Sorry.”

And that’s how Eren ended up with his back against cold bricks, Levi a warm presence against his front, paying tribute to the mottled marks he’d left along Eren’s throat. Eren tipped his head back and hummed, watching moths dance around the nearest streetlight. This was nice. Sure it was an experience and a half when other pedestrians caught sight of them, but Levi didn’t care enough to stop. Eren just gave a dazed little wave and a stupid smile to the surprised few people who walked by. It got them moving quickly enough. Eren could feel his heart beating fast, but it was a good feeling, and he acknowledged that he was almost deliriously happy.

Most of it was relief. Relief that he and Levi could actually get on outside of…whatever kind of flirting they’d been doing previously at the café. Relief that Eren himself wasn’t stupid enough to scare Levi off by being an utter moron. Levi actually seemed to find it endearing. There had been a lingering desire to know what Levi might be like when he wasn’t playing Satan, and finding out first person was amazing. Eren could finally say, without a doubt, that this was what he wanted. That in itself was an insane thought.

The way they’d gotten to this point had been utterly crazy, too, but the result…it was worth it.

Levi might have given up playing one of Satan’s children of sin, but that didn’t mean his kisses were any less sinful. Pun intended. Pun oh so gloriously intended. Eren couldn’t think far enough ahead to even bother trying to share the joke with Levi, he just let himself be distracted.

If this had been how Levi had planned to ‘devour his soul’, then Eren was absolutely on board with that.

Finally, they resumed the quest for dinner. Mostly at Levi’s insistence, seeing as they both knew how happy Eren would have been to stand around exploring Levi’s mouth with his tongue for the foreseeable future. They walked to a more populated area, but none of the restaurants they passed were particularly enticing. In the end, Levi led Eren to the window of a food van at one of the paved squares. It was a good decision. The menu was short and honest. After barely a moment’s deliberation, both Eren and Levi asked after the delicious and surprisingly affordable steak and chip sandwiches. Eren paid and Levi smiled to himself. They sat at little foldout tables set up in front of the van and Levi winced his way through watching Eren eat and talk at remarkable speeds. He looked equal parts impressed and disgusted.

Probably a little more disgusted.

“I don’t know how you managed to get out of that gravy-free.” Levi commented, taking a much more polite bite out of his own sandwich.

Eren shrugged, licking the last of said gravy from his fingers. He noticed Levi shaking his head out of the corner of his eye, and he knew Levi thought he was some special kind of ridiculous. Eren’s meal had practically evaporated in front of him, while Levi was only about a third of the way though his.

“You know that movie didn’t actually seem half bad.” Eren commented, hunting around for a napkin. “The bits I saw, anyway.”

Levi shot him an incredulous look, noticing that Eren wasn’t kidding.

“I don’t believe this.” The raven said.

Eren raised an eyebrow. “What? They had a sky-high budget and they made the most of it. Sue me.”

Levi rolled his eyes, but it was an amused gesture. “You just want to know if the priest got it on with those hellspawn.” He accused. “Don’t lie.”

“Of course I want to know.” Eren launched into his next big rant and Levi just watched him, chewing and nodding when prompted. “What was the big mission of the movie? Did it fail? Did it succeed? Did the priest give into temptation and if so, how did that work out? I mean there was every chance that the demon, or demons, actually were just really into this guy, right?” Eren looked to Levi for confirmation, but the raven just raised an eyebrow at him and reached for his water. Eren continued, unperturbed. “Maybe they could have just flown off into the hellish sunset together and said fuck it to the whole churchy plan? Or maybe, shocker, he gets his soul devoured? But there’s no way that isn’t the last big reveal. So I’ll need to watch the whole thing for context anyway.”

“Oh so _now_ you’re invested in souls being devoured?” Levi asked, his brows rising up. “It’s all fun and games when it’s not your soul that’s going to potentially get snacked on, huh?”

Eren thought about that. “Yeah. I guess so.”

Levi stared at Eren like he was a moron, but that was pretty common by now. “I should have fucking known.”

Eren stuck his tongue out in response. “You’re the one who wanted to see a horror movie. I’m just invested in the spooky romance part.” He sat a little straighter, dusting a few stray crumbs from his jeans. “Just you wait. The second the DVD releases, I’ll be there to waste my money on it.”

Levi made a noise of amusement around his next bite of sandwich.

“You don’t believe me?” Eren asked, taking it as a challenge. He pointed a finger at the raven. “I will text you a photo and a time. Movie night is on me next time around.”

Levi lips turned up against the rim of his disposable cup and he let Eren fret for a moment as he drank.

“Next time?” Levi smirked, setting the cup down again. “How forward of you.”

Eren was eighty percent sure that Levi was joking. Maybe.

“Do…” Eren paused, trying to anticipate a reaction, “do you want there to be a next time?”

Levi shot him a look somewhere between amusement and sympathy. “Eren. I can see you getting ready to backpedal. Of course I want there to be a next time, you ignoramus.” He reached over and ruffled Eren’s hair, his lids lowering with purpose. “If I get my way, we won’t be watching any movie next time either. At least not on the first couple of rounds.”

Eren let go of a nervous chuckle. “Oh man.”

“Relax.” Levi laughed, just a little. “I’m messing with you. Mostly.”

Eren smiled. Levi was the good kind of bossy and it was unfair that he could get away with it.

“It’s pretty late.” The raven said then, looking at his phone.

A phone he wouldn’t have if he hadn’t decided to pester Eren. Funny how things worked out.

Eren hummed his agreement. Midnight was still a good hour or so away, but they had been out for a while now. Eren’s friends would probably start worrying around midnight. And then the theories of Eren’s tragic death would start, most likely on Jean’s watch. It would be fun to leave them all to squirm and panic for a while after all the nonsense they’d put Eren through, but Eren wasn’t that mean. And he was getting tired.

Levi yawned then, attempting and failing to be discreet about it, and that settled things.

“Looks like we should probably call it a night.” Eren said, smiling a little at Levi’s brief scowl at being caught.

Not so sneaky after all.

“Fine, fine.” Levi huffed. “I guess I can give you back to your friends in one piece. This time.”

“Hurray.” Eren said flatly, but his smile was still present.

“Cab? Or can I walk you home without triggering your paranoia?” Levi drawled, leaning his chin against his propped up hand.

Eren pulled a face at him.

“Very mature.” Levi scoffed, poking Eren’s nose. “Seriously, Eren. If you’d rather not let Satan know where you sleep at night, I’ll totally get it.”

Despite the serious tone, Levi’s smirk said that he was still playing on the long-running demon joke.

Eren mock-glared.

“You already know where I live.” The brunet reminded Levi.

The raven just watched him, squinting a little. “Is that a ‘yes, let’s go there’ or a ‘no, I’ll freak out’? Be specific, I’m not going anywhere until you’re sure you won’t have a panic attack for literally no reason.”

Eren heaved a sigh. “Levi,” he started, putting on the huge puppy eyes that he knew worked like a charm, “would you walk me home?”

“Aw.” Levi cooed, unable to resist pinching Eren’s cheek. “Who could say no to that face?”

It was a quiet walk home, mostly snark but for once not directed at Eren. Just banter, unrestrained but light-hearted in delivery – a running commentary on the world and its problems. And that was…kind of nice. It was nice to be on Levi’s side of the counter, as it were, and get to poke fun at the world in good humour. And, on occasion, utterly savage humour.

Levi offered Eren gum and Eren declined.

“More for me.” Levi shrugged, happy either way.

They paused to take a commemorative photo under a streetlight, in honour of a mostly successful first date. And then Eren remembered that they were on a date and walked in flustered silence for a few minutes while Levi laughed at him. That would probably be something that never changed. Levi actually demanded a piggyback ride when they were getting close. He claimed that he was getting even.

Strange…Eren couldn’t remember ever asking Levi to carry him like that.

He shrugged and gestured for Levi to hop up, staggering only briefly in surprise. For a little guy, Levi was heavy.

“Consider yourself lucky,” Levi chuckled by Eren’s ear, “I was going to ask like five blocks ago but I took mercy on your weak ass.”

Eren gave a wheezed thanks, though he acted more winded than he was. He hoisted Levi up a little more, getting a better grip under the raven’s thighs. He couldn’t really be sneaky about it. Levi noticed when Eren dug his fingers in a little, laughing at the brunet’s surprise. There was more muscle than he’d been expecting, though that wasn’t a bad thing. Not at all. Eren considered himself lucky. It wasn’t too straining to carry Levi that way and after about half a block Levi started swinging his legs idly, resting his chin against Eren’s shoulder.

Worth it, Eren thought to himself.

“I should have known you’d cop a feel.” Levi laughed when Eren squeezed at his legs again.

“Hey,” Eren defended himself, “you practically threw these thighs at me. I’m taking this as payment.”

They laughed back and forth about it.

“What are you made of?” Eren asked, playfully incredulous. “Concrete? I’m pretty sure that’s concrete I’m feeling.”

“You should stop feeling and watch where you’re going, idiot.” Levi steered Eren’s head back around so that the brunet could swerve past the streetlight they were aimed for.

“Whoa!”

It was a near miss and Levi snorted at the wobbly correction.

“Nailed it.” He chuckled, ruffling Eren’s hair.

Eren might have walked a little slower than he would have normally, and not because Levi was that heavy. When the house came into view, he gave a quiet sigh.

If Levi heard it, he didn’t ask. He probably knew.

_I don’t want this to be over._

Levi jumped down just before the driveway, walking Eren up the gravel to the porch. The raven gave a sweeping bow, gesturing at the door.

“Your humble abode, my lady.” He said, tone purposefully formal. “And thus the date concludes. No murder, as promised, though that takes all the fun out of it. It’s just like they say: a little death never killed anyone. Wait…”

Eren rolled his eyes. Some of their kisses had felt so far from PG that they could have been the second death of Eren’s virginity, but sure. No official murder, he supposed.

“I’m stunned to say I had a good time.” Eren announced.

It got Levi laughing, which had been Eren’s intention, and he smiled as Levi recovered.

“Good, that’s good.” Levi managed, fighting back the urge to grin. “Well goodnight, I guess. You’d better not freak out on me and go on radio silence for the next week. I know where you live, remember.”

Eren shook his head with a smile. “Yeah, I think I’ll remember.”

The door opened then, startling both males.

Jean appeared, his enormous grin evaporating at the sight of Levi standing there with Eren. Clearly he’d only been expecting Eren. Any words that Jean might have said were gone, and the ashbrown choked on his own surprise.

Levi scoffed, ignoring the spontaneous coughing fit Jean was enduring, and turned to Eren.

“See you ‘round.” He said, before leaning up to kiss Eren goodbye.

And that was the moment Eren learned that Levi had to stretch onto his tip-toes to be able to kiss Eren without him bending down a little. Eren tried not to smirk too much, in case Levi noticed. Clearly Levi noticed anyway, biting Eren in retaliation towards the end. Even that couldn’t dampen Eren’s spirits for the night, already soaring with giddy promise for the future.

Eren was still smiling to himself as Levi headed for home, calling back over his shoulder for Eren to make sure that his friend didn’t actually choke to death.

Eren shut the door and turned to Jean, who was just barely recovering.

Deeming Jean reasonably fine, Eren walked straight past him and headed for the bathroom. He’d hardly gotten down the hall when Jean recovered enough to talk, already chasing after him.

“Kissing the devil goodnight, are we? Man, what did that taste like?” Jean grinned, leering next to Eren as they walked. “Ash and sulphur? The blood of his enemies?”

Eren paused at the bathroom door, thinking.

“Cherry, I think.” He answered, shrugging. “He had gum earlier, that must have been it.”

Jean stared at him for a long moment, his jaw hanging open at how calm the brunet was being. Eventually Eren just went into the bathroom and closed the door in Jean’s face. Lord knew Jean wouldn’t be above walking in with him to grill Eren about the date. As it was, Jean started interrogating through the bathroom door until Eren heard a brief scuffle and Jean’s voice grew quieter and quieter.

He assumed someone had come to the rescue. Mikasa, probably. Bless her soul.

Before Eren could step into the shower, he heard a buzzing sound. Brief, but noticeable. His phone had gone off.

It was a picture message, unsurprisingly from Levi.

Eren opened it and rolled his eyes as the picture loaded. It was a selfie of Levi standing under the streetlight with their house in the background, and a cab door in one of the lower edges. So he’d chosen to taxi home? Good. That was safer, even if Levi could handle most trouble thrown his way.

The picture came with a caption.

_Don’t be a stranger._

Eren understood the rest of the message, unspoken as it was. It was difficult to miss the ‘I know where you live’ part with his house sitting in the back of Levi’s photo. Still, Eren smiled.

 

**[Jaegerwafer]**

i know i know, u know where i live

 

Levi just sent him a bunch of thumbs-up emojis, so Eren figured he didn’t need to respond.

Eren showered and brushed his teeth, wandering back out fifteen minutes later in boxers with the sole intention of finding some pyjama bottoms and falling face first onto his bed. But of course, the universe threw Jean at him.

The ashbrown appeared out of nowhere, though that wasn’t unusual.

Jean practically skidded past Eren in his effort to both get to him as quickly as possible and also stop as fast as possible. He failed, but rebounded off the wall with surprising ease.

And, to Eren’s disappointment, minimal injury.

Jean leaned against Eren’s doorway, falsely casual. “So how’d it go?”

Eren rolled his eyes and shouldered past into his room, knowing Jean would just follow him.

He was right.

“Come on,” Jean started in that complaining tone he got when he sensed gossip, “you were shitting yourself when you left and then a goodnight kiss? What happened?”

“Movie, dinner, talking.” Eren shrugged, digging around in the mess of blankets on his bed.

He emerged triumphant with the desired pyjama pants. Jean was still squinting in suspicion as Eren stumbled into them and threw himself backwards onto his mattress. Eren felt around for his phone, pretending to be distracted, frowning a little when he couldn't find the device immediately. He’d kind of hoped that Jean would take the hint, but alas…t’was not a perfect world.

“That’s it? Really, man. Come on, you can tell your old buddy Jean!”

Eren shushed him, half-hearted, and looked around for his phone.

Dang it. It was still in the bathroom.

Jean followed him all the way there and back, asking questions in a near-constant stream.

“Come on, Eren. _Something_ had to have happened to change your mind! What, did he give you Devil’s candy? Did you make a deal with him for immortality? Or eternal Wi-Fi? Did he reap your soul?” Jean said, waggling his eyebrows. “Are you his minion now?”

Eren wrinkled his nose. “No,” he muttered, throwing himself back onto his bed, thinking back on the night’s events, “but he did get us kicked out of the movie theatre for fighting some asshole. Not like we were watching the movie, but damn. Did you know that Levi is an actual fucking tank? Because I didn’t know until tonight and I am almost ashamed to say that watching him kick someone’s ass is a huge turn-on.”

For the first time since Jean’s interrogative rant had started, there was silence. Eren could practically feel the confusion rolling off of Jean in waves, and Jean’s face was twisting with various emotions when Eren checked.

“You disgust me.” Jean finally said.

He sure looked disgusted, but Jean’s tone told Eren otherwise. He was mostly just sulking over the fact that Eren was calm and nonresponsive to his teasing for once in their lives.

“Good to know.” Eren said, turning his attention to his phone.

He typed out a message while Jean deliberated on whether or not to continue his attempted interrogation.

 

**[Jaegerwafer]**

jean is personally offended and disgusted with us

**[Jaegerwafer]**

just an update

 

Jean seemed doubly offended when he realised Eren was texting Levi of his own free will, no panic to be seen.

“Seriously, what the hell? Where is Eren and who are you, imposter?”

“Eren’s not home right now.” Eren snickered, his attention caught by a buzz from his phone.

 

**[Levi]**

What’s got Kirschtein’s panties in a twist this time?

**[Levi]**

Don’t tell me. He’s jealous of our creepy serial killer love and wants to steal you from me?

**[Jaegerwafer]**

doubtful

**[Jaegerwafer]**

its probably the other way round

**[Jaegerwafer]**

he probably wants a slice of that acker-booty

**[Levi]**

I can confirm it’s a damn fine booty.

**[Levi]**

And that’s not just my ego talking.

**[Jaegerwafer]**

id ask for photo evidence

**[Jaegerwafer]**

but im a chicken shit

**[Levi]**

Like I’d let you have it that easy.

**[Levi]**

You can find out in person, young man, or not at all.

**[Jaegerwafer]**

spoilsport

 

Eren smiled to himself. Now that the joke wasn’t constantly on him, Eren could appreciate the fun of trolling his friends. After all the fuss he’d made, Eren supposed Jean’s interest wasn’t surprising. Eren could have told Jean any story about how the date had went, even something ludicrous and impossible, and the ashbrown would have believed him.

“Why are you smiling?” Jean demanded. “You’re talking to him right now, aren’t you? What the shit is going on with all this…this…normal couplish bullshit? What have you done with the Eren I know?!”

“You’re still here?” Eren drawled, casting a bored glance Jean’s way.

Jean spluttered indignantly. “Not for long!” He turned on his heel.

“Get the door on your way out.” Eren called.

He wasn’t surprised when it slammed shut, but at least Jean had finally left him in peace and the door was closed.

It really was nice not to be the paranoid one for a change.

 

**[Jaegerwafer]**

jean’s mad

**[Levi]**

Mad as in insane? Because I think we all knew that.

**[Jaegerwafer]**

he wouldnt let me sleep until i coughed up details

**[Jaegerwafer]**

i told him u fighting turns me on

**[Levi]**

Kinky.

**[Jaegerwafer]**

he threw a tantrum and stormed out just now

**[Levi]**

It’s official. You’re friends with an actual child.

 

The conversation didn’t last long, mostly because Levi kept telling Eren to go to bed. Still, as Eren wished Levi goodnight for the third time in a row he considered how good he felt and how unlikely it had seemed that they would be able to get along. But Eren really liked Levi. He’d enjoyed their date, not perfect but still amazing in its own right.

Eren snatched up his phone again, knowing that he’d just said goodnight. But he had one last burning question in his head and there was no way he was getting to sleep until he knew where they stood.

 

**[Jaegerwafer]**

Hey Levi?

 

Levi took a minute to get back to him, making Eren panic that he might have actually been asleep.

 

**[Levi]**

I was going to ignore this, but you don’t bust out actual punctuation ever.

**[Levi]**

I assume it’s important?

 

Eren worried his bottom lip with his teeth, wondering how best to word this. But then again, Levi was a pretty direct person. He probably wouldn’t mind a blunt approach.

Or more accurately, Eren’s rambling train of thought approach.

 

**[Jaegerwafer]**

we're not just friends now right?

**[Jaegerwafer]**

that seems like a stupid question but i want to be sure

**[Jaegerwafer]**

like that was a heck of a lot of kissing for just friends

**[Jaegerwafer]**

so…are we a thing? do you want to be a thing, or were you just going for like casual make-out buddies?

**[Jaegerwafer]**

thats totally fine i guess but id rather know now and not assume and yeah

**[Jaegerwafer]**

okay ranting done

 

Eren wasn’t sure what he expected, but it wasn’t a surprise when Levi didn’t message him back right away. After an explosion like that, Eren figured he’d probably spooked Levi completely.

 

**[Levi]**

I’m happy to be whatever you want me to be.

**[Levi]**

Ideally I’d wrap you in Christmas paper and take you home.

**[Jaegerwafer]**

i honestly don’t know if that sounds creepy or really sweet

**[Levi]**

We can take things slow if you like. Just go on dates and see how things go, nothing serious. But if you want to honestly date…I’d really like that.

**[Levi]**

Up to you, twerp.

 

Eren felt odd. Lighter than normal, but in a good way. He was smiling as he thumbed out an answer, hoping that he could make Levi feel a similar happiness with his response.

 

**[Jaegerwafer]**

it's weird to have a boyfriend but i think i like it

**[Levi]**

You brat making me wait a whole thirty seconds. I’d kiss the shit out of you if I was there.

**[Jaegerwafer]**

well you can just wait until next time

 

They wished each other goodnight for the umpteenth time and Eren smiled until his face hurt.

When he finally fell asleep, a small smile was still there.

 

 

 


	17. Where To From Here?

 

 

Eren’s alarm rudely went off as scheduled, pulling Eren out of a very pleasant dream and reminding him of the utterly unpleasant class he needed to drag himself along to. Second-last class of the year, though really a two day week was a bit ridiculous. No getting out of it, though. Just today’s lecture and a final, in-class test for Tuesday. Then he was free. Delightful.

He should have gone to bed earlier.

Thinking back on the events of the previous night, Eren actually found himself smiling as he forced himself to roll out of bed. He’d gone on a date, a _real_ date, and it hadn’t gone up in flames. He’d been shitting himself beforehand, sure. And pretty much throughout most of the experience, too. It had been so worth it. Admittedly, Eren felt pretty awful now but that was just a blend of a lack of sleep and a huge lack of enthusiasm for the upcoming lecture. That’s just how mornings went.

He had a boyfriend, for crying out loud! That wasn’t something that happened every day.

It would be a whole lot more exciting if Eren wasn’t remembering it before ten o’clock in the morning. Gross. Eren’s phone read 7:31AM and the brunet spared a brief, silent moment to despise whoever out there was responsible for 8AM classes. Bastards.

There was time for breakfast or a shower, but not both. Lectures only ran for an hour, so Eren set his hopes on a later breakfast and hauled himself out of his room to trudge for the bathroom. Fifteen minutes later, Eren stumbled out again. Clothes were found, whatever his hands landed on first. Sneakers (for the anticipated sprinting to come) and a beanie to ward off the worst of the morning chill. Eren hoped he’d had enough sense not to put his shirt on backwards, or inside out. It had happened before. He snagged a backpack, knowing there was at least one notebook inside and a handful of pens. Then Eren barrelled out the door and sprinted his way across the blocks between the house and campus, tearing into the lecture hall to several snickers from classmates.

On time. Barely.

Eren flopped into a seat and wheezed at the ceiling until their lecturer arrived. Not on time. Bastard. Things seemed to drag on even slower now that their teacher had arrived, starting up the usual droning speech that the students were well used to by now.

Don’t fall asleep, don’t fall asleep. Eren was almost chanting the words out loud in an effort not to doze off, eyes blinking, sluggish and heavy. He forced his attention on the monotonous drawl of the professor. The real challenge was picking out the important stuff from the rest of the speech, knowing where useful information turned into rambling. It wasn’t really their teacher’s fault, Eren sighed mentally. When you’d been in the business as long as this guy had, you were bound to just know way too much about the topic. He wasn’t going to get the chance to talk about it elsewhere and so the students got to hear all the extended nonsense that certainly wouldn’t help them get anything beyond a credit. Eren sieved through the blather, jotting down facts, numbers, important dates and the like. Anything that could have the potential of appearing in their test tomorrow.

It was probably the most effort he’d put into notetaking in weeks. Armin would be proud.

Class ran overtime, but fifteen minutes wasn’t terrible. Forgivable, in the grand scheme of things. Eren had his notes at least, sweeping both book and pen haphazardly into his backpack the second they were dismissed.

Out of the lecture hall, Eren sucked in a breath of fresh air, still cold enough to make him shiver as it graced his lungs.

Well at least that was over, Eren thought, and his feelings on being awake before ten became dramatically less sour now that the day was free of further commitments. Unless Eren decided to actually be a productive student for once in his life, that was. Eren idled in the hallway, brick classrooms on one side and open courtyard on the other, the dewy grass full of thieving birds and students that didn’t despise mornings. Eren leaned in the direction of the library, face scrunching in displeasure at the thought of actually going there to study. He supposed he could at least _try_ and go over his information. He did have the notes for it…but breakfast would be a much better idea. No point trying to get work done on an empty stomach. He could go back to the house. See what was in the fridge, dig through leftovers.

Or maybe this was the perfect time to visit a certain café?

Eren felt that was an inspired idea, his feet already carrying him in the right direction while he dug a hand around in his backpack, fingers closing around the phone buried there. It only took a second to tap out a message to Levi.

 

**[Jaegerwafer]**

wyd??

 

He waited, idly thumbing through various social media while hoping for a response. Jean was up finally. Eren knew because he had about fifteen messages from the boy, all of which were various demands to hear the juicy details of the previous night’s date once Eren was free. Deeming Jean’s personal curiosity a reasonably unimportant matter, Eren promptly ignored the messages. He’d just ambush Eren once he got home again, so the ashbrown couldn’t get too mad. It was another half a block before Eren’s phone buzzed and the name he’d been hoping to see popped up in a little message notification.

 

**Message from: Levi [1]**

 

**[Levi]**

I was in the shower but that’s obviously no longer the case.

 

Eren frowned at that, knowing full well there were no showers at the café. Which meant…

 

**[Jaegerwafer]**

ur not at work?

 

Levi’s responses came quicker then, so he must have been relatively water free. Eren’s brows pulled together a little more. He hoped he hadn’t bothered Levi if it was one of his rare days off. Bummer.

 

**[Levi]**

No?

**[Levi]**

Marco’s on call, my shift doesn’t start till 4:30 today.

**[Levi]**

Are you at the café?

 

A sigh left the brunet. Of course it would be too good to be true to be able to see Levi and potentially brighten an otherwise mundane day to come. Eren scuffed a shoe against the pavement in dismay, though he didn’t stop walking. He was halfway to the café and still hungry. No point in turning around now, and there was still plenty of studying to be done.

Levi not being at the café didn’t change those things.

 

**[Jaegerwafer]**

i mean im not there yet but i was on my way

**[Jaegerwafer]**

skipped breakfast to make class

**[Jaegerwafer]**

thought it might be nice to drop by and annoy you for a bit

**[Levi]**

Aw. Apart for one night and already missing me?

**[Jaegerwafer]**

:p

**[Levi]**

What a cutie.

 

Eren bit back a smile at that, flustered by three words and Levi wasn’t even in the vicinity. Still, it put a little pep in his step to be hearing from the raven at all. That knowledge was only made more embarrassing when Eren recalled how he’d been completely and utterly terrified of the man only days ago.

Things changed awful quick once tongues got involved in the matter.

And dang it, there was that blush again.

 

**[Levi]**

Well I never thought I’d have to say this but sadly I’m not on shift. After all the hours I’ve put in there, it should be a relief.

**[Levi]**

What have you done to me?

 

Making Levi disappointed that he wasn’t at work? Now that was a change.

This time Eren did smile, unable to stop the expression from creeping across his face. Soft, and for once he didn’t mind the warmth flooding his face.

 

**[Jaegerwafer]**

probs some romance hoodoo

**[Jaegerwafer]**

dont worry about it, ill just study or smthn

**[Levi]**

You? Studying? I dread to think.

**[Jaegerwafer]**

ill have u know im grade a student material

**[Jaegerwafer]**

just not in this lifetime

 

No point lying there. Eren Jaeger was no teacher’s pet, that was for sure.

 

**[Levi]**

Alright, smart guy. I don’t have any plans for the day other than staring at the ceiling. I’ll drop by after my work out.

 

Eren had to really stare at that last message for a while, actually pausing in the street. His eyes kept getting stuck on ‘work out’, of course his imagination would run right off with that imagery, but the reality sank in finally.

Levi was going to come see him. On purpose, even though it was his day off.

How could someone be so intimidating and so sweet?

Resuming walking, though a little slower than before, Eren wondered what to say. Should he say anything at all? Maybe it would be better if he just sorted things out and let Levi have his free time to himself?

Eren hovered his thumb over the keyboard, teeth worrying his lower lip.

He really didn’t want to steal away Levi’s free time.

 

**[Jaegerwafer]**

r u sure?

**[Jaegerwafer]**

i dont want to be that clingy guy like u dont have to

**[Jaegerwafer]**

i do need to study…this is just inviting distraction

**[Levi]**

Too late the decision has been made.

**[Levi]**

Just think, now you can demonstrate that multitasking you were so defensive about ;)

**[Jaegerwafer]**

meanie

**[Levi]**

Poor baby. Don’t worry, you’ll have an hour or so free to study to your heart’s content. I’ll need another shower after I’m done here.

**[Jaegerwafer]**

2 showers a day? yeesh

**[Levi]**

Who says I stop at two?

**[Jaegerwafer]**

o_o y tho?

**[Levi]**

Personal preference.

**[Levi]**

Cleanliness is next to godliness, or some bullshit. (praying emoji)

**[Levi]**

Go study. I’ll see you in a bit.

**[Jaegerwafer]**

sir yes sir! *salutes*

 

The rest of the walk went by much quicker. Eren wondered if he would be able to stop smiling at all today, since his current smile felt pretty permanent. No doubt his face would start hurting soon.

Roving into sight was the familiar glass windows and graffiti of the café storefront, managing to look cheerful even despite the cold and dreary day. Inside, the warm lighting looked so welcoming compared to the unfriendly world outside, all drab concrete and packed sidewalks. Even with the cold, there were always those people that just walked everywhere.

Eren ducked inside the second there was room, glad for the escape. Here, the air didn’t burn with every chilly breath. A nice change after the walk which had left Eren’s lungs feeling frosty and his throat a little on the raw side.

Marco looked up at the entrance, his professional smile in place. Nothing too forced, but clearly patient. Not expecting difficulty from his customers, but ready for it all the same – it was there in the eyes, already sizing up the new arrival. Only to find that it was just Eren. Marco’s expression lost its put-on charm and turned softer at the sight of a friend, the barista lifting a hand in cheery greeting.

“Eren. Are classes done already?”

“One down.” Eren nodded, shaking off some of the leftover chill. “Just one more to go.”

“I’m surprised you didn’t skip out.”

“Trying to get those sweet grades. Not fun. It’s just the one stupid subject that’s finishing up but after tomorrow sweet freedom will be mine. Is today your last day?”

The freckled man gave a sigh, shaking his head. “We finish up Friday. All assignments are in, but the professor takes roll call _very_ seriously and I don’t want ‘partial absence’ to be a reason that I have to retake ethics next year.” Marco smiled then, a knowing look taking over. “I bet you couldn’t be bothered to make food at home, huh?”

Eren held up his hands in surrender. “You know me too well.”

“Or more likely you’re here for a certain someone?” A nod, silent laughter in those doe eyes. “Levi’s not in yet, just so you know.”

Eren smiled. “I know. Thanks, though.”

Marco gave a little nod. Ever the courteous friend. “Sometimes I forget that you two actually talk to each other instead of those mind games. So then, what can I get you?”

“Eh. What’s the most likely to actually help me focus?”

Marco plated up the most wholesome thing they had. The sandwich wasn’t the most breakfast-y item Eren had ever seen but it did look good. A grain loaf with salad and some sort of meat packed inside. Well, better than anything Eren would have whipped up back at the house. He took it, along with an unusual request for coffee rather than his regular hot chocolate.

“I have to be awake if I’m gonna actually do this.” Eren huffed in explanation, yawning not a moment later.

Marco just rang up his total and watched Eren waddle off to find a seat, calling an amused “good luck” after the sleepy brunet.

Breakfast was inhaled and the coffee gulped down with minimal faces made. It just really wasn’t the drink for Eren, but at least Marco had loaded the thing with sugar for him. Utter sweetheart. Angel. Saint in disguise. Eren sang Marco’s praises in silence, setting the now-empty mug aside and vowing to never drink coffee again if he could help it. He delved into his backpack then, pulling out his notebook. Pen in hand, Eren flipped to the page full of his class notes and took a deep breath. This was it. Time to be a good student and get some much-needed prep for tomorrow’s test _before_ any Levi-shaped distractions came along.

For the first few minutes of pouring over his notes, Eren jumped every time the little bell over the door jingled. His head whipped around but of course it wasn’t Levi. The raven was busy at home doing crunches or chin-ups or whatever secret ritual that kept him blessed with those sweet thighs and _lord_ , those abs.

Distractions, distractions. Snap out of it.

Eren had to focus on his notes just to keep from drooling involuntarily at the scenarios his imagination whipped up.

Marco came by some half hour later to swipe the empty cup, poking Eren’s head as he went. Great, daydreaming again. Eren mumbled his thanks, hunching over his notebook with a frown and grumbling about the various injustices of having to put actual effort into getting a passing grade.

Another half hour later and Eren sat with his eyes closed, reciting lines and facts over and over again. Recite and check. If he messed one up, he moved to the next one. There was only so much that could end up in their test and it was only worth ten percent of their overall grade. Still, the marks would be worth it.

Eren was in the middle of reading over his notes for possibly the hundredth time that morning when he got a strange inkling that someone was looking at him.

Had the bell gone off a minute ago, or had that just been Eren’s imagination?

Before he could turn, a voice sounded close by.

“Do my eyes deceive me?” The familiar voice paused, and Eren smiled at his notes.

For the first time in…potentially ever…that voice didn’t make Eren almost jump out of his skin. Footsteps carried a figure into Eren’s periphery. They paused by the table, a familiar sight when Eren turned his eyes their way. And there Levi was, as promised. Slinking out of a dark coat that stopped just above the knees, Levi was a dark presence in the cheery little café. All sharp angles and eyeliner; the boy did love his makeup. War paint, more like. It worked for him and Eren wasn’t about to complain when all of that turtle-neck, skinny-jean-clad man was his. There was a miniscule smile twitching at one corner of Levi’s mouth, like the raven could read exactly where Eren’s thoughts had gone.

Face warming a little, Eren gulped. After the whole ‘Satan’ fiasco, there was a part of Eren that wouldn’t put it past Levi to have some whacky mind-reading ability. If that was the case (as unlikely as it was in reality) then the raven gave little away.

Levi gave the scene a brief glance, his tiny smirk growing. “Eren Jaeger actually studying? Ridiculous. I must be dreaming.”

Eren’s fingers tightened around his pen, his eyes following the movement of Levi’s mouth as he spoke and then afterwards the mischievous upwards curve of his little smile. Eren swallowed.

“Hey.” He said.

Levi slid into the booth on the opposite side of the table, plucking gloves from slender fingers.

“It’s so weird to see you looking anything other than horrified to see me.” Levi admitted, tucking the gloves away inside his coat. “After all the panicking, I half expect that wide-eyed ‘deer in headlights’ face to be your default expression whenever I’m around.”

“It comes and goes.” Eren said absently, more focused on the movement of thin lips.

He was acutely aware of the shift in Levi’s smile, amusement taking over.

“And that’s why I sat over here.” Levi huffed a laugh, gesturing at the dazed mess that was Eren. Not two minutes in each other’s company and he was already rendered useless. “You really are horrible at multitasking.”

“Ogling is a full-focus kind of hobby, I’ll have you know.”

“Uh-huh.” Levi’s smile grew a fraction, his eyes rolling playfully. “Studying, he said. I expected some distraction but geez, you’re set to float off into la-la land any minute. What’s going on in there?” Levi asked, leaning over the table a little to tap gentle knuckles against Eren’s forehead.

“Just thinkin’.” Eren supplied.

He propped an elbow on the table, chin resting in the palm of his hand, and let his eyes wander over Levi’s face.

“Oh I can guess what kind of sappy, hand-holding, PDA-involved thinking you’re doing right about now.” Levi chuckled. “The only thinking you should be doing involves putting words on paper. Come on, what are you writing about?”

Levi nodded towards Eren’s open book, waiting.

Reluctantly, Eren let his focus wade back towards study and memorising all the fun facts for tomorrow’s test. He said something, mind tripping over whatever it recalled of the final topic they’d been given, never once looking away from Levi’s face.

When the raven started laughing at him, Eren figured it was time to get his head in the game. He shook his head, eyes falling to the scrawl-covered pages open on the table. That was right. Studying. Mostly it was just writing the facts down over and over again until they were engrained in memory. Boring, but it would get Eren through the test. He had dot points to expand upon, arguments to plan in case their lecturer sprung a surprise short essay section on them like the bastard he was. Eren’s gaze fell on the test topic, written at the top of the page in several layers of ink to make the words stand out, and Eren read it aloud for Levi to hear. The brief comments he had to make on the subject made Levi raise a brow.

“Well, that’s a start.” The raven smirked. “And where are you going to go with that? If it turns into an essay and that’s all you’ve got, you’re going to be screwed.”

He wasn’t wrong there.

Surprisingly, Levi was not a distraction at all. If anything, he was a motivator. When Eren started to daydream, Levi kicked his butt into action. Well, kicked him quite literally under the table but it got Eren back to the present pretty effectively. Levi was a good listener, making Eren recite his information and stealing his notebook so the brunet couldn’t sneak glances. When Eren could provide his answers without hesitation, he got his book back. Now onto planning the potential essay, though hopefully there wouldn’t be any need and all this would just turn out to be over-preparedness. Eren scrawled topic sentences in his scratchy handwriting, reading them out when he was done. They discussed relevant information that would suit his arguments, Eren gradually underlining dot points from the previous page that seemed the most useful. Levi was a little too good at calling Eren out when his ‘constructive arguments’ started to drift more towards ‘bluster and bullshit’.

“It might get you a passing grade,” Levi had allowed after listening to the extent of Eren’s complaining, “but you can do better.”

They were at it like that for the better part of an hour. When Eren got on track, actually scribbling down useful arguments, Levi hopped up and announced that he was off to make himself second breakfast. Eren’s head was up and out of his notes at the movement, but Levi only snorted at the huge puppy eyes that were turned on him.

“What? You’ve got your notes to entertain you. I’ll be gone for all of five minutes, don’t give me that look.”

A hand landed in Eren’s hair, messing up the fluffy strands, and Levi stepped in close to stoop for a brief kiss to Eren’s forehead. It was the first kiss since last night’s illuminating conversation. Boyfriend…Eren turned the word over in his head as Levi stepped back, clearly admiring his handiwork. The brunet turned back to his notes in a smitten daze, pink in the cheeks and all but shooting steam out his ears. Cute.

Eren thunked his head against the tabletop a few times as Levi headed for the kitchen. Come on, brain. Work. Just a bit longer and he could call it a day. Enough study till he went home. Eren resolved to do as much work as he could in the time it took Levi to prepare his meal.

It was definitely longer than five minutes, but Eren only realised that because when he looked up from his notes again Levi was setting a plate laden with pancakes onto the table. A glance at the café clock informed Eren that it was 11:45. Still morning, but pushing it.

Eren’s eyes flicked up to amused grey.

“Five minutes?” He asked, a teensy bit incredulous.

Levi scoffed. “Twenty-five.” He allowed, shrugging. “If I said you could have some, would you forgive and forget?”

“Really?”

“I mean they’re mostly for you so I hope you’ll help eat them?”

Eren’s vigorous nodding had Levi’s smirk growing into a proper smile.

Instead of sitting across the table, Levi joined Eren on his side of the booth. He slid the pancakes Eren’s way, receiving a grateful litany of “thank you, thank you, thank you”, and stole Eren’s notebook while the brunet dug in like the barbarian he was. The raven smiled; he’d made extra for a reason. Levi’s own attempts at eating were much less aggressive. Little portions broken off with a fork and dipped in syrup, the utensil twirled carefully so as not to let the sticky topping hit the table between the plate and his mouth. Levi also ate with considerably less moaning. In Eren’s defence, it was the appreciative kind of moan that was induced by delighted tastebuds – an innocent pleasure even if some of the sounds were questionable without context. Levi’s attention was split between his review of Eren’s work and slightly concerned observation of the brunet’s enjoyment.

“Should I leave you and the pancakes alone, or do you think the two of you could get a room?”

Eren only made another garbled sound that could have been an apology or just another wordless appreciation of Levi’s cooking. At least he didn’t talk with his mouth full this time.

“Slob.” Levi said it fondly when the plate was mostly empty, though the brunet was clearly having a very serious mental debate about whether or not licking the plate would be going a little too far. “I’d have started cooking you things sooner if I’d known you’d react like that. Jesus.”

Eren decided to go for the more polite option of cleaning syrup up with a finger. One sticky line at a time, disappearing past plush lips, and now it was Levi’s turn to be distracted.

“Keep it PG over there, goddamn.” He commented.

The reaction was priceless. Eren went red to his ears, though he wasn’t so mortified that he gave up on the syrup. That boy and his sweets. With few options left that wouldn’t earn him more remarks from the raven, Eren gave up on restraint and licked the plate. Levi’s snort was expected.

“Well you went from accidental seduction to childlike tactics in zero seconds flat.” Levi shook his head as he confiscated the plate at last, standing. “Why am I not surprised?”

“I wasn’t trying to seduce anyone.” Eren mumbled, worrying over sticky fingers.

“Oh I know.” A little smile appeared on the raven’s face. “I think if you’d been trying, it wouldn’t have been working so well.” Levi teased.

“Har har.” Eren rolled his eyes, not that stung by the comment. He wiggled his syrupy fingers in Levi’s direction to watch the raven take a step back, nose wrinkling in amused distaste. “That was really good, the food I mean. Like marry me good. How come you don’t sell that kind of stuff? You’d make a killing.”

“Easy. Because I don’t want to cater to every guts on in the city. I work here enough as it is. Besides, I’d rather save certain talents for the special satisfaction of spoiling the people I don’t mind catering to.” Levi finished the sentence with a little boop to the end of Eren’s nose. “Now go wash your hands, goddamn. I’ve never seen such a messy eater.”

They parted ways, Eren to the bathroom and Levi to the kitchen, dropping off his plate and leaving it scrubbed clean out back.

 

 

They played twenty questions for the better part of the time left till Levi’s shift.

“Favourite season?” Eren asked.

“Autumn.” Levi said between sips of tea. “Not as cold as Winter, but not sweltering. What about you?”

“Summer.” Eren’s nose wrinkled. “I hate the cold. Uh, what about a favourite colour?”

“Hmm, tricky. There’s two.” Levi counted them off on his fingers. “Blue for the sky, and green because where there’s green, there’s life too. I like the idea of both; the endlessness of the sky and the stubbornness of life. It’s freedom at its purest. Uncontrollable.”

Levi had a lot of opinions, deep set and strong but so rarely mentioned. He held a lot of thoughts inside, which seemed odd considering that the raven said what he thought so easily at times. Eren was no idiot either, though Levi found the brunet liked simple things. He liked for things to make sense. No wonder he’d freaked out when someone like Levi had all but landed in his lap making doe eyes and soundly fucking with him at the same time. For all the nonsense they’d gone through, it had been worth it. The privilege of kissing Eren Jaeger was Levi’s alone, and it was just so much fun when every little peck got such a reaction.

Levi tried not to fluster the brunet too much in public, with emphasis on _tried_. Eren was pretty good at getting himself flustered.

Marco drifted by their table at 4:15PM, leaving word that Hanji was closing the place at eight tonight and tomorrow. The usual hours; they’d been open later, but usually when things were busier. Levi nodded and in another fifteen minutes he was behind the counter, Marco skipping out the door.

“Far too cheerful, that boy.” Levi muttered, shaking his head.

Eren noticed Levi often made little comments like that about people he was fond of. Mentioning their oddities, but not for the sake of judgement. Levi liked that Marco was so personable and chipper, just like he secretly liked a lot of things about Eren’s friends – Armin’s slyness, Mikasa’s endless acceptance, Jean’s blunt honesty, even Connie’s goofy optimism and Sasha’s extreme appreciation of anything that was edible. And Eren, well he knew he had his own eccentricities. Dumb as a brick, he’d heard his friends say more than once. They didn’t mean it literally, certainly not in a way that was meant to hurt his feelings either. It was always overwhelmingly fond, if often accompanied by amusement. Eren the obtuse. You could sit in his lap and he wouldn’t know he was being flirted with.

Well, Levi had learned that the hard way. Still, he’d done the only thing that could be done – persevered until his attempts registered through that famously thick skull.

And Eren was oh so glad that Levi had bothered to keep trying.

It was surprisingly nice to have someone, more than a friend, to explore the terrifying realm of intimacy and romance.

“Eren? Are you actually daydreaming right now, or just staring?”

The brunet blinked into the present, wide eyes taking in the unsurprised look on Levi’s face.

“H-Huh?” Eren flailed, leaning forward from his seat on one of the counter stools.

“Come here.” Levi said the words like he’d said them several times prior, amused.

Eren looked around like Levi might be talking to anyone else but him, finally catching on and sliding off his seat. He had a familiar confusion on his face. Almost worried. And yet he came trotting over like an eager little puppy at the slightest notice. It was very promising, in Levi’s opinion.

“I don’t have a contact photo for you.” Levi said finally, seconds before he was taking said photo.

Eren had only just finished looking up properly, hearing the tell-tale ‘click’ before he could so much as blink. Watching Levi’s first reaction to the photo wasn’t very encouraging. The raven snorted, a hand creeping over his mouth to hide the sudden smile.

“You look like someone just pulled you out of the Lost and Found.” Levi announced, turning the screen towards Eren for him to see.

Eren narrowed his eyes to take in the picture. It wasn’t terrible. His eyes were a little dazed and Eren had seen tourists look less lost than he did in the photo but at least it wasn’t something stupid. Not like Jean always managed to take, always catching everyone with half-closed eyes and open mouths. Still, Eren wrinkled his nose at the picture. He wasn’t great at receiving his own image well, mumbling something unintelligible and self-conscious.

Levi didn’t question the nonsense, just smiling to himself.

“It’s a keeper.” He said, and Eren felt his ears get a bit warm while Levi saved the photo. “Oops,” the raven said a second later, laughing suddenly, “about time I changed your contact name, huh?”

Eren frowned. “What did you have it as before?”

Levi’s little smirk hadn’t been the most promising response, but Eren assumed that whatever nickname he’d had wasn’t too mean. And it had probably been pretty accurate.

After the recent events, Eren had finally earned the right to have his contact be changed to his name.

 

 

“You should be heading home, too.” Levi said some time later. “All this loitering is bad for business.”

Eren raised an eyebrow. “And the customer service isn’t?”

Levi bit at the inside of his cheek to fight off a smile, though it was there in his eyes. “Little shit. You liked it well enough when you thought I was cracking fiery whips of torment in my spare time.”

Eren sighed. “It’s not my fault I’m an idiot.”

Laughter followed the comment, though Eren soon found a hand in his hair. “Not an idiot. Just slow, but you make things interesting. It was like relationship foreplay for a while there, nice but a tease while I waited for the good stuff.”

That was one way to put it, Eren thought while his face caught flame for the umpteenth time. He got snorted at for his trouble.

“Go home, Eren. You’re not going to get any work done here.”

“I don’t want to go home.” Eren pouted, folding his arms over the counter and resting his head atop them. “Studying sucks.”

“It’s just one more day.” Levi said, sounding very much like he was trying not to laugh.

“Don’t laugh at me.”

“I can’t help it, you’re really not making it easy for me here. That little frown, are you kidding me? Too cute, kiddo. You need to scram before we both start daydreaming here.” Levi’s amusement softened to something fond when Eren aimed a little glower his way. “Come on. One more evening, be the hardworking student I know is in there somewhere, and then boom. Done. You’ll have all the freedom in the world daydream and make heart eyes. Don’t give me that look, I notice these things.”

Eren trudged his way home in better spirits, content enough with Levi’s little motivational speech. It was just one more day and then classes were over. Nothing more to do for the whole year. No assignments, no tests, no nothing. Eren would be free until he had to think about heading home in late December, but there was plenty of time to while away between then and now.

These thoughts accompanied Eren through his afternoon of study, all the way until the brunet was falling into bed with a huff.

When he woke up next, it would be to face the final piece of coursework for the year.

Easy. No problem.

Eren swallowed, casting a glance at his phone. He reached for it.

 

**[Jaegerwafer]**

gnite

**[Jaegerwafer]**

if u r satan…could u curse the test tomorrow and make it rly easy pleeease?? <3 <3

**[Levi]**

You’ll have to make do with a heartfelt good luck wish.

**[Jaegerwafer]**

that'll have to do

**[Jaegerwafer]**

i cant wait till this is over, freedom is so close

**[Jaegerwafer]**

i just want to hang out and do dumb bf things

**[Levi]**

There’ll be plenty of time for that when you’re not under a deadline. Goodnight Eren and good luck. You’ll do great, I know it.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eren just wants the free time to earn some cuddles.

**Author's Note:**

> Raise your hand if you would like to see more. Also feedback is always welcome and, if the urge arises, you can chat to me here or on my [tumblr.](http://haberkonium.tumblr.com/)


End file.
